Village Idiots
by FriTik
Summary: Or a Fanatic, a Demon, a Damaged Psyche and a One Eyed Scarecrow form a Genin team. In which Sasuke is a Jashinist, Naruto thinks he's a demon, Sakura has multiple personality disorder and Kakashi has an innate envy of people with two normal eyes.
1. In the Beginning

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto: Is convinced he is the kyuubi despite what anyone might tell him otherwise.**

 **Sasuke: Is completed devoted to Jashin-sama and plots to sacrifice Itachi to his god.**

 **Sakura: Is not always Sakura. She is sometimes Inner, and other times Missy and also Lucy. (multiple personality disorder)**

 **Kakashi: Is mostly normal but has a** _ **slight**_ **jealousy of people who have both their original eyes.**

 **Other notable differences from canon:**

 **Smarter!Naruto, non-emo!Sasuke, ½-Fangirl!Sakura.**

 **I do not own Naruto or any references to other media I may make.**

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, present..._

Kakashi trudged down the Academy hall at a leisurely pace as if he were not three hours late to picking up his new Genin Team which he kind of wanted to fail like all those prior but had more reasons not to fail.

For starters the son of his sensei, the man who had practically raised him, was on the team, not that anyone seemed to realize it despite the _very obvious_ resemblance. Another matter was the fact that Obito's last remaining loyal relative was on the team. Which led to the fact that he was the only person with a sharingan in the village so when the boy activated his he was the only one who could properly teach him to use it. Of course he also had _one_ perfectly normal eye, but nobody payed attention to that.

Stupid Iwa ninja. Stupid rocks crushing best friend. Stupid two eyed freaks.

But he digressed.

He finally made his way to the designated classroom and felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. Survival instincts that had saved his life countless times in the field. But for some reason they couldn't save his right eye or get him out of the way of a stupid falling boulder!

Figuring one of his potential new students was just pulling a stupid prank (likely Naruto if the boys track record was anything to go by) he opened the classroom door fully intent on taking whatever prank it was and lowering his students expectations, only to mind-fuck them later.

So he opened the door and walked into perhaps the closest thing to hell the ninja world had ever known.

Countless dead ninja across the three shinobi world wars disagreed but that's not important right now.

What _is_ important is that Kakashi _really_ should have read his three students files before taking them on.

* * *

 _Naruto POV, six years ago…_

Naruto was concerned.

Now most children his age would be concerned about normal things like getting new toys or eating ice cream for dinner or staying up late on school nights or making Chunin.

(Somewhere a dog masked ANBU sneezed)

No what Naruto was concerned about was that he might, just maybe, be a nine-tailed fox demon.

Okay this might not seem likely, given that he clearly was a six year old blonde haired whiskered boy but that's not the point. The point is that for some reason just about every civilian in the village seemed to hate him, as well as a fair number of the shinobi forces. So much so as to refuse to sell stuff to him and tell their children to stay away from him because he was dangerous.

For the most part people chose to ignore him, which he was sometimes okay with. Other times he would give anything for someone to look at him with something, anything, other than pure hate in their eyes. But sometimes when he was sneaking around trying to pickpocket people for some extra ryo (the fact people ignored him made it somewhat easier), and scrounging for something to try adding to his Ramen to make it taste better he would hear the adults whisper.

It was not always about him, but usually he would be mentioned in some whispered conversation at least once a day. They would talk about the "demon brat" or the "kyuubi brat" or sometimes just plain demon or kyuubi. He had heard these more often when he was younger and people would mutter it on the street but when those people disappeared and no one ever saw them again the whispers eventually stopped. Naruto had to wonder what happened to them, then again maybe he didn't want to know.

The more he thought about it the more Naruto thought there was fair chance he was definitely the kyuubi. There were the creepy guys in masks who always followed him around and he would sometimes catch glimpses of that he somehow just _knew_ were always there. Then there was the fact that Hokage-jiji took a special interest in him for no apparent reason. Also the way the civilians acted around him.

It all made sense if he really thought about it! The guys in masks were around in case he ever lost control and the Hokage looked in on him to make sure he didn't going to regain his obviously lost memories and powers! It also explained why parents told their children not to play with him. If he were a parent he wouldn't let his kids play with a demon that could potentially lose control and attack his child.

So he had a good deal of evidence to suspect he was the kyuubi that had nearly destroyed the village and killed lots of people on the day of his birth (more proof!). The Fourth Hokage had supposedly killed it but wouldn't that leave a rather large body lying around? Therefore he came to the obvious assumption that the Fourth Hokage used his awesome ninja powers to take away his own powers and memories and transform him into a little baby human.

Meanwhile in the belly of the Shinigami, Namikaze Minato had an unsettling feeling that his son had come to a seemingly logical but also very wrong assumption. How does one describe such a feeling? He'd call it asromgic, yeah that would work. He was feeling asromgic about his son.

Naruto wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. Yeah he had been destroying the village, but surely he had a very good reason for doing it? Maybe. But he could worry about that later, while he suspected that he was the nine tailed demon fox he had no actual proof in regards to it. So he did what any demon in child form would do.

He asked an adult.

"Mister, am I the kyuubi?" He asked a confused looking and strangely dressed man who was walking through the park.

The strange man (who wasn't even wearing sandals!) gave him a look, and said in a funny accent, "Fuck if I know, can you tell me where I am this time?"

"You're in the park, and why don't you know if I'm a demon, all the other adults seem to know!" Naruto explained with frustration.

"Yeah I know I'm in _a_ park, I meant what planet/universe/alternate dimension am I in this time?" The man counted off the words on his fingers.

Naruto stared blankly only recognizing the words and "planet" and "alternate". "You're in Konoha, why would you be in any of those places?"

"Because my boss is God damned sociopath who likes testing out stuff on me." The man grunted. "Look if you're a demon then you're probably the nicest one I've met, not to mention, only, despite what people say about Johnny. Like his ego needs to get bigger." He muttered the last part.

"I'll ask someone else." Naruto decided and started walking away wondering what a sociopath was.

"Have fun. I hope this place has alcohol, I need a lot of it." The man said and walked in the opposite direction.

After some searching he encountered a woman who was watching her children play on the playground. That looked like fun. He never got to play on the playground, the other kids would chase him away before he could get close. The woman made some sort of hissing noise at him as he approached but he ignored it and came to a stop in front of her. She glared at him but didn't make any moves.

"Am I the kyuubi?" Naruto asked once again.

The woman froze, shock overlaying the hate in her eyes. Huh that was a nice change. "What?" She said almost weakly as the hate returned a bit but mostly confusion and shock won out.

"Well nobody likes me 'cept Hokage-jiji but I think he might just be keeping an eye on me, and people sometimes call me demon and kyuubi-brat and stuff and I'm asking you 'cause the last guy didn't know and went to get drunk." Naruto explained proudly. He had put a lot of clearly rational thought into this.

The woman said nothing and just stared, the corners of her mouth tightened but apart from that she didn't move.

"Miss?" Naruto asked a bit worried. Had he broken her or something?

The woman continued to say nothing, but slowly glanced around as though searching for something out of view. Maybe she was looking for the mask guys but there were none of them around. Naruto was good at losing them. Or maybe they just ignored him like everyone else sometimes.

Without another word to him the woman stood up, beckoned her children and left the park leaving Naruto standing there.

Maybe he needed a different approach…

* * *

 _Sakura POV, same age…_

Sakura was starting to get worried. There were times when she couldn't remember anything. Memory blanks she guessed she could call them.

They were strange and happened at seemingly random times but there were a few patterns if she looked closely.

For example, just a few days earlier she had borrowed a big kid book that had more than one hundred pages from the library. When she got home she immediately sat down to read it, opening to the first page only to be turning the last page a second later, not to mention the sun was lower in the sky now!

When she sat down to dinner that night her parents had asked her how the book was and she had said she hadn't read it yet. Her mother looked confused and said she had come into Sakura's room to pick up her laundry and she had been happily reading it! Sakura just giggled nervously and said she was joking. Her father had told her she shouldn't lie while her mother looked at her suspiciously.

That wasn't the first time either. There was this mean girl on the playground named Ami who would bully the other kids on the playground. On this particular day she had been picking on Sakura for her slightly larger than average forehead. One second Sakura had been about to burst into tears, the next Ami was on the ground clutching her arm and Sakura was full of anger and had a distinct feeling of satisfaction.

Then another time when she came across a bird with an injured wing. She remembered feeling worried about it and suddenly she was stepping out of the veterinarian's office with no idea how she got there. She had immediately turned around to find out what she was doing there and before she could ask the nice lady at the desk said she had done a good thing by bringing the bird there. She had mumbled out a thanks and then left feeling rather confused.

Right now she was walking down an alley so she could think without outside distraction. She would have blanks when she was upset about something, when she was reading something new, and when someone needed help. It was strange. Maybe she should ask her new friend Ino about it and find out if she had noticed anything.

That was when the blonde boy fell off a building and landed face down in front of her.

She screamed and blanked out.

Inner Sakura glared angrily at the boy laying in front of her. He did not appear to be breathing. That just made her angrier! How dare he upset her and then die so she couldn't take it out on him!

She angrily kicked the corpse which suddenly burst into red flames.

Inner yelped and leaped backwards landing on her butt. She stared for a moment before realizing it wasn't exactly fire surrounding the boy's body but some form of… something. Whatever it was he wasn't burning. HOW DARE HE FREAK HER OUT LIKE THAT.

She would have violently disciplined the red glowing corpse if the red stuff didn't make her feel like curling up in a ball and crying. How dare he do that!

The red died down after a moment and left a boy that was definitely breathing and not dead. He groaned and pushed himself up looking around groggily as though he had woken up from a rather long nap. How dare he cheat the laws of life and death!

"Wha'?" he mumbled blandly as Inner slammed her fist into the side of his head and, with a surprising amount of strength for a six year old, sent him flipping into the wall of a building with his neck at a funny angle. It was actually quite disturbing looking. How dare he do something weird like that with his neck?! Inner out, PEACE!

Sakura blinked in confusion when she saw the boy that had just been laying face down in front of her now resting face pressed against a wall with his neck at a slightly off angle. Oh kami was he dead? Why was he dead!? Was this another Ami situation?!

Then a red glow leapt to life around the boy and emanated a vile feeling that made her skin crawl. It also felt familiar even though she could not recall ever seeing it before.

There was a snapping noise that made her flinch and the red glow vanished and Sakura managed to even her breathing again. That was scary, maybe she should make sure the boy wasn't dead? He seemed a bit familiar though, and not in a good way.

"Ow my neck." He grunted as he pulled himself to his feet. He glanced around and dusted himself off. He hadn't seemed to notice Sakura yet, maybe if she was lucky it would stay that way, this boy was not normal.

"I'm not dead." he noted and a grin split his features. "That proves it! I can't die so it must be true!" He finally noticed Sakura, "Oh hi there." He greeted her.

"Y-y-you just died." Sakura told him and felt very confused and scared.

"Oh." He looked downtrodden about that fact. "So am I dead now?" He asked.

"You just got up after that red glowy stuff covered you." she wrinkled her nose, "It was yucky."

"Ah hah!" The boy who had whiskers on his cheeks cheered, "I knew it! I am the kyuubi no youko!"

Sakura stared at the other child who had just loudly and happily declared himself the night tailed demon fox. "You don't look like a demon fox."

The boy rolled his eyes at her, "Well that's obviously because the Fourth Hokage sealed away my powers with his super ninja skills."

She finally recognized the boy. "I remember you now! My parents said to stay away from you because you were dangerous!"

The boy nodded sagely, "Exactly, everyone's parents say that, it must be because I'm a demon. But no one will tell me if I'm right." He ground out angrily.

Sakura backed away slowly before turning and bursting into a run.

At home that night during dinner her parents asked her how her day was.

"It was weird, I went down an alley and a boy fell off a building, died, got back up and told me he was the Kyuubi that destroyed the village six years ago." She chewed some of her pork, "Also I think I keep forgetting stuff."

Needless to say dinner became an interesting affair after that.

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, one month before graduation…_

Sasuke muttered thank to Jashin-sama after completing the sacrifice of the small dead animal in front of him.

After the massacre Sasuke felt aimless, his bro- That Man had told him he was too weak to kill at the time, but that didn't make much sense. That Man had also killed dozens of children younger than he was, not to mention elderly people who couldn't even get out of bed. That Man had said hate would make him strong but he wasn't sure he believed that. If anything from what he had seen of Ita- That Man, hate did not make him strong, but killing did.

After thinking about it Sasuke had come to a conclusion, hate was a way to get stronger but it wasn't the way to become _strongest_. To beat That Man he needed to be the strongest so he would kill. But he hadn't been sure how killing made him stronger so he decided to research the matter.

Through research he discovered Jashin-sama and his commandments and through these he found salvation. That Man was a godless killing machine, Sasuke would be a killing machine, but would do it in the name of Jashin-sama and through him find salvation! Also vengeance, especially vengeance.

Unfortunately at this point in time Sasuke couldn't fulfil all the commandments, (namely Thou shalt kill thy family), but he would work on it. Also the tiny fact it was illegal to kill people at this point in time. Until he could kill humans as the commandments directed he would pray for Jashin-sama's mercy until he could become and a ninja and then legally kill people and still be able to eventually kill his brother. For now he would sacrifice animals to his savior.

Of course being an academy student was far from grandeur. He was the last Uchiha and almost all the girls in the class fawned over him because of that. He would have sacrificed them to Jashin-sama, illegal or not, but he didn't want to insult his God with such pathetic sacrifices.

So for now he would settle for the small animals. Of course that didn't mean he was oblivious in class, he payed attention to as much as he could, he had to learn everything so he could kill That Man when the time came.

He also noticed some of the weird habits of his classmates. For instance the Hyuuga girl would go red in the face whenever she was around a certain blonde haired idiot (more on him later) and seemed unable to speak a sentence without stuttering, perhaps he should introduce her to Jashin-sama and through him she could find salvation like himself!

Then there was the pink haired girl… or girls maybe. She would act differently all the time. Sometimes she would be an ordinary fangirl, this seemed to be her default. Other times she was a violent fangirl, this would happen whenever the arguments over who liked him more would get out of hand. When she was like this she was always angry and constantly hit things for even the smallest reason like breathing too loudly. That was just the beginning too.

When reading or taking a test she would suddenly don glasses and stutter like the Hyuuga only not nearly as much. When she was like this she was shy, friendly and most certainly not obsessed over him. Then whenever someone was hurt one way or another she would suddenly be at their side, medical extraordinaire. She would diagnose whatever was wrong and with a voice full of authority would order around both classmates and teachers with a tone that gave no room for argument.

Then there was Naruto.

 _Naruto._

Sasuke honestly did not even know. Nor was he sure he wanted to know. He was not sure whether to sacrifice the blonde to Jashin-sama or to pray that Jashin-sama protect him from the insanity the boy clearly had.

Naruto was the only one who could last more than ten seconds in a match with him but that was only because the whiskered boy was quick and had a boatload of stamina. Sasuke normally won in the end unless the other boy managed to trick him into stepping out of bounds but that didn't happen much. Anymore…

Apart from that the boy seemed quite dense. In everything. Except seals or what they had learned of them anyway. It was creepy actually. Also it led to how Sasuke learned of the blondes probably insane belief.

Anyway when they started a brief overview of seals three years ago, the instructor had called him out to make an embarrassment of him in front of the entire class like he always did for some reason Sasuke could not have fathomed at the time. But instead of a complete failure of a basic storage seal it had been a perfect one. In fact it was slightly improved! The Chunin instructor had been so confused and been muttering impossible when Naruto apologized.

"Sorry for anything I did in my past life." The blonde had said much to the confusion of everyone but the instructor froze and stared.

"What." He breathed out finally. Not really a question just an exclamation of shock.

"Sorry for anything I did to you, I can't really remember but apparently it was pretty bad, so, sorry." Naruto shrugged nonchalantly as the rest of class stared at him.

The instructor stared for a moment longer before finally muttering, "nice work", before he continued to teach the class as if nothing had happened.

Needless to say everyone that wasn't a Sasuke fangirl, had wanted to know what that was about at lunch. Sasuke had been elected to make the demand by silent consent. He had marched up to the outdoor lunch table with a number of other boys in their class gathering around to see if they could get the answer.

"Okay dobe what was that?" The Junior Jashinist demanded.

"What was what the seal or the apology? 'Cause I got no clue with the seal it just kind of seemed obvious for some reason but there was this one part that didn't look right so I jus-" The boy started rambling before Sasuke cut him off.

"No, not that." Although he was pretty interested in that. "The apology thing."

"Oh. That." Naruto noted, he looked conflicted briefly before shrugging, "I think I might be the Kyuubi no Youko trapped in human form."

No one said anything. Sasuke's eye twitched, "No."

"What?" Naruto asked.

"No you are not the Kyuubi, there is no way." Some other guys nodded in agreement.

"Hear me out." Naruto pleaded as he folded his hands on the table in front of him as though at a meeting. "Almost all the adults hate me for some reason, when I was younger they would call me things like demon and stuff. Hokage-jiji took a special interest in me for no apparent reason, there are a bunch of mask guys who sometimes follow me around."

"There is no way ANBU follow you around." Kiba said.

"There's one in that tree over there." Naruto jabbed a thumb at said tree.

The nearby tree shouted "Shit!" Making everyone's except Naruto's eyes leaves rustled briefly and a number fell to the ground. Everyone turned back to Naruto. Who pointed looking very justified, "See! I told you!"

"I still don't believe you." Sasuke told him, "I mean if you were a demon how did you become a human child?"

"Well obviously the Forth Hokage used his awesome ninja skills to seal away my powers and memories so I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore." Naruto said. "That's kinda a good thing I want to turn over a new leaf if I really did kill all those people."

"Troublesome." One Nara Shikamaru muttered. "It makes sense but the whole thing just comes off as asromgic to me."

"That's not a word, also I don't think we're supposed to know so don't tell anyone." Naruto said. "Also no one will tell me if I'm right or not." He pouted.

"Have you ever asked anyone?" Kiba asked still skeptical.

"Two people." Naruto nodded, "The first guy said he didn't know, asked what universe he was in and then went to get drunk, never saw him again. Then I asked some mom and she just hissed at me, stared for awhile then left with her kids." He got a bunch of blank looks, "I stopped asking after that."

Some of the boys just shrugged and walked off at this point, others muttered something about crazy blondes, Shikamaru just muttered "troublesome" and left with Chouji trailing behind like a lost puppy. Soon only Sasuke and Naruto were left staring at each other.

"I will not accept this until we get proof." Sasuke told him.

"Then we'll get proof 'cause I want to know too, dattebayo." Naruto agreed.

And thus began one of the oddest friendships ever. Well at least not since that one in that one fanfiction I plan to write that was in the past and may or may not come to pass, but that's not important right now.

"Hey Sasuke you done murdering small animals yet?" Speak of the devil fox…

"I'm not murdering them, I'm sacrificing them to Jashin-sama!" Sasuke glared.

Naruto held his hands up in a placating gesture, "Alright, alright, same thing if you ask me." He muttered the last part. "You get that stupid sword of yours yet?" the blonde asked referring to an order Sasuke had put in for an obviously over sized sword that he had managed to pull some strings to get. Being the last Uchiha with the funds of the entire clan behind him had its advantages.

"Maybe, you figure out the bushin jutsu yet? " Sasuke smirked knowing it was a sore spot.

"Yes actually." Naruto smirked at Sasuke's disbelieving face, "But I have to make like a thousand of them for it to work properly."

"Oh boo-hoo I'm Naruto-baka and I'm a demon and I have too much chakra." Sasuke mocked.

"It's not funny." Naruto glared before snapping his fingers, "Oh yeah, so you know how Mizuki really hates me but pretends not to?"

"Yeah?" Sasuke said wondering where this was going.

"So I got a plan to finally get our answer…" Naruto smirked. "And it might get you your first human sacrifice."

Sasuke remained silent for a moment. Naruto's plans normally led to chaos and destruction whether it was done with good intentions or not. Then again, finally proving if the blonde boy was a demon or not as well as getting a real sacrifice for Jashin-sama…

"I'm listening."

* * *

 _Iruka's POV, night after Academy Final Exam…_

"NO MIZUKI DON"T, IT"S FORBIDDEN!" Iruka yelled at his friend turned traitor not really for his sake but rather for Naruto's who he had come to realize definately was not a monster.

"Shut up! It doesn't matter at this point, soon I'll be gone and you'll both be dead." The traitorous chunin grinned sadistically.

Iruka grimaced with pain and realized there wasn't anything he could do to stop his former friend turned his attention to Naruto who was still holding the Forbidden Scroll he was tricked into stealing. "Naruto don't listen to him!"

"Twelve years ago the Fourth Hokage died fighting the Kyuubi no Youko-" Mizuki started.

"Naruto run!" Iruka yelled at the boy shouting over Mizuki's words. The boy who instead of leaving actually had a look of- was that anticipation?"

"-ealed it away! You are the demon fox Naruto!" Mizuki finished grinning.

Whatever Iruka had expected it was most certainly not a cheerful grin. "I KNEW IT!" Naruto cried out. Leaving the two Chunin dumbfounded.

"Naruto- what?" Iruka managed wondering if he should rework his opinion of the blonde.

"Well everyones hated me for some reason as long as I can remember, I put a bunch of facts together and figured I was the Kyuubi in human form so I couldn't hurt anyone anymore!" Naruto explained. "Since I can't remember anything and don't have powers I couldn't prove it though. But now I know and can start making up for anyone I killed or hurt when I was a monster!" He finished cheerfully.

Iruka couldn't quite decide if that was touching or concerning. Maybe both. Probably both.

"Oh yeah, almost forgot!" Naruto paused, "HEY TEME DID YOU HEAR THAT?" He called out.

"Yes you baka I heard it." Uchiha Sasuke came trudging out of the trees with a sword really too big for hims strapped to his back and his hitai-ate wrapped loosely around his neck. Iruka couldn't help but wonder what the actual hell was happening. "Did you draw it?" He asked Naruto.

"Yeah and by the way that is a pretty messed up seal teme. If Mizuki weren't a traitor I wouldn't do it." He told the Uchiha boy.

"Now listen her-" Mizuki started but Sasuke cut him off when he was suddenly in front of him swinging his spiky skull hilted sword at the Chunin. Sasuke was fast for a Genin (or pre-Genin until he passed his Jonin instructors test) but Mizuki was still and Chunin and managed to get out of the way of the blade with only a small scratch.

"I thought you were Rookie of the Year?" Mizuki taunted Sasuke who didn't even attempt to press the attack and instead turned around and walked to an a spot near Naruto and inspected something on the ground.

"You sure you did this right?" He asked Naruto.

"Sasuke I'm not good at much but I am awesome at seals." He told the other boy, "Remind me who exactly did the thing to you and your sword?"

"Hn." Sasuke grunted before looking back to Mizuki and holding up his blade near his face. Iruka was feeling really confused at this point but remained silent wondering where it was going. Also he was still bleeding out.

A creepy sadistic smile spread across the last loyal Uchiha's face as he licked Mizuki's blood off the sword. The change was almost instantaneous as his skin seemed to almost invert save for a skull-like white shape on his face. Sasuke then took a step backwards into whatever he had been examining on the ground before.

A panicked look came over Mizuki's face. "What? Why can't I move!?" He began trembling in place, Iruka assumed, in a struggle to move.

Sasuke cackled maniacally and raised his sword to the sky. "Jashin-sama!" He cried out, "Take this soul your humble servant offers you as tribute!" He then lowered the blade turned it towards _himself_ and then, to Iruka's horror and Naruto's panic, shoved it through his chest.

The result was instantaneous, a spray of blood erupted from Mizuki's chest in the same place that Sasuke had stabbed himself. MIsuki's eyes went wide with pain and shock as he coughed up some blood. The traitor collapsed on the ground dying and unable to speak through the blood filling up his lungs and ruptured esophagus.

Iruka turned his attention to the now surely dead last Uchiha but instead of lying in a similar position to Mizuki, Sasuke instead seem to be shivering in _pleasure._

"Damnit Sasuke-teme!" Naruto swore, "I know I did it right but seriously if anything had gone wrong that would've killed you! You couldn't have tested it out first or something?!" He ranted.

Sasuke grunted as he yanked the sword out of his chest. "That would be an insult to Jashin-sama. I put my faith in him, if he decided to take me now that would be my end." Despite his words Iruka could have sworn he heard a hint of relief in the boy's tone.

"And you call _me_ an idiot." Naruto rolled his eyes before seeming to realize Iruka was still there.

"Oh yeah Iruka-sensei! First, sorry if I did anything to you when I was a giant jerky fox. Also I actually can do the Bushin no Jutsu and I learned the Kage Bushin no Jutsu a little while ago. Soooo can I be a genin now? Hey you don't look too good, how much blood have you lost?! Oh crap!"

* * *

 _Hiruzen's POV, that same night…_

Hiruzen Sarutobi, Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure, Kami no Shinobi, the Professor could honestly say for the first time in years he was at a complete loss as to what to do.

He knew the day would eventually come when Naruto would find out about the kyuubi. Unfortunately it seemed like the boy had figured out there was some sort of connection _years_ ago and came to his own conclusions on the matter.

Now he wasn't sure if he should tell the boy the truth which would still have a lot of holes in it as he couldn't tell him everything. Or he could let Naruto keep believing he was indeed the Kyuubi given a second chance as a human to make up for the horrible deeds of the past.

The second option might actually work best in this situation.

It seemed that one Urumi Iruka had passed Naruto at some point before losing consciousness and being taken into the care of a pink haired girl who called herself Missy but was identified by witnesses as Haruno Sakura, a recently graduated academy student who had some weird habits and personality traits.

He'd look into it later.

For now he had to deal with a boy who thought he was a demon and the potential return of the Jashin Cult right here in Konoha.

Damn you Minato, you had to go and do something noble like die leaving your orphan son to decide he was a demon and for himself to deal with the fallout and all the other crazy stuff that happened in this village.

"Naruto-kun…" Hiruzen started not really sure where to go with this conversation.

"It's fine Jiji." Naruto shrugged nonchalantly. "I get why you didn't tell me anything about it and why you kept an eye on my with all those ANBU guys. But I promise I'll make up for all the bad things I did!"

"I promise I won't sacrifice anyone in the village to Jashin-sama." Uchiha Sasuke added helpfully. The "for now" went unsaid of course.

Hiruzen decided he would leave well enough alone for now. At least they would be Kakashi's problem soon. No more having to fear that he and Danzo would start bonding over that whole one eye thing they both seemed to have going on.

He was getting too old to deal with this crap. Also he should probably recall Jiraiya to talk to him about his godson...

* * *

 _General POV, Team Assignments…_

"I still don't believe you." Kiba decided.

"Ugh! What more do you want!? Mizuki actually came out and told me I was the Kyuubi!" Naruto complained pulling his hair in frustration.

"Then why don't you just have Mizuki tell us then?" Kiba smirked.

"I would! Except Sasuke sacrificed him to Jashin…" Naruto muttered looking crestfallen.

Kiba and Akamaru glanced over towards where Sasuke sat praying with a set a prayer beeds. Nope not getting involved in that.

Before anyone else could contribute to the age old class discussion of "Is Naruto a nine tailed demon fox?" Which he was as he knew for certain now. If Mizuki hadn't been both a traitor and dead he would have thanked him. A cry a "SHANNARO!" caused more than half the class to duck under their desks.

Now this might seem a bit odd but they had been dealing with one Haruno Sakura for four years now and were thus used to her multiple personalities. The most violent of which, Inner, commonly introduced herself with punching someone while shouting Shannaro.

This time it appeared to be Ino as the clan heiress came crashing through the wall with a smirking Inner following her through the hole in the wall. "I win! Where's my Sasuke-kun!?"

Wisely her fellow students pointed towards the empty seat next to Sasuke. She almost seemed to teleport into the seat as she sat next to her "Sasuke-kun".

"Oh Sasuke-kun…" Inner cooed with hearts in her eyes.

"Not now I'm praying to Jashin-sama." Sasuke told her without even bothering to change position.

Inner blinked before rolling with it. "You could sacrifice me to Jashin-sama if you want." A number of people shuddered at the way she said this.

Sasuke now opened a single eye and narrowed it at her. "Like hell I'd insult Jashin-sama by sacrificing a _fangirl_ to him. If i'd sacrifice anyone in here it would be Naruto as it is stated in the commandments."

"Why don't you then?" Inner asked hoping to remove her competition.

"You think I haven't tried?" Sasuke smirked.

Everyone glanced at a completely healthy Naruto. Said "demon" smiled and waved.

"The dobe is literally unkillable. Watch!" Sasuke suddenly pulled out a kunai and chucked it at his friend. Everyone watched in horror as it sank into the blonde's throat and he collapsed to the ground briefly choking and gagging as blood gushed from the severed artery before going still.

It was utter pandemonium after that, with a number of graduates, male and female, shrieking in terror. Inner was so shocked it allowed Missy to take over who immediately rushed over to Naruto's side and began ordering people to get medical supplies.

Sasuke watched the panic with amusement before yanking on the ninja wire tied to the kunai pulling it out of Naruto's neck. For a moment nothing happened, then a red aura sprang to life around Naruto pulsing vilely and causing a number of already terrified students to pass out as the K.I. filled the room. It then died down and let silence sit for a moment before Naruto groaned and sat up.

"What the hell teme!? Just because it doesn't work does not mean you can kill me for your amusement whenever you want!" Naruto was rubbing his sore neck. "Gah, you stained my clothes too! I just got this cleaned!"

Everyone stared at the blonde who had just a moment ago **DIED** and was now acting as if he had just slept on his neck wrong.

Kiba decided to concede there may be a distinct possibility that Naruto was a demon.

Sakura blinked as she regained control of herself. She looked down at a bloody Naruto and shrieked causing him to wince and cover his ears. "Oh Kami! Did Inner do that? Naruto I may not like you but I am so sorry! Did Missy already patch you up? Are you gonna die?!" the pinkette panicked.

"In order." Shikamaru cut in from where he leaned in his chair, "Indirectly, she tried, and he already did." He sighed. "Troublesome blondes."

It was now that Iruka chose to walk in with a number of bandages wrapped around himself. He looked at the bloody Naruto and the red stained kunai Sasuke was retrieving while Sakura sat on the floor and stared while the rest of class was in various states of consciousness. He sighed frustratedly.

"Sasuke I told you no more trying to kill Naruto and Naruto I told you no demonic powers until you're your Jonin-sensei's problem." He sighed before pulling out the team assignments."Oh and Sakura tell Inner she has to patch the hole in the wall. And will someone wake Ino up?"

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, present time…_

Kakashi stared at the trio. The bloodstained yet cheerful son of his sensei, the sword wielding praying last Uchiha and Sakura who was tied up in ninja wire and was currently gnawing at said restraints.

He idly noticed the eraser that fell off the door-frame and bounced off his head bringing their mutual attention to him. Naruto waved cheerfully, Sasuke gave him a one eyed stare and Sakura _growled_ at him..

"My first impression of you is… you're weird. Meet me on the roof in five minutes." He then used shunshin to get to the roof.

Ten minutes later the trio finally arrived on the roof with Sakura now wearing glasses and reading a book.

"Sorry sensei, we would have been here sooner but we figured that Lucy would be the best choice for first introductions so we had to give Sakura a book she hasn't read yet." Naruto explained as though this was completely normal.

"Of course!" Kakashi eye smiled and let none of his confusion show. He bet that "Lucy" was really enjoying using both eyes to read though.

"Okay then! As we've just met, introduce yourselves!" He told them.

"Ah S-sensei?" A timid voice asked and he looked to see Sakura had looked up from her book. "You want to know about us b-but we don't know anything about you? Could you please introduce yourself. Sorry if I'm out of place."

"Maa maa, it's alright" Kakashi decided to placate them, slightly. "My name is Hatake Kakashi. Things I like and things I hate…" _My remaining eye and not much else, my best friend dying and failing the people I care about._ "I don't feel like telling you. My dreams for the future?" _Make amends… somehow._ "Never really thought about it. As for my hobbies..." _Reading porn in public, morning all the people I failed, can Gai be a hobby?_ "I have a lot of hobbies."

He got three frustrated looks in return. Heh. It was worth taking the team every graduation just to be able to screw with them for a little bit.

"Since you were so polite why don't you go first pinky?" He suggested. At least she didn't seem to be a fan girl.

"My name is Lucy Sakura." _That doesn't sound right…_ "I like learning and testing my knowledge." _Huh she would do well as a scholar._ "I hate not knowing things." _Fair enough._ "My hobbies are reading and thinking." _I can relate._ "My dreams for the future… Learn everything!" She gushed and Kakashi sweat-dropped.

"Just wait 'til you meet Inner." He heard Naruto snicker.

"Okay then bloody why don't you go next then?"

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto though I used to have another name." _I wonder what that means._ "My likes are Ramen, gardening, training, and annoying Sasuke." _Oh kami he's like an Obito-Minato-sensei hybrid._ "I hate thinking about what I did in my past life." _Okay what does_ that _mean._ "Also dying." He added as an afterthought. _Okay that's fair._ "My dream for the future is to make amends for everyone I killed." _Once again I can rel- wait WHAT?!_

When neither "Lucy" nor Sasuke responded to this final statement, Kakashi decided to take it up with the Hokage. Maybe he could explain why his sensei's son seemed to think he had killed people.

"Okay then…" Kakashi said before turning to Sasuke. "Duck-butt your turn." Naruto giggled at the nickname.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha." _Okay normal so far…_ "I don't like much but I worship Jashin-sama." _Kami damn it almost got my hopes up._ "I hate not being able to properly make sacrifices to Jashin-sama, also a certain Man." _I expected part of that._ "My hobbies are praying to Jashin-sama and attempting to sacrifice Naruto."

"Keep trying Duck-butt!"

"I will!"

 _I need to keep an eye on these two._ "My ambition is to serve Jashin-sama and sacrifice a certain Man to him." _I am ninety five percent done with this._

"Okay then! Well now that we've introduced ourselves I should probably tell you about the True Genin Test." Kakashi told them with an eye smile.

"I thought we already passed the Genin test." Sasuke said with warning in his tone.

"Oh that was just the pretest." Kakashi told them smirking under his mask. "The true test is more hands on and this particular one has a 66% fail rate." It was actually 100% since he started giving it out but they didn't need to know that. "I recommend you don't have any breakfast you'll just throw up." Also it'll make the backup test more enjoyable for him.

"We'll pass your stupid test." Naruto decided and Sasuke nodded in agreement. "I may be in human form but I'm still the Kyuubi no Youko and I have a lot of bad deeds to make up so like hell I'll let you stop me, dattebayo!"

Kakashi stared at Naruto and then glanced at his two teammates who had a disturbing lack of response for him just revealing an S-class secret.

"Be at training ground seven at six." He said then immediately used the shunshin to get to the Hokage Tower. He needed to talk with the Sandaime and check his students files.

* * *

 **Well that was a doozy.**

 **Literally that is the longest single document I have ever written for this site.**

 **This idea occurred at lunch the other day and after bouncing it off a few people to brainstorm I got to work and ta-daa!**

 **Now some confusion you may have**

 **As to Naruto reviving:**

 **No he's not really the Kyuubi but Kurama won't let him just die stupidly and bring them both down so he keeps reviving him. This leads Naruto to believe it is his own power keeping him alive.**

 **Sasuke not being Emo:**

 **Jashin-sama offered him salvation. 'Nuff said.**

 **Sakura's multiple personalities:**

 **Sakura: Canon Sakura**

 **Inner: Violent canon Sakura**

 **Missy: Dominating, take charge medical prodigy**

 **Lucy: Adorable, lovable bookworm**

 **Kakashi's eye thing:**

 **He has Obito's eye but he doesn't see it as his own. Therefore he is jealous of people who have two of their own eyes.**

 **Also the smarter!Naruto thing is in regards to him using his planning skills more practically, his skill with seals and his "logic" in deciding he's the kyuubi.**

 **But enough about that!**

 **Now to my returning readers, this is long and not an update for a number of reasons.**

 **First off I'm gonna be busy the next few weeks and while I'll still write I just won't have a lot of time to write. So I wanted to get something big out.**

 **As to why this isn't an update:**

 **I'm working on chapter twenty of Gone Ghost but I keep rewriting because I'm not happy with the scenes. I promise when I do post it will be a very important and long update.**

 **I'm having trouble working out the political aspects of Sealed Away chpt 5 while keeping it all in some form of humor so I'll get back to you guys on that.**

 **I keep getting stuck on the fight scenes in Lightman Legacy but that's coming too.**

 **And Son Siblings is kinda just dead in the water… I actually had an alternative post that had Gohan on the space phone talking to an OC who'll show up later in the story I still plan to use it later. But while the story is kinda dead right now I will revive it. Soon.**

 **Oh and that guy Naruto asked first is going to become running gag in my stories. Basically he exists to make fun of all the cliche and odd plotlines fanfiction cooks up. Everything from m-preg to horribly misinformed jinchuuriki. We'll see him again in a different story.**

 **'Til next we meet!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	2. Bell Test

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto has abandonment issues.**

 **Sasuke has abandonment issues.**

 **Kakashi has abandonment issues.**

 **Sakura if fine. Really. I promise.**

 **Anyway it's story time!**

* * *

 _Asuma POV, Team Ten…_

"NO! I refuse to believe it!" Sarutobi Asuma heard his female student cry as he arrived at the training field to give them their Genin test. His students being the next incarnation of the InoShikaCho combination, he expected them to pass but Ino did appear to be a fangirl, hopefully she had some skill.

He couldn't help but wonder what had set her off this time. Maybe Shikamaru had said something bad about her "Sasuke-kun" she had been talking about yesterday during introductions.

Honestly he couldn't understand where the fangirl persona came from in young kunoichi but it seemed to extend to every girl in each graduating class. He had talked to Kurenai about it last night and she had admitted while her one female student wasn't obsessed over the last Uchiha she had some form of crush on one Uzumaki Naruto.

Kakashi had strangely been absent so he couldn't ask him about the fact he had the two boys that all the girls seemed obsessed over. Well Sasuke more than Naruto but still.

"Believe or not it's true." Shikamaru told her, he was resting against a tree with his arms behind his head. Choji was sitting nearby munching happily on a bag of chips.

"Am I interrupting something?" Asuma decided to cut in and see if he could start trying to chip away at Ino's fangirlness (That is definitely a word). It wouldn't solve the lazy Nara problem but it was a start.

"Nothing. Just that I apparently missed irrefutable proof Naruto is a demon." Ino growled. Wait, what?

Asuma deciding to try playing it cool smartly said. "HOW THE HE- I mean umm… What are you talking about Ino? Naruto is in no way related to the Kyuubi no Youko." Smooth Asuma, real smooth, clearly Kurenai has much to gain from a relationship with this man.

"She doesn't believe it." Shikamaru muttered without bothering to even open his eyes.

"Pfft." Ino dismissed him,"It's not that I don't believe the fact, it's I can't believe I missed the proof! Right in front of the entire class and I'm unconscious because of stupid Inner!" She ranted.

"You're the one who managed to upset Sakura enough for Inner to come out. I thought you would have learned by now." Shikamaru condescended as Asuma listened in dumbfounded. "She's almost as troublesome as the rest of the class put together.

Shikamaru paused and looked thoughtful. "Then again, the fact that Sasuke is now willing to sacrifice humans to Jashin is rather troublesome news." He sighed and just hung his head and began to take a nap.

So that was why Asuma hadn't seen Kakashi the previous night. The poor man was probably trying to figure out how to deal with those three. He couldn't help prevent the smirk as he thought of the one-eyed Jounin confronting his father about this.

* * *

 _The Previous Night, Hokage's office…_

"Explain. Now." Kakashi demanded, standing in front of the Sandaime's desk. Truth was he had no right to demand anything but that wasn't important right now.

"Whatever do you mean Kakashi-kun?" Hiruzen asked innocently not even looking up from his paperwork. But Kakashi wasn't buying what he was selling. Unless it was a time travel jutsu, no that would just be silly.

"Why does Naruto think he's the kyuubi? Why does Sasuke worship that horrible religion? And what the hell is up with the pink one?" Kakashi listed off the major concerns he had gained after meeting his team.

"In order?" The Sandaime Hokage glanced up at his subordinate. "Read his file, read his file, and finally read her file." He informed the silver haired jounin.

Kakashi's eye twitched.

"Is there a problem?" Hiruzen raised an eyebrow at the last Hatake.

"I don't read the files. I am Hatake Kakashi, if word got out I was paying actual attention to my subordinates I would never hear the end of it." Kakashi complained. That wasn't to say he didn't care about those under his command, in truth he cared very much. But it was the fact that he had a reputation to maintain and if word got out he was _showing_ his care, it would be the end of his hip street rep.

He could not allow that to happen.

Oh kami what if Gai were to find out.

" _Ah my eternal rival! Who knew you could show such care and concern for your most youthful students!" The spandex covered jounin cried manly tears of joy. "In honor of your beautiful flames of youth I will run six laps around the Land of Fire on my hands, and if I cannot do that I shall do ten thousand chin ups in a Spaceship going to a planet with blue grass and green skies, and if I cannot do that I will ask you my beloved eternal rival to marry me so our flames of youth will never extinguish!"_

"Kakashi!" The Hokage's concerned shout brought the poor survivor's guilt victim out of his horror induced daydream, or perhaps daymare would be a better word.

" _Cannot be known."_ Kakashi hissed.

His Hokage regarded him with a concerned look before continuing. "You're a ninja, one of our best in fact. As in a well trained soldier in stealth and assassination, how hard could it possibly be for you to sneakingly get your team's files, read them, and put them back before anyone notices?" Hiruzen asked him.

Kakashi stared for a moment. "You have the files on you right now don't you?" He finally deduced.

The Sandaime pulled out the files and handed them to the masked man. "I won't tell a soul." He promised sagely.

"Thank you." Kakashi said as he slipped the documents into his jacket and used shunshin to leave in a swirl of leaves.

When the last of the leaves finally floated to the ground the Sandaime turned his attention to the hidden Tenzo who was acting as one of his ANBU guards that night. "Did you get it?"

The Mokuton wielder discreetly slipped out of hiding and presented a video camera. "Everyone in ANBU will know within the week." Tenzo confirmed.

Hiruzen let out a laugh he hadn't realized he needed until that moment.

* * *

 _Naruto POV,The Next Morning, Training Ground Seven…_

Naruto was bored.

A bored Naruto meant many terrible things were about to happen.

And there would be no rejoicing.

Naruto had a number of odd tendencies that appeared whenever he had nothing else to do. Most notably his tendency to find ways of getting on everyone elses nerves but that might just be because he was the Kyuubi no Youko. Speaking of which, _so_ called it.

There was a reason for Naruto's boredom. You see his new sensei or potential sensei as it may be, was late. He was very late in fact. Thus the origin the Naruto's boredom. Ugh! Why did his new sensei have to be an annoying lazybones? Like a hoodie wearing skeleton who was actually a badass in a fight!

Did he mention he was bored?

So while Sasuke prayed to Jashin and Sakura made gooey eyes at him, Naruto decided to wander around the training ground setting up various pranks and traps. So what if he was supposed to be a Jounin? And his sensei? Turning over a new leaf or not, nobody makes the fearsome Kyuubi no Youko wait!

As he wandered into the woods only receiving a fleeting glance from Sakura (who, while cute, firmly seemed obsessed with giving herself to Sasuke) he took his time to discern the best and worst places to set up his vengeance.

The traps and pranks varied from simply to the equivalent of rocket science. Everything from trees that would catch fire when you touched them to simple holes in the ground. He even had set up a few seals that would stick the recipient inside like a storage seal. Naruto was careful with those, he didn't want to get stuck inside one for about thirty years or so until a hapless genin team found him!

(In an alternate universe a spiky haired redhead sneezed.) [1]

After about two hours of setting up his overly complicated series of revenge traps he wandered back to the clearing to discover that his teams new sensei had yet to arrive!

So apparently the whole three hours late thing was going to become a trend. Great.

"You set up some traps." Sasuke noted without looking up.

"I can neither confirm nor deny such accusations." Naruto stated. He then realized what Sasuke was going to ask, "No I won't help you kill our sensei, once was bad enough even if he was a traitor! I don't need that on my reputation, I'm trying to be a good person now."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted and gave him a deadpan stare while Sakura just stared blankly at the bickering. Despite her obsession with Sasuke she wasn't all that familiar with the relationship between him and Naruto who she now knew was the kyuubi.

Eventually she appeared to get over whatever she was thinking and finally acted. "Naruto-baka you should listen to Sasuke-kun! He was rookie of the year!"

"He also wants me to help him sacrifice our sensei to Jashin. He can make his own damn seal, it's not that hard!" Naruto ranted.

"Some of us aren't sealing prodigies dobe." Sasuke noted.

"I'm not going to help you psuedo-murder our sensei." Naruto said with a tone that should have left no discussion. Unfortunately he was dealing with a devout follower of Jashin so that wasn't gonna happen.

"Can you at least make sure I do it right? I don't want to stab myself with no purpose. It would be an insult to Jashin-sama's blessing!" Sasuke told directed.

"That's not the issue here! If it were enemy ninja or bandits I would help you but you want to kill our new sensei!" Naruto complained. Sakura once again appeared lost.

"The commandments state-" Sasuke started.

"Sasuke listen to me, as the closest thing to a friend you have it is my duty to tell you that when the demon is trying to teach you the value of human life there is something wrong." Sakura seemed to freeze up but Naruto disregarded it.

"Jashin-sama understands the value which is why he demands it as sacrifice from his followers to show him our loyalty." Sasuke lectured him like he was speaking to wayward youth.

"Human sacrifice? You are quite right Uzumaki-san there is something very wrong with Uchiha-san here." The duo turned their attention to their female teammate and quickly realized who was currently in charge.

Both of the body and the situation.

Missy, the bane of all other forms of authority. Also all known medical ailments. That was terrifying for the billions of tiny germs and bacteria that none of them could see but who cares about them.

"Let's have a seat Uchiha-san." Missy directed conveniently ignoring the fact he was already sitting down. Her lab coat (where had she gotten that?) blew dramatically in the wind behind her. "Perhaps you as well Uzumaki-san, you undoubtedly have a guilty conscious considering your previous status as the Kyuubi no Youko."

Sasuke and Naruto most certainly did not like the look on the pink haired girl's face as she pulled out a clipboard and pen. She scribbled down something before glancing back up at them, "Well?" She said in a calm tone, "What are you waiting for. _Sit down._ " It wasn't said loudly or even more seriously but something about the way she said it made Naruto plop to the ground without a second thought.

"Now then Uchiha-san," Missy directed at Sasuke, "Tell me about your childhood."

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, half an hour later…_

Kakashi was a tad confused when he finally arrived at the training ground. This was mostly due to the fact that two of his potential students were sobbing while the last one was taking notes on a clipboard.

He had been up late the night before reading through his new students files and was a bit more than mildly concerned. Naruto apparently really did think he was the Kyuubi and now had some sort of complex to make up for everything he did. Sasuke had turned to religion when his family had died and planned to use his newfound faith to kill his brother. And Sakura…

The person who had done the psyche reviews was actually fairly confused about her. Four distinct personalities had been identified but nobody had any idea what brought them about. Normally some form of childhood trauma would cause this to occur but there had been none in Sakura's case.

"And he's just so annoying! I have no idea how we ended up as acquaintances! I mean if I could kill him I would, but he doesn't seem able to die so at least he won't just leave me here like everyone else." Sasuke ranted as Sakura(?) took notes in a notepad.

"Very interesting. Tell me more about you brother? Itachi was it?" Sakura, who probably wasn't Sakura right now asked.

"That Man." Sasuke hissed, "Is not my brother. What he is, is a sacrifice to Jashin-sama to both appease him and avenge my family."

"Interesting." Sakura(?) muttered quickly writing some more notes.

"But what about me?" Naruto asked sniffling. "Why did my parents never come looking for me when I got turned into a human? Did they even care about me? Maybe they left me when I was a little fox kit and that's why I became an evil monster!"

"I'm not an expert on demons so I'm not sure you even had parents Naruto." Kakashi twitched at her explanation. He knew for a fact that Naruto was _not_ a demon and did indeed have parents. Also the fact that he personally knew and mourned the kid's parents also factored into it.

"That makes it even worse!" Naruto cried out.

"Well isn't this curious." Kakashi noted truthfully as he walked into the clearing. He decided to downplay his true feelings on the matter.

"Ah hello sensei." Missy, he had deduced it was based on the characterizations in the files he had reviewed the previous night, didn't even look up as she scribbled some additional notes. "Are we going to be starting the test soon?"

"Well that was the plan." Kakashi said putting a hand on his chin dramatically, "But given the current state of your teammates perhaps I should just fail you now."

Missy froze and Sasuke and Naruto pulled themselves back together. All within three seconds. Not too shabby for genin. He was just beginning to plan how he run the tormen- *ahem* test, when the pencil in Missy's hand snapped.

Except it wasn't Missy's hand anymore.

"What was that sensei? I thought I heard you say that you would just fail us because those two are emotional wrecks? But you couldn't have said that because then I would have to RIP YOUR INTESTINES OUT AND WEAR THEM AS A SCARF, CHA!" Inner Sakura roared.

Naruto and Sasuke took one large step back a piece from Inner as Kakashi eye-smiled in amusement.

"Well that's the right kind of drive you need for this test!" Kakashi said happily, ignoring the aura of death emanating from his female student's most violent personality. "You see I have two bells." He held up said bells for the children to see. "Whoever can get a bell before this timer runs out." He held up his other hand with a timer sitting in it. "Will pass, whoever doesn't will be tied to a pole without lunch and be sent back to academy."

"That doesn't sound right…" Sakura said, apparently she had calmed down while he was talking. A pity the violent one looked rather interesting. "Each team is made of three genin and a jounin sensei…"

"She's right." Sasuke agreed with her.

"He said we all had to get a bell right? So that just means each of us just has to get a bell at one point not that we all need to have one at the end." Naruto deduced.

Kakashi felt like tearing up as he watched his perspective team tear apart the bell test that had defeated ninja in training mightier than they. Of course that could just be a fault of his wording, oh well they still had to work together to pass.

"How 'bout we all go after him at once?" Naruto suggested.

"One of us has got to manage to get a bell." Sasuke agreed. "Then we just pass it around to everyone."

Kakashi's eye twitched. His good eye. Well the good eye that was actually his. And not his dead best friend's sharingan. He forced himself to breath. _Just stick with the plan Hatake. Just stick with the plan._

"You'll have to come at me with everything you have-" He was cut off before he could continued by the sword that he could've sworn was on Sasuke's back came close to taking his head off.

"'K" He said as he came at Kakashi again. The Uchiha was surprisingly fast for his age and rank. If he could hold onto his speed he could be deadly in the future.

Of course for now Kakashi was far faster than he could dream of being. The sword strikes were fast and targeted vital points such as the neck, but they were sloppy and imprecise. Sasuke had a long way to go apparently, even if he was a so called prodigy though Kakashi assumed that was just hype brought on from him being the last loyal Uchiha, he was no Itachi and Kakashi knew it.

"Lesson one tai-" Kakashi was cut off once again. Seriously wouldn't these kids let him finish a damn sentence?

"MY TURN!" Naruto cheered and made a hand sign. Suddenly the clearing was a mass of orange. Clones, Kakashi deduced. Then one threw a kunai that Kakashi swiftly dodged before jumping over a surprise low slice from Sasuke's sword. Shadow Clones, he amended as they charged him along with Sasuke.

"As I was saying before I was _rudely_ interrupted…" Kakashi started again sidestepping Sasuke's blade, allowing a group of clones to crash into each other, and grabbing the twelve year old by the upper arm. "Lesson one, Taijutsu." He then nimbly flipped Sasuke into a bunch of clones causing them to poof into smoke and for Sasuke to go rolling along the ground. The clones however kept coming and Kakashi darted through them striking them and causing them to disperse faster than any of them could strike him. It was actually quite amusing.

In a matter of seconds every single clone in the clearing had been turned into smoke, leaving… an empty clearing. Huh. What happened to Sasuke and Naruto. He supposed there had been a lot of smoke…

Wait where was Sakura?

* * *

 _Sakura POV…_

When she had seen her teammates try to take on their new sensei, Sakura had frozen up. Sasuke had his sword and had looked so cool, Naruto (who was certainly less cool) had still managed to provide some irritation to their sensei and in the smoke of all of the dispersing she had made her escape to hide and try and figure out how to get the bells.

Looking back that was probably Naruto and Sasuke's plan. The other girls who liked Sasuke had noticed as the relationship between the demon boy and last Uchiha had grown over the years. Problem was they had no idea how it really started, so they couldn't try to get into his good favors. But the two had some sort of sync and had likely only attacked first to see if they could get a read on the silver haired man's abilities.

When she had run out of clearing she had gone a ways before doubling back and sneaking the last stretch.

So here she was hiding under a bush watching her perspective teacher read a porn novel.

Don't ask how she knew what that was, she was a good and proper young lady but Inner and Missy had _problems._

Her other personalities were a weird subject for her.

She knew they were there, but she never actually really talked to them. They occasionally left each other notes telling each other to do important stuff but that was the entirety of their relationship.

Sakura had gone to various psychologists over the years to try and work out the problems but none of them had had much headway. Mainly because no one knew how they formed. Most people with the disorder had lived through a traumatic childhood filled with abuse and cruelty, but Sakura didn't have that. Her parents loved her, she had been friends with other girls back before they started fighting over Sasuke. Honestly the worst she had was when she had been bullied for her forehead.

"Hey Sakura." Naruto suddenly said to her from where he was crouched beside her.

She nearly shrieked in surprise. She hadn't even heard the bush rustle, how did he get here? Was it a demon thing?

"What do you want?" She hissed.

"Well the teme and I, hey no hitting he is a teme." He told her when she tried to whack him over the head. "Anyway the teme and I agree that a team is supposed to have three genin, therefore we decided it's part of the test. We think it's about teamwork or something like that." Naruto rolled his eyes. "He could at least come out and tell us instead of trying to trick us into doing the exact opposite."

"Does Sasuke-kun have a plan?" She asked desperate to get her crushes approval.

"Actually I have a plan and Sasuke critiqued it. Always good to have multiple inputs." Naruto told her.

"How's it work?" She asked after a moment. If Sasuke agreed to it, then it must be a good plan.

"Not here, Kakashi is right there." Naruto said pointing at the seemingly ignorant perverted sensei. Sakura nodded in agreement and they slipped away.

* * *

 _Kakashi POV…_

Kakashi had heard every word of course and was feeling a tad ecstatic. Sure they had picked apart the meaning behind the test but the question of whether or not they actually could work together had yet to be answered. Understanding is only part of the solution.

So being the reasonable cyclops he was, he decided to sneakily follow after Naruto and Sakura and find out what the plan was.

As he leaped through the trees in the forest he noted that there were a number of traps scattered around. Most of them were on the ground fortunately but he soon saw that a tree branch ahead of him had been partially cut through. If he had landed on it he would have gone crashing. So he leaped to the less obvious branch behind it.

However as soon as he touched down on the branch a series of seals flashed and he found himself paralyzed and unable to move his limbs. He could still feel them but couldn't get himself to move. He was in a crouched position and after five minutes it was beginning to get uncomfortable.

"Hi there sensei." Naruto's voice said happily from the ground.

Kakashi shifted his single eye down and saw his team staring back up at him. Sasuke was smirking, Naruto was grinning and Sakura looked a bit lost but still overall happy.

"Mmph" He managed to get out.

"Oh it's just a bunch of paralysis seals. They'll where off in a bit. Kinda like Sasuke's freaky suicide-murder seal." Naruto explained.

"Hey!" Sasuke glared at him. "That is the holy sacrificial seal of Jashin-sama and you will respect it."

"Yeah well I'm an immortal demon what does Jashin have on me?" Naruto shot back. The two began bickering about whether demons or gods were better.

"Gmmf!" Kakashi tried to say.

"What's that Kakashi-sensei? You agree with me? See Sasuke, even sensei agrees." Naruto incorrectly translated.

"What are you saying dobe? Of course he's agreeing with me that even demons like you should still respect the gods!" Sasuke made his own wrong attempt.

"Mmm." Kakashi groaned in acceptance.

"Oh right, hey Sakura, since it was my seals that trapped Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke's idea to lure him into it, if you get the bells and give it to us that means we each got the bells and worked as a team to pass!" Naruto explained happily.

After Sakura managed to shimmy up the tree she quickly nabbed the bells off of Kakashi's belt and jumped down. She tossed one to each of her new teammates.

"Well this was fun!" Naruto said and Sasuke nodded. "Who wants ramen?"

"Dammit Naruto is that all you ever eat?" Sasuke complained as they started leaving. Sakura trailing along behind.

"Well I pretty sure I ate people in the past, but I think I'm a bit small for that at this point." Naruto mentioned sounding thoughtful.

"Jashin-sama damn it Naruto." Sasuke groaned resting his forehead in his hand.

Naruto paused. "Oh yeah! Sensei that should wear off in a few hours. See ya tomorrow! Try to be on time though!" His eyes flashed red. **"Or else."** He then smiled cheerily, turned back around and continued on his way with Sakura keeping a noticeably larger distance between them now.

So Kakashi was left unable to move on a branch wondering where it all went wrong.

Probably somewhere after his father died, team died, sensei and his wife died, and he threw himself into missions to block out the pain, completely ignoring said sensei's child allowing him to convince himself he was a demon.

Yeah that would be it.

* * *

 _Same POV, later…_

"Team Seven, pass." Kakashi announced sounding bored. He decided to ignore the incredulous stares of the rest of the room. He would let them all assume that the bell test had been done right with one of the potential students tied to a stump and that they had learned the true value of teamwork the hard way.

That was his story and he would stick to it and there was no way in hell he was going to admit he had been tricked by genin. He knew he had been getting lazy but this was unacceptable, he would have to step up his own training and observation skills. That had been a rookie mistake and he would not repeat it.

Kakashi had arrived late as usual which nobody questioned but plenty of people grumbled about. Most people assumed he had just been doing his normal thing instead of literally being unable to attend due to being paralyzed. So it was a good thing he was habitually late or that would have brought up some questions.

Questions that he was sure he would find a way around but that he would rather not deal with.

"Very well then." Hiruzen said, "Everyone whose team failed you may go, Asuma, Kurenai and Kakashi, you stay I want to hear your report.

 _Okay then get your story straight,_ Kakashi thought to himself. _You completely embarrassed your three genin in Taijutsu, Genjutsu and Ninjutsu._ One of those was true at least. _It ended with you tying… Sakura, yeah Sakura to a stump. Then her teammates decided to give her lunch and you passed them…_ Kakashi internally smirked. No one would ever have to know what really happened.

"Why don't you go first Kakashi? I was watching your test on my crystal ball so I'll be happy to fact check. But I want to hear it from your point of view." The Sandaime said seriously but Kakashi could have _sworn_ that he saw amusement flashing in the man's eyes.

Kami damn it.

* * *

 _Naruto POV, Ichiraku Ramen..._

"How did you do that with your eyes and voice?" Sasuke asked as he swallowed his tomato ramen. "I've never seen you do that before." He added.

"Not sure really, just wanted to test a theory. I know I still have my demonic chakra, I just can't use much of it unless I'm dying." Naruto admitted. "So I tried to channel some of it consciously for once."

"Neat trick." He admitted and went back to eating.

Sakura had been silent the entire time obviously trying to figure out how to get involved in the conversation. She perked up when she realized something.

"Naruto you said it was your plan but you told Kakashi-sensei it was Sasuke-kun's idea-" Sakura started.

"It was my plan to trap him in a paralysis seal and Sasuke's idea to lure him into one rather than me trying to place one on him in a fight." Naruto explained.

"Oh." Sakura said.

At this point Sasuke had finished his meal and was praying to Jashin while Sakura had eaten all she was going to of her low-fat, low calorie, all organic no preservatives added, ramen. Naruto finished up his fifth bowl and sighed contently.

"I'm not sure about you guys but I think this is gonna be great! I mean what could go wrong?" Naruto grinned.

* * *

 **And that's a wrap.**

 **References:**

 **[1] Shameless story promotion is shameless.**

 **This chapter was originally going to come out in a couple weeks but I've kept you guys waiting long enough. There will still be an update in a couple of weeks but this should keep you over until then.**

 **Why did this take as long as it did? You would not BELIEVE how many time I rewrote this.**

 **Literally six.**

 **First one was too short.**

 **Second one was too serious.**

 **Third one wasn't serious enough.**

 **Fourth one skipped some stuff.**

 **Fifth one had too many flashbacks.**

 **Sixth one was what you just read.**

 **So let's do what I have not done in ages and do reviews!**

 **LiveForeverOrDieTrying : Glad you thought it was good!**

 **The Old Samurai : Give it a chapter or two. I am going to have so much fun with that meeting :)**

 **Brandon ShadowWalker: I have done so, and kept on writing. Enjoy!**

 **Daygon Yuuki: Orochimaru will still try coming after Sasuke, but I promise you that Hidan and Sasuke will meet and when they do it will be awesome and hilarious.**

 **Wrairh: Glad you love it!**

 **Guest : Continue it I have!**

 **MadaraUchiha-chan: Here is more! Hope you like it!**

 **That's about it for this time. Tune in next time to hear Zabuza question what is obviously true:**

* * *

"What the fuck do you mean you're a real demon? You're just some blonde brat!"

Naruto's eyes went red. **"You dare question the Kyuubi no Youko tiny nuke-nin?"**

"What the fu-…"

* * *

 **See ya next time!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	3. Team Dynamics

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto, is annoyed that people won't take him seriously.**

 **Sakura, is annoyed at her other personalities.**

 **Sasuke, is annoyed at all the damn atheists.**

 **Kakashi, is still in the resistance phase.**

 **Oh by the way, there is a reason Sakura has multiple personalities, when will it be revealed? I won't tell you :P**

 **But I will eventually reveal it. I just won't reveal when I will do the revealing.**

 **Story time!**

* * *

 _Konoha, general POV..._

Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves. Such a serene and peaceful place. That is to be expected of course it is the most powerful of the five great ninja villages so who would dare challenge it? At this time of year especial-

"DAMN CAT, GET BACK HERE!"

Err... as I was saying at this time of year especially the leaves are just beg-

"SHOOT, IT JUMPED OVER THE TRAP SEALS!"

-inning to turn the most beautiful shade of green-

"LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!"

Of fuck it I was trying to set the scene but, hey! Whatever. Who cares? I sure fucking don't!

"Are you guys sticking to the plan?" Kakashi asked over the radio flipping a page.

"We tried, it didn't work." Sasuke growled as he watched both Inner and Naruto chase after Tora the cat in a mad dash all around a Mulberry Bush.

"What about plan B?" Kakashi asked from where he was about three hundred yards away happily reading his book.

"Plan B needed Naruto's trap seals to still be in place." Sasuke said as watched Inner use Naruto's head as launch board to propel herself towards Tora who had leaped up onto a tree branch.

"What happened to the trap seal?" Kakashi asked actually putting down his book in interest.

Sasuke glanced down at the chakra enhanced ropes that currently had him tied up from the neck down to his ankles. "No comment." He responded.

"Well if you're not in the sharing mood." Kakashi sighed as he returned his attention to his novel. He was just getting to the page where the main character stealthily infiltrated the all-girls hospital to visit a pair of twin nurses. He giggled pervertedly.

"...Sensei are you reading porn?" Sasuke asked after a moment. Naruto had pulled himself back up and was chucking paralysis field seals attached to kunai at the cat. Inner had fallen off the branch she was on and landed face first in a bush.

"Now what would make you think that Sasuke-chan?" Kakashi asked teasingly, turning the page of his book.

"Do not call me that… Especially not when you're reading porn. Why don't you at least try to read some real literature?" Sasuke asked as he watched the recovered Inner attempt to use Naruto as a weapon to beat Tora into the ground… and failing.

"Oh and what might you recommend?" Kakashi asked as the main character encountered his long lost and thought dead lover in the amnesia ward of the hospital.

"The Holy Book of Jashin-sama." Sasuke suggested as Inner got caught in one of the Paralysis fields and dropped Naruto. If looks could kill the blonde's head probably would have exploded given the look Inner was giving him.

"I've never been the religious." Kakashi noted as the main character found himself in a room with his amnesiac lover, the twin nurses and his sexy arch rival and potential love interest.

"Fucking atheist." Sasuke muttered as he watched Naruto finally grab onto the cat and slap a seal onto it that temporarily shut down all higher brain functions.

"And what's wrong with being an atheist?" Kakashi asked as things began to heat up when it turned out the main character's rival was having a lesbian affair with the main character's amnesiac lover! He loved this book _so_ much.

Before Sasuke could explain exactly how stupid it was to go through life without the holy blood colored light of Jashin-sama Naruto finally announced over the radio. "I GOT IT!"

"Well done Naruto!" Kakashi congratulated the blonde snapping his book closed. It was just getting to the good part but being the responsible adult he was, he would focus on his Genin team.

"All in a day's work sensei!" Naruto said picking up the downed animal.

"Sasuke, Sakura, why can't you be more like Naruto?' Kakashi asked seriously.

"GRMMPH!" Inner growled, still unable to move due to the paralysis. But it probably translated to something like; "CHA, I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND THAT BLONDE LITTLE SHIT-STAIN, CYCLOPS!"

"I hate you all so much." Sasuke announced before suddenly losing his balance and toppling over face first. "Ow." He groaned into the ground due to the fact he couldn't catch himself from falling with his arms tied. At least the grass was reasonably comfortable.

"No measly cat can match the all powerful fox demon!" Naruto cheered hoisting the unconscious cat over his head.

"Naruto we've been over this. You're not a demon." Kakashi sighed with frustration. In the few months he'd had them as students he had attempted to rid Naruto of his insane belief that he was the Kyuubi given human form. Unfortunately...

"And like I've said before, you can stop pretending now sensei. _I know."_ Naruto hissed out the last part as though imparting a secret. He stood up and began walking towards Sasuke to untie him only to end up trapped in one of his own paralysis field seals.

This was the scene Kakashi arrived on a few moments later. Sasuke lying face first on the ground while tied up, Inner with both hands poised above her head as though to smash something with a hammer and Naruto with Tora tucked under his arm with his foot raised as though he were about to take a step. He sighed and shook his head in shame.

Yep, just another normal day for Team Seven.

* * *

 _Naruto's POV, Hokage's office…_

The members of Team Seven (Not including Kakashi) glared at the cat they had captured. Currently it was being crushed- *ahem* cuddled lovingly by its owner.

Stupid cat, Naruto thought to himself, it had us running in circles for hours! He conceded that if he was treated like this animal was though, he would probably run away and do whatever it took to never return.

When he had finally graduated and become a ninja, Naruto had been expecting to do awesome ninja stuff, not chores. He did have to admit they were at least a way for him to get done his good deed of the day. It wasn't exactly making up for the thousands of lives he had taken and/or ruined during his past life, but hey! It was a start at least.

Of course that didn't mean he was just going to sit down and take more of these dumb D-ranks.

"I've had it with all these stupid missions! Can't we get a real mission for once!" He complained deciding to direct it at Kakashi rather than the Hokage..

"I don't know…" Kakashi said thoughtfully. "You're still rather new to this. I think we should do a few more D-ranks just to be sure."

Tora took this opportunity to leap out of his owner's arms and flee to freedom once again.

"Ah!" Kakashi said pleasantly as Madame Shijimi cried about her pussy. "It appears a new mission has just opened up!"

"NO!" The three genin cried out simultaneously. None of them wanted to go after that damn cat again.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked sounding concerned. "It would be very good practice for real missions."

"So you admit they are not true missions Hatake-san." Naruto nearly leapt out of his skin at the unexpected input from Missy. When did Sakura switch? There wasn't anyone injured around right now!

"Oh, well you see..." Kakashi started trying to defend his statement.

"Hokage-sama, I formerly request a C-rank mission for myself and my team. We have been able to complete every mission assigned to us thus far and therefore are clearly legible for a more difficult and _useful_ task." Missy directed at the Hokage. Naruto paused to wonder where that lab coat kept popping up from.

"Hmm." Hiruzen hummed thoughtfully lightly stroking his small beard. "I suppose your argument is fairly valid. As long as your sensei agrees I see no reason not to assign you a C-ranked mission." He explained and looked to Kakashi for confirmation.

"Well, I suppose it might be good for them to get some experience outside of the village." Kakashi agreed after considering for a moment.

"In that case you have quite good timing. For it just so happens I have a mission concerning escorting a-" The Sandaime read the mission file and frowned. "-a super awesome bridge builder back to super Wave Country so he can finish building his super bridge."

"I'm sorry to say that I have never heard of super Wave Country, but we'll be happy to escort him to normal Wave Country!" Kakashi eye smiled.

"Very well then, send Tazuna in." Hiruzen directed.

Naruto wondered just what kind of person they were escorting when he walked in. It was an old man with glasses holding a sake bottle. Lovely. He could smell the alcohol on his breath from here. They were escorting a drunk, what fun.

Then again, maybe he'd finally get to try alcohol. He and Sasuke had tried a year ago because of… reasons, but had not actually managed to get any.

It was a funny story actually. You see-

"What the heck? I asked for some super ninja to escort me." Tazuna took a gulp of his bottle. "Not a bunch of green brats. They look like they couldn' protect a fly. Especially the stupid looking blonde one."

Okay he was paying for that comment.

Naruto reached for the small part of his sealed chakra he could access and allowed it to flow through him. When his vision took on a red hue he spoke, **"What was that you pathetic little ant?"**

He felt an immense satisfaction when the bridge builder froze and dropped his bottle. Next to him Sasuke smirked and Missy just shook her head. Kakashi just sighed. To be fair the man probably was concerned about his willingness to reveal himself, but he knew what he was now so there was no use hiding it from everyone.

Tazuna coughed turning away slightly. "What I meant to say was I'm honored that you're willing to take time away from your busy schedule to aid me. You… whatever you are."

Naruto smiled happily, "Great! I can't wait to get going!"

Watching this, Hiruzen could not help but wonder if he should have corrected Naruto when he had the chance…

Oh well.

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, The next morning, Konoha's gates…_

"So are you three all set to go?" Kakashi asked his three students the next morning using shunshin to appear behind them.

They jumped and turned to stare at him.

And stare at him.

And stare some more at him.

And continue to stare at him.

"Is something wrong?" He finally asked the trio after two whole minutes had passed without any of them blinking. That was not healthy for the eyes after all. Or in his case eye. Singular. Maybe they could close one and then the other would dry out and they'd only have one eye too.

Wait a second. Was he actually fantasizing about his students losing one eye a piece? Maybe that blood covered homeless man with the rat puppets was right and he did need therapy.

"S-s-sensei…" Sakura started a panicked look on her face.

"You're a-a-actually…" Naruto continued his eyes widening in horror.

"On. TIme." Sasuke finished reaching up to his neck and grasping the prayer beads that hung around it like they were a lifeline.

"Hmmm?" Kakashi toned putting on a thoughtful look. "Huh, I guess I am. How lucky the road of life lead me here today!" He said with an eye smile. In truth he had only shown up on time so he could promote a professional attitude to Tazuna to help Konoha's image.

Unfortunately his genin decided to ruin it.

"IT'S THE END TIMES!" Sakura screeched and start to sob into her hands.

"I'M NOT READY TO DIE YET!" Naruto shouted clutching his head and running in circles.

"Oh Jashin-sama, I apologize for failing you so early. I humbly offer my soul to you for judgement. I pray that you take my short time in this world into consideration before judging me." Sasuke muttered as he knelt and prayed.

Kakashi sweatdropped and Tazuna just watched the spectacle dumbfounded.

"Is there something wrong with them?" He asked Kakashi seriously.

Kakashi just shook his head shamefully. "There are so many things wrong with them."

It took about ten minutes to convince the team that no, the world was not ending, and yes Kakashi really was on time and was not an imposter.

That however led to another rather asromgical conclusion.

"He must be possessed!" Sakura deduced.

"Of course!" Naruto slapped his forehead. "Why didn't I think of that!" He turned to Kakashi. "Do you know who I am? **I am the Kyuubi no Youko! Get out of my perverted sensei lesser demon!"** He roared and tried to tackle Kakashi.

Kakashi just sighed and reached out and grabbed Naruto's head keeping his wild swings at bay. Like he would allow himself to be possessed by a demon. If anything had possessed him it would have been a ghost because he wouldn't have been able to see or hear it coming. But it's not like there are dead teenagers just floating around in an endless green void or anything.

(In an alternate universe and/or dimension a white haired, green eyed teenager sneezed) [1]

"I can assure you three I am most certainly myself and not currently possessed by anything. Demons or otherwise." Kakashi told them.

So much for helping Konoha's image.

"Okay then now that, that's sorted out. Are you three all packed a ready?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto held up a storage scroll, of course.

Sakura presented a bag which was filled with dresses, make-up, lab coats, and spare glasses. Did she actually need glasses and only Lucy was willing to wear them or something?

Sasuke presented a bag that was filled with some more practical items. As well as some less practical ones such as an extra set a prayer beeds, a sacrificial knife and a copy of The Holy Book of Jashin-sama.

"I'd be willing to let you borrow that." Sasuke added helpfully as Kakashi inspected the book.

"I'm good thanks." Kakashi told him whipping out his own copy of Icha Icha: Paradise. The three genin groaned.

"Oh, is that the new one?" Tazuna asked. "I'm a few novels behind." He admitted. The genin glared at their client with a distinct lack of respect.

After checking in with the gate guards the group marched off towards Wave.

Due to this fact they missed the following conversation:

"Hey Kotetsu?" Izumo asked.

"Yeah Izumo?" Kotetsu put down his manga novel.

"You ever notice how Naruto looks like the Yondaime Hokage?" Izumo questioned.

Kotetsu looked thoughtful. "Huh." They both looked towards the Yondaime's giant stone face carved into the side of the mountain.

"Yeah you're right he does kinda look like Yondaime-sama." Kotetsu agreed after a moment. "How weird."

Izumo nodded, "Yeah, must be a coincidence." Kotetsu nodded and went back to his manga about two best friends who always had guard duty together but one secretly had a crush on the other. He just felt some sort of connection to it.

* * *

 _General POV, on the road to Wave…_

"Ugh it's so hot!" Sakura complained as they trudged along the road.

"Yeah it's been days since there's been any rain." Sasuke agreed. Sakura's eyes lit up with hearts in them due to the fact that her Sasuke-kun was agreeing with her. Even though this is biologically impossible. Also rather cliche. Just accept it and keep reading.

"Huh, then it's a good thing I dropped an explosive tag in that random puddle back there." Naruto commented.

"Wait what?"

BOOM

Two smoking and wet lumps went flying over their heads and crashed on the road in front of them, twitching.

"Aww man." Naruto complained seeing the twitching forms of two ninja.

"Why are you complaining isn't that what you were planning?" Sasuke asked confused.

"What? Of course not! I just wanted to make a big splash of water to cool us down!" Naruto explained his reasoning. "I had no idea it was a… actually how did they do that?"

"This part was written when the series was new and Kishimoto was still w-working out how our world worked." Lucy explained pushing up her glasses nervously. That was weird, Sakura hadn't been reading anything...

"Fourth wall breaking aside." Kakashi sent a glare at Lucy who looked down in shame. "It's a bit hard to tell but I'd say these two were the Demon Brothers, a pair of chunin level Kiri nuke-nin."

"Wait so are they actually demons?" Naruto asked curiously.

"No people just call them that." Kakashi told him.

"But they're not real demons." Naruto complained.

"Neither are you." Kakashi pointed out.

"Okay Kakashi-sensei it used to be funny but now it's kinda getting annoying. Knock off the whole "Naruto is really a human" act." He scolded Kakashi.

Kakashi just closed his eye and counted to three. "Whatever the case I am very curious why there are two nuke-nin who just happened to be sitting around waiting for us. Now they could have been after me but I doubt it considering this mission could have just as easily been assigned to another team."

"So Tazuna, care to explain why these two are after you." Kakashi asked a deadly glint in his eye.

"Wait what happened? Who are those two? Why is everything clearer?" Sakura suddenly asked as she looked around feeling very confused. She still had Lucy's glasses on too which explained the last question.

Sasuke just sighed. If only these fools had accepted Jashin-sama, then they would be able to live their lives with true clarity and would hopefully be less insane and more normal and well adjusted like himself.

Damn atheists.

* * *

 _Timeskip…_

After getting the truth about the mission out of Tazuna, that they was a businessman named Gato who had been terrorizing Wave Country, the team decided to continue on. Naruto had checked with Tazuna to find out if this guy was calling himself a demon too. Fortunately for Gato, he was not.

So the group continued on and met the Rower Guy. He rowed the boat gently down the stream. Not so merrily but you get the idea.

"Hey guys what's not white and fluffy, but still probably wants to kill us?" Naruto asked suddenly as they walked through a completely natural and normal fog.

"Is this some sort of weird riddle?" Sakura asked. She had left her glasses on after assurances from Sasuke that it did not make her look ugly. "And why would anything white and fluffy want to kill us.

"Knowing Naruto, probably both a warning and a riddle. Also he has weird fear of rabbits" Sasuke sighed. "Oh we should probably duck." He added dropping to the ground.

"Hey I've told you before teme it's a completely rational fea-" Naruto was suddenly cut off quite literally as a massive blade came spinning through the air and nearly sliced his torso in two. He dropped to the ground in a bloody mess.

Kakashi froze as he watched his sensei's son suddenly and unexpectedly, (kind of) die. Damn it! He had failed someone else. If only he had both eyes and depth perception. He might've been able to save him.

His resolve hardened. Whoever this bastard was he was going to make him pay.

"Damn it Naruto, not again." Sasuke muttered and Sakura just stared blankly at the unexpected blood that had sprayed and gotten on her.

"Well honestly I thought it would be harder to kill any of you than that." A voice said. The group turned away from Naruto's body and saw a man with bandages wrapped around his mouth standing on the sword where it was embedded in a nearby tree. "Oh well, guess I got my hopes up to high."

"SHANNARO!" Inner Sakura suddenly roared and pounded the tree where the sword wielding ninja had just been standing.

"What?" The bandage man asked as he watched the tree break in two. That little girl just punched hard enough to splinter a tree. That was concerning.

"YOU GOT BLOOD ON ME, CHA!" She screamed at him and came running with death in her eyes.

She was unexpectedly dropped to the ground by a whack on the head just before she reached him.

"Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist." Kakashi growled staring at the man who had just killed one of his students and knocked out another. He slipped his hand into his kunai pouch and pulled one out.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" A voice Kakashi had not expected to hear again shouted. He whipped around to see Naruto sitting up, still covered and blood whacking his forehead repeatedly. Kakashi was flooded with both relief and confusion. Relief that his student was alive and confusion at the fact that, well, _he was alive_.

"Didn't I just kill him?" Zabuza asked seemingly no one as everyone else's attention was on Naruto.

"Why is it there are so many fake demons!" Naruto complained pulling himself to his feet. "All those Demonic Illusion techniques for Genjutsu, those two people I blew up earlier, even Kakashi-sensei was pretending to be one earlier!" He ranted.

"No I wasn't…" Kakashi said quietly still rather shocked Naruto was still alive.

"Listen up! I am the only real demon here! Anyone else who claims to be one, is a pretender, 'ttebayo!" Naruto told everyone.

"What the fuck do you mean you're a real demon? You're just some blonde brat!" Zabuza said

Naruto's eyes went red. **"You dare question the Kyuubi no Youko tiny nuke-nin?"**

"What the fu-" Zabuza started but stopped to dodge before Kakashi could fully slice his neck open with a kunai.

"To tell you the truth, I'm rather out of practice." Kakashi told Zabuza as the nuke-nin put pressure on the small gash on his windpipe. The Leaf Ninja had uncovered the sharingan eye his friend had given him. But the scarecrow wasn't done attacking. Zabuza barely had time to raise his sword before Kakashi could shove a kunai through his heart.

"But I just watched my sensei's only legacy nearly die before I could fix whatever the hell his messed up childhood did to him. So right now I can tell you, if you don't back off, I will kill you." Kakashi stared him in the eye with both his own eye and Obito's sharingan. If his tone of voice was anything to go by, he believed every word he said.

"I'd like to see you try Copycat Kakashi." Zabuza told him, smirking behind his bandages and shoved the other man away.

" **And** _ **I'D**_ **like to see people like you, stop ripping off real demons like me!"** Naruto shouted, his eyes still red, as he hurled a barrage of kunai trailing various types of seals at the "Demon" of the Bloody Mist.

"Like a weak little newbie genin like you could- oh shit." Zabuza said as he saw the explosive tag on one of the kunai flash.

Zabuza however was not a A-ranked nuke-nin and a swordsman of the hidden mist for nothing. He had simply used the Kawarimi to switch with the nearest thing. Which just so happened to be Kakashi.

Kakashi however was not an A-ranked former ANBU captain for nothing. _He_ used the Kawarimi to switch with a nearby log.

Praise the log!

"Okay neat trick brat." Zabuza admitted ignoring the shouted correction of **"DEMON!"** , "Let me show you one of mine." He started making a series of hand seals.

Meanwhile Sasuke was drawing in the dirt and Tazuna was huddled behind a tree beginning to regret lying about the missions difficulty.

A moment later, the mist deepened and covered the entire area effectively blinding everyone. The leaf shinobi looked around and tried to pinpoint the swordsman.

"Sasuke, Naruto be careful, he's a master of the silent killing technique." Kakashi warned them. He wasn't quite sure how Naruto had survived but he wasn't going to complain about it.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted as he finished what he was doing. It was hard to tell in the mist but it looked like he did it right.

"Hey Sakura, can you see anything?" Naruto called to his unconscious teammate. He had allowed his demonic chakra to fade away.

"Zabuza knocked her out while you were unconscious." Sasuke told him as he unsheathed his sword.

"Darn, we could use Missy or Inner right now." Naruto pouted.

"MMMPH!" A grunt suddenly came from where Tazuna was hiding.

Except it wasn't Tazuna grunting.

"SWEET IT WORKED!" Naruto cheered as the mist slowly began to dissipate making it easier to see.

This was most unfortunate for the bridge builder who nearly pissed himself when he saw a motionless Zabuza trembling with his sword poised to take the "Super" bridge builder's head off.

"Naruto- what?" Kakashi managed to say, feeling a bit out of the loop.

"Oh after the whole thing with the puddle brothers a slipped a seal I'd been working on, onto Tazuna. Instead of paralyzing the person who has it on, it paralysis anyone with a high enough amount of adrenaline at the moment." Naruto explained causing Sasuke and Kakashi to blink at him blankly.

"What?" He said indignantly. "I can be smart sometimes!"

"Can I still sacrifice him to Jashin-sama?" Sasuke asked hopefully. It had been far too long since he had been able to offer a human sacrifice to Jashin-sama.

"Well I don't see why not." Naruto told him with a shrug.

A bunch of senbon needles suddenly stuck out of Zabuza's neck causing him to drop like a rock. This is due to the fact the paralysis seals only work if the target is still alive. Apparently death-like states also count.

"Okay now I see why not." Naruto conceded.

"Thank you for disabling him like that." A voice that's gender could not be assumed said as a masked figure appeared. "I have been hunting Zabuza for some time now and you made his death much simpler for me."

"DAMN IT YOU RUINED MY SACRIFICE!" Sasuke shouted at the masked nin causing them to sweatdrop.

"My apologies but I needed to kill him." The hunter-nin said as they jumped down and lifted Zabuza's body. "I thank you for your aid in that endeavor.

"I would've done it! You couldn't have waited a minute?" Sasuke complained. Kakashi however ,after re-covering his sharingan, had noticed something.

"Why did you use senbon needles to kill him? And why are you taking his body?' Kakashi eye widened as he came to a realization and he tensed up. "You-" He felt a series of sharp prin picks in the back of his neck. Then the world went dark and he collapsed.

"What? You?" Naruto and Sasuke turned just in time to see the hunter nin Shunshin away. They were now alone in the clearing with a drunk old man, an unconscious teammate and an unconscious sensei.

Sasuke turned to Naruto. "Do you think I could get away with sacrificing the old man instead?"

Naruto stared at him for a moment then sighed and face plamed. "No Sasuke, no you can't."

"Damn it."

Tazuna sat staring for a minute before pulling his sake bottle out and downing the whole thing.

He was way too old for this crap.

* * *

 **And scene.**

 **Much faster this time!**

 **I had a lot of fun with parts of this. Some trouble with the Zabuza fight. I wanted it to end a bit anti-climatically but without bullshit overpowering people. So Naruto messing with a new seal seemed like the best bet.**

 **References:**

 **[1] More story promotion continues to be shameless!**

 **Now then I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter out but I have some plans for it so stay tuned.**

 **Now reviews!**

 **LiveForeverOrDieTrying: Fortunately it did not need as many iterations this time and thanks for the offer.**

 **Duskrider: There will be more interactions between the two but I hope this is good for now.**

 **Daygon Yuki: Yeah, I kinda mistreated Kakashi quite a bit, that's mainly because he has no idea what's going on yet. He'll get over it.**

 **Guest: Glad you think so!**

 **Brandon ShadowWalker: He will have lot's of fun. I can promise that.**

 **PureInsanity39: I'd like to agree with you but that might be a tad narcissistic.**

 **Toolazytologin: I'm gonna try and keep it realistic yet also find ways to make it simultaneously hilarious and keep it from falling into total crack. Glad it's working so far.**

 **Rinnigan: I already PMed you to check the bottom of the chapter, also I forgot to point out that he **_**does**_ **have shoes, they just aren't sandals which was weird for Naruto. Both the character and the show. Literally everyone wears sandals.**

 **Someone: Glad you like those two aspects, I have fun with them.**

 **Jfoodsama: I am touched that you think so.**

 **Spidja : Wait no longer for here it is!**

 **I'm not gonna do a preview for the next chapter but I will say Haku and Naruto. That is all.**

 **See ya, folks!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	4. Welcome to Wave Country

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Sasuke: tries to make people accept Jashin-sama**

 **Naruto: tries to understand gender**

 **Sakura: tries to deal with her suddenly far more vocal personalities**

 **Kakashi: is just so done trying**

 **As I write more of this I'm considering writing a side story that goes over all the misadventures got into over the course of Sasuke's and Naruto's friendship. It might be fun.**

 **Also while we're not there yet I have a hilarious idea for Tobi.**

 **Anyway, go, story!**

* * *

 _General POV, Wave country..._

"Why are we carrying them?" Sasuke questioned as he and Naruto dragged the unconscious forms Sakura and Kakashi respectively, along behind them.

"We couldn't just leave them there!" Naruto pointed out to him.

After the whole mess with Zabuza they had agreed to continue on to Tazuna's house unfortunately Kakashi and Sakura were still knocked out so…

"Hey old guy, why aren't you helping us?" Naruto asked Tazuna who was quietly walking alongside them.

"Hey I'm just trying to get home." Tazuna put up his hands defensively.

"Yes and we are trying to get you home, despite the fact that you lied about the mission difficulty. And because we were doing that and are continuing to do that, we now have to lug these two useless flesh bags around." Sasuke glared at the bridge builder borrowing a few phrases from Inner at the end of his sentence to greater display his displeasure..

"In short, this is all your fault." Naruto agreed with him, pausing to readjust the pair of legs he was dragging.. "Also my jumpsuit got ruined. Again. Seriously these things don't grow on trees you know!" Naruto complained briefly tugging at the tear in his orange outfit and the bloodstains that highlighted it..

"Maybe you should start wearing red." Sasuke suggested. "That way the blood won't show up as much. Also the whole kill-me-orange thing is going to get you into a lot more trouble that will cause more blood to spill out."

"Hey don't you diss the orange!" Naruto yelled at him more than a little defensively. This was not the first conversation they had exchanged concerning Naruto's prefered choice of clothing.

"I'm not- oh forget it. I would say it's your funeral but you've long since proven that death doesn't work on you." Sasuke rolled his eyes dramatically.

After some traveling they finally made it to Tazuna's house, which was actually a nice house.

"Huh, well this is way better than I expected." Sasuke admitted upon seeing it.

"What _did_ you expect?" Tazuna asked sounding somewhat offended.

"Honestly? A box on the side of the road." Sasuke told him without a hint of guilt at his assumptions.

"Hey! Boxes can be really nice!" Naruto said defensively.

"You lived in one for the month after you got kicked out of the orphanage and before you got your apartment. It didn't have enough time to get trashy" Sasuke deadpanned at him.

"Shows what you know! I am a master of proper upkeep!" Naruto declared, dropping Kakashi's legs and posing heroically, complete with sparkles, and they said that the weeklong course at Alexander Louis Armstrong's School of Posing was a waste of time and money!

Sasuke and Tazuna just stared at him. Tazuna with confusion (where did the sparkles come from?) and Sasuke with a mix of incredulousness and annoyance. "I've been to your apartment, if that is proper upkeep, then you're the son of the Yondaime." The Jashinist challenged.

"Hmph." Naruto pouted but did not try to defend himself. It wasn't his fault cleaning got so annoying and tedious. Nor was it his fault that his kitchen garbage can had seemed to develop some form of sentience in the past two years since he last emptied it.

Maybe he could put a D-rank mission on it?

"Tsunami!" Tazuna called banging on the door of the house and bringing Naruto out of his thoughts on garbage removal. "I'm back!"

As it turned out Tazuna had a daughter who was surprisingly a pleasant looking young woman. As well as a depressed grandson who was out doing whatever it is that children do in a completely oppressed and submissive society.

They set up Kakashi and Sakura in a side room. Hopefully Sakura would be waking up sooner rather than later as she had just been knocked out. Kakashi however had been hit in the neck with a bunch of senbon so it seemed likely he would be more out of it.

Eventually they found themselves seated around the table eating a lovely meal that Tsunami had cooked up.

"So…" Tsunami trailed off, "Why don't you boys tell us about yourselves?" She missed Tazuna making "stop" motions with his hands.

"I am Uchiha Sasuke and a devout follower of Jashin-sama. I don't like much. I loathe a certain Man and plan to sacrifice him to Jashin-sama." Sasuke told her before taking another bite of his meal.

"He means his brother." Naruto helpfully clarified at Tsunami's startled look.

"That's…" Tsunami started sounding unsure on how to respond to such a display of "sibling rivalry."

"He forfeited any relation to me the day he slaughtered our clan." Sasuke glared angrily at seemingly nothing, likely picturing "That Man's" face. Also, very likely vividly imagining shoving many sharp object through it. What a lovely sibling bond those two have.

"Okay then, how about you?" She directed at Naruto who was more than happy to tell her about himself. But just as he opened his mouth a shouting from the other room got their attention.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I, CHA?!" A rather loud voice screeched from the room they had placed their teammate and sensei in.

"Oh boy, Inner's awake." Sasuke groaned whacking his forehead on the table.

"What did you expect? Lucy?" Naruto asked with a sigh, he really did think Sakura was pretty but the only personality of hers that acted nice to him was Lucy and she was almost as shy as that weird girl at the back of class who got red and fainted whenever he got near her. He still wondered what that was about. Naruto might have thought the Hyuuga girl had a crush on him but there was no way anyone could have a crush on _him_ of all people _._

"Huh?" Tsunami just looked confused.

"She's complicated." Sasuke revealed, sounding and appearing rather annoyed.

"She has multiple personality disorder." Naruto translated then paused, "We think. She hasn't actually told us but it sure seems like it."

"How interesting…" Tsunami trailed off once again, beginning to question just what her father had gotten them into.

"Well someone has to go and deal with her." Naruto pointed out, "One-two-three not it!" He quickly counted off before Sasuke could say anything.

"One tw- dammit dobe." Sasuke cursed and stood up out of his seat to go and try and explain things to Inner and hopefully get her to calm down and into one of her less homicidal personalities.

"Sasuke-kun!" Inner cheered as soon as Sasuke stepped through the doorway. The Uchiha barely contained a groan. He'd take regular Sakura anyday rather than deal with this one. At least the normal one would not act so _creepy_. Oh course either way she was still a fangirl.

As for Missy, well…

He did not feel like being bossed around by that girl. A part of his mind briefly wondered exactly _why_ he listened to her but he did not dwell on it.

"Yes, hello. Turn back to Sakura or even better Lucy." Sasuke suggested evenly.

"But why would I do that when I could be here with you?" Inner pushed herself up wincing slightly and attempted to latch onto Sasuke.

"Because I got you a new book." Sasuke lied easily.

The result was instantaneous (thankfully).

"Really?!" Lucy gushed looking around frantically. "Where?! What's it about?! Who wrote it?! How many pages? Chapters? Protagonists? What about..."

Perhaps Sasuke should have come up with a different method to get her to switch. Or brought an actual book with him, yeah, that probably would have been a good idea in this situation.

Wait just a second. He had the perfect book!

"...and what about the plot? WAIT, NO! I don't want to know about the plot. In fact forget about telling me all the other stuff too! It takes away from the experience!" Lucy ranted now sounding frantic and panicky.

"It's in my bag." Sasuke pointed to where his bag sat in the corner, along with Kakashi and Sakura's. Naruto had insisted on bringing the extra bags with them for some reason. Something about doing good deeds. Honestly for an actual demon Naruto made people like that Zabuza fellow look like saints.

Actually, maybe Zabuza could be considered a saint by the laws of Jashin-sama. He should investigate that when he has time. Come to think of it there were a lot of Shinobi who could be considered saints under Jashin-sama's word. Perhaps there were others out there who would be willing to convert to Jashinism?

By the time Sasuke came out of his thoughts, Lucy was inspecting the copy of the Holy Book of Jashin he brought with him. Well one of the copies. He always had one on his person but he decided to bring a spare just in case something happened to his pocket sized version.

"Err.. I'm not sure this is the kind of thing I would like." Lucy admitted having now realized exactly what book she was holding.

"Nonsense, you'll love it. I know I sure did." Sasuke told her truthfully.

"Really? Did it change your perspective of the world around you?" Lucy inquired light briefly reflecting off of her glasses.

"Changed my life." Sasuke said honestly. Like the orb. That had been both freaky and life changing. Then Naruto had eaten it and everything was back to normal.

He sincerely needed more friends.

Lucy looked doubtfully back at the book. "Umm what's up with the bindings? It feels kind of weird…"

"Oh that's just human flesh. You know the stuff you're covered in. Only old and dried out." Sasuke said nonchalantly not seeing the problem.

Lucy proceeded to faint. Fortunately she landed on one of the mats on the ground so she didn't crash her head into the hardwood floor.

Naruto picked now to check in after he was certain no one (especially himself) was going to be getting punched through walls. "Dammit Sasuke! What did you do."

"I'm not quite sure." The Uchiha admitted. "All I did was tell her the Holy Book of Jashin-sama was wrapped in human flesh."

Naruto just stared at him. "...dammit you bastard…" He finally muttered shaking his head.

* * *

 _Some time later, Kakashi POV…_

Kakashi groaned as he returned to consciousness and blinked his blurry eye at the unfamiliar ceiling. He actually felt horrible and not in the normal way he felt horrible, this was physical. Where was he anyway? This wasn't his apartment, or the hospital, or a random campsite.

Nonetheless he was glad to be awake. He had just been having a horrible dream that he had taken a genin team consisting of his sensei's son who thought he was a demon, Itachi's little brother who was a cultist and some pink haired civilian with worse mental problems than he had! Thank kami and the log that it was over.

"Oh sensei! You're awake!" A young feminine voice called.

Oh sweet kami no. It wasn't a dream was it? Why couldn't it have been a dream!?

Kakashi squinted his good eye in an effort to make sense of the blurry shapes around him. Sakura- at least he thought it was Sakura right now, was kneeling over him with a damp washcloth.

"I'll go tell Naruto and Sasuke-kun." Sakura told him and gently set the washcloth on his forehead before getting up and walking out of the room. He listened to her feet pad down the wooden hall.

Kakashi sighed and tried to make himself sit up. He managed to start sitting up before he was hit with a wave of nausea and pain. He allowed himself to fall flat again and attempted to remember how he had arrived at this situation.

Vaguely he recalled fighting Zabuza, Demon of the Hidden Mists. Naruto had done something to him involving a paralysis seal or something. Then he had been knocked out by senbon needles via a hunter nin from Kiri but why would he try taking the body-

Oh…

Yeah...

Right.

Dammit.

Now he remembered. He had called out the "hunter nin" and was then knocked out from something behind him. Presumably either a second accomplice of Zabuza or perhaps some form of clone. Either way the senbon had been used to knock him out in a similar manner to Zabuza and now he was here, likely at Tazuna's house now that he thought about it.

So what to do now? He wasn't exactly in any shape to take the team back to Konoha. Speaking of which what exactly was wrong with him anyway? He wasn't sure whether the senbon needles had been poisoned or whether they had been used to hit pressure points. If only they had a medic nin with them!

Although there was always Missy…

But did he really want to deal with his female student's most controlling personality? And then again how much about medicine did she actually know? He had never gotten the opportunity to try and test her so he had no idea if she knew any medical jutsu.

Questions, questions…

"Hey sensei how you feeling?" Naruto's voice brought him out of his inner thoughts.

"I've been better." Also worse in the past. Like that time he lost his eye. That had been very traumatic as well as both physically and mentally scarring. This was made worse by the fact Obito had died less than six hours later and granted him his sharingan.

Of course while that had been very traumatic he had at least been able to, well, _move._

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were gathered around looking down at him. In background he also noticed Tazuna and a lovely young woman. He wondered what she was doing there. He would have guessed she was Tazuna's daughter or something but he found it quite hard to believe that a man like Tazuna could produce a lovely lady such as that.

...and now he was thinking about how nice a client looked. He really was out of it. Mission first, naughty thoughts later. That's what Icha Icha was for of course.

"Did either of you happen to stop that hunter-nin? Or perhaps get some information from them?" Kakashi questioned his team.

"Not really." Naruto admitted sheepishly while Sasuke whistled innocently.

"You know I'm not surprised. Can you at least tell me what happened after I was knocked out?" Kakashi sighed with disappointment.

Sasuke took up the slack here and explained the series of events, occasionally pausing to curse Naruto for interrupting by trying to provide a more accurate representation of what exactly happened. Kakashi had to agree with Naruto in a few places as he personally found it highly unlikely that Jashin had laid a curse upon the fake hunter-nin for disrespecting the power of human sacrifice.

"So you didn't see anyone else?" Kakashi asked when Sasuke was finished with the explanation.

"No. Aside from the sacrifice-to be and the hunter-nin that stole him we didn't see anyone else in the area." Sasuke concluded tartly clearly feeling rather pissed about the fact Zabuza got away before he could sacrifice him. Kakashi still was not sure whether he should try and keep Sasuke from making sacrifices or not.

Then again the Hokage hadn't given him any orders regarding the subject so it was probably fine.

"Well then this is just wonderful." Kakashi noted with a large portion of sarcasm mixed in. "Zabuza is gone and likely enough still alive because that hunter-nin certainly did not behave like a real one, and there's a possible third member of the group who knocked me out."

Kakashi let that sink in. Sakura's face was quickly filled with concern and more than a little fear. Tazuna's face had a lot of fear and his 'unnamed as of now daughter' had a similar expression to Sakura. Naruto looked eager more than anything else, probably still wanted to take on the "fake demon" as it were. Sasuke however looked rather thoughtful. Perhaps he was thinking logically about the situation?!

"...does that mean I can still sacrifice him to Jashin-sama?" Sasuke finally asked.

You know what? That was it. No more positive thoughts or hopes or dreams while he had to deal with these little monsters. From this point on he would look at every situation with as much doubt and negativity as he could manage. Which honestly probably wouldn't be that hard considering the only things that made him feel any semblance of joy were Icha Icha and remembering the few good times he had lived through.

(And while Kakashi would never admit it he did rather enjoy his competitions with a certain Might Gai)

"Well?" Sasuke prompted as Kakashi had failed to answer his completely reasonable and normal question.

"It is a bit abnormal but our mission is to protect the bridge builder so I supposed sacrificing those who bear him ill-will is as good a way as any to deal with the problem." Kakashi deduced. "Nonetheless, Zabuza will undoubtedly be more prepared the next time we encounter him so I'll probably have to give you guys some training." He made sure to sigh very dramatically at this final statement.

"Wait you're actually going to train us?" Naruto asked hopefully and Sasuke had a similarly eager look in his eye. Sakura said nothing and actually didn't seem to be paying attention at all. She had this strange faraway look in her eye. How strange.

"Of course I am." Kakashi agreed eye-smiling at them. "What kind of sensei would I be if I didn't teach my adorable little students anything?"

The boys admittedly looked a little put off at being called "adorable" but before they could voice their discontent at his labeling skills, Sakura perked up again.

Except it wasn't really Sakura…

Sort of.

"I forbid it!" A commanding voice started talking, "What you need is-OH KAMI WHO'S TALKING!?" Her voice suddenly rose several octaves causing her teammates and the clients to stare at her strangely.

"Oh shut up will ya? Or I'll pound ya Shannaro!" her voice changed tones again and Kakashi was getting a rather worrisome idea of what exactly was happening. Not that he'd ever heard of something like this happening to multiple personality disorder patients before that is. To be fair he did not exactly go looking for information on those with the disorder. Perhaps he should considering one of his students had it.

"I-I'd rather not p-pound anyone, actually. Sorry." Sakura's voice got a lot quieter and started stuttering. Naruto and Sasuke shared a look before giving their teammate a good hard stare.

"Well no what cares what you think. Well why shouldn't we care? Would you all _kindly stop arguing."_ The first voice cut in. Before thing could progress any further than they already had, which was much too far in Kakashi's opinion, Sasuke whacked her over the head with the pommel of his sword. Everyone else in the room glared at him.

"What?" He sniffed. "I didn't want to listen to her devolve in a complete lunatic." he turned away and refused to look at anyone. Naruto looked mixed between concern and anger. Tazuna and his daughter just looked completely lost about the entire situation.

 _Well that's two students I need to get to psychiatrists._ Kakashi thought to himself. _At least Naruto seems to be stable. Apart from the whole thinking he's a demon thing anyway. But that doesn't affect his work ethic much._ He paused to entertain the idea though. _Then again maybe I should take him to one too._

He in no way felt that he was being hypocritical. It wasn't like a number of people had tried to convince him to take similar measures after his father's death. Then Obito's death. After that Rin's death. And then his sensei's and his sensei's wife's deaths. Albeit it was different people bringing the topic up to him by the time the last two kicked the bucket. At least Gai was convinced the only mental help he needed was a daily dosage of the Flames of YouthTM (which he was convinced was some form of steroid at this point).

"In that case I hope she wakes up soon, and in better control of her mental functions because I am going to teach you…" Kakashi paused for dramatic effect and Naruto and Sasuke leaned in close with matching eager looks on their faces. He was going to enjoy this far more than he should have.

"...how to climb trees"

* * *

 _Sakura's POV…_

In most people's case the mind was simply a part of themselves. Most people did not consider the oddness of their own existence until faced with their expiration. Fewer still actively attempt to unravel the mysteries of their own being. Of those few, fewer still actually come close to reaching any concrete conclusions. And of those it is doubtful that any of them can be proven as fact.

In many tales the mind can be viewed as a physical plain. A place where one can view memories and see a landscape representations of individuals personality. Perhaps this landscape is based on true places and based on one's own experiences. This place may be known as the mindscape perhaps.

While it is doubtful such a place truly exists, though don't quote the author on that for he is not a monk nor an expert in anyway of the mind, for the sake of our story we shall imagine such a place for the sake of young Haruno Sakura. Also her other personalities.

Let's see how they react to each other in this strange mental plain, shall we?

"This is the strangest experience of my life." Sakura muttered casting sidelong glances at her others selves.

Sakura, Inner Sakura, Lucy and Missy found themselves sitting around a table in what appeared to the be the Haruno family dining room. It was accurate down to last scratch in the paint save for one detail, the exits to the room.

Rather than there being two openings, one to the kitchen and one to the hallway. There were four doors, one on each wall. Each one had a different name over it.

Sakura.

Inner.

Lucy.

Missy.

Not necessarily in that order but that was not the point.

"So... " the pink haired girl in the labcoat who Sakura assumed was Missy started. "How did this happen?"

"Heck if I know, cha." The version with the words Inner Sakura tattooed on her forehead muttered darkly.

"If you don't have anything useful to say don't say anything at all." Missy glared back at her.

"And who's gonna stop me? You, Miss pharmacist?" Inner shot back standing up and leaning over that table to leer at her.

"It's a lab coat! I am a doctor!" Missy said angrily her eyes flashing dangerously. Sakura just sat there staring at the pair. Technically they were also herself but she honestly could not imagine herself acting like this. Although technically this place could be described as her imagination as she was imagining her dining room in this way. Or at least that's what she thought might be happening, it's not like she was an expert on this kind of thing or anything.

"P-please don't fight." A quiet voice cut in with a pleading tone. Sakura glanced at the version of herself who was more than likely responsible for the majority of her good grades.

"Why should I listen to you, cha?" Inner glared at Lucy who 'eeped' and looked down nervously.

"Maybe because she's actually being the voice of reason in this situation." Sakura muttered to herself (ha, punny).

Missy sighed and nodded in agreement with her suggestion, before sitting back down. Inner looked like she wanted to argue but finally relented and joined the others in sitting around the table.

"So, now what?" Sakura asked.

"Well we can't all try and be in charge at the same time. It didn't exactly work out well." Missy said thoughtfully.

"I think I should be in charge." Inner announced sitting up straighter and looking around, daring anyone to argue.

"No." Missy and Sakura said almost simultaneously. Lucy looked like she agreed with them but didn't say anything one way or the other.

"Why not?" Inner asked. "It's a dangerous world out there. And I'm the only one of us with the backbone to face it head on."

"Yes." Missy nodded in agreement. "And in doing so you'll keep making us enemies until we inevitably piss someone off who we can't survive against."

Inner muttered something under her breath that Sakura couldn't make out. Nor was she sure she wanted to know what was muttered. How could the other versions of herself be so rude and improper? Didn't they have anyone to teach them manners? Oh, right. Nevermind.

"We c-could said up a time table?" Lucy suggested meekly and then flinched when everyone looked at her. "Sorry." She apologized.

"No, don't apologize, that was actually a pretty good idea." Missy told her looking thoughtful. "We can work out a plan on when we each get to be in charge of the body. We can switch out if there's an emergency though."

"So do we do it every few hours…" Sakura started allowing herself to trail off as she didn't want to come off as too brash. Then again given the way Missy and Inner acted it probably wouldn't matter too much.

"That might be too short a time." Missy noted, a look of concentration on her face as she likely tried to visualize potential schedules. "Maybe we should do it daily?"

"Seven days in a week, that means one of us gets the short stick." Inner pointed out and glared at the others, obviously not liking the idea of herself being the one to get cut short.

"How about we look at the bigger picture?" Missy suggested. "Like how many days each of us get out of a month rather than out of a week. That way one day won't make too much of a difference and the same person won't miss a day two months in a row."

"That's a good idea." Sakura agreed with herself after thinking about it for a minute.

"I thought so. We'll work out the details." Missy said before looking at Lucy. "Lucy, honey I need you to wake up."

"Why does she get to have the body?" Inner shouted angrily raising a fist in threatening manner.

"Because she's less likely to cause problems with our teammates or sensei that's why." Missy snapped at the other girl. It was quite obvious neither of them liked each other. Hopefully that wouldn't cause too many problems in the future.

When Sakura glanced at Lucy to see he reaction and try and gauge her thoughts on the matter she was already gone.

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, the next day…_

"Hello sir, have you heard the good news? Jashin-sama is-"

*SLAM*

That reaction was becoming more and more common, Sasuke noted to himself. He had only managed to give out half a dozen pamphlets and he had been at this for hours!

After that horrible experience with learning to use chakra to climb trees without their hands, Kakashi had left him and Naruto to practice. It didn't go too well. The dobe had managed to blow up a tree because he used his demonic chakra to try climbing and he had only managed to get a few feet. Lucy had gotten it immediately after Kakashi had explained it to her when she woke up, which Sasuke refused to feel guilty about.

He was not dealing with another psychopath killing everyone off before he could sacrifice them to a good and noble cause, thank you very much.

Sasuke had given himself the day off as Kakashi was still bedridden and he had made little progress in the tree climbing exercise. He needed some time to think about how to go about succeeding. As well as thinking about what their "sensei" had told himself and his demonic friend.

" _You two may think you're untouchable and unstoppable. But you won't be able to catch all your enemies off guard. I won't lie, you two do have a lot of potential but you need to focus it. Naruto your seals won't always win the day and Sasuke as much as you might like to think so, you can't just pray or sacrifice all your problems away."_

As much as Sasuke hated to admit it, the potential sharingan thief was right. Naruto had agreed almost immediately. After the first day of falling off and blowing up trees, the two had decided to take a break from practice and try again tomorrow. For today Naruto was off in the woods practicing his few other skills which were in desperate need of practice, while Sasuke was trying to bring some light to this pathetic and desperate village. Specifically the blood red light of Jashin-sama.

Some villagers had been more open to it than others and happily accepted the pamphlet. Usually it was the ones on the streets without a home left because they couldn't afford it who took the pamphlet and read it eagerly. More than likely it was these people who truly needed it. Besides, they could just sacrifice the people with houses and take their houses! That way everybody wins.

Never did it occur to him that teaching the local townsfolk about the god of death and suffering might constitute as a bad thing.

It did occur to him however that he was being followed.

So after he had the door slammed into his face yet again he turned the corner and waited for whoever was tailing him to come around the bend so he could confront them and, if necessary, sacrifice them.

When the kid with the funny hat came around the corner, who he vaguely recalled as Tazuna's grandson, he shot out of the shadowed overhang he was standing under and slammed the brat against the wall.

"Wanna explain why you're following me around?" He questioned menacingly. That time he and Naruto got into T&I because of reasons was quite useful in the long run.

"Why?" Inari, he remembered the whiny brats name, "Why are you even trying?"

"Trying to do what?" Sasuke asked confused.

"Help people." Inari waved his arms despite the fact he pressed against the wall. "It's all pointless! Gato will just kill anyone who fights back."

"Who said anything about fighting?" Sasuke said raising an eyebrow. "I'm just trying to help Jashin-sama gain a larger following."

"Who?" Inari asked blankly.

Sasuke said nothing for a moment as he considered. He had been where this kid was once. Depressed and mopey. Seeing no point in life and just stumbling along from one day to the next. That man may have told Sasuke to hate him but it had been so hard even after everything he did. Mentally he still sometimes saw Itachi and That Man as two different people. Loving brother and psychopath.

Then he had discovered Jashin-sama and had found hope.

He saw himself in this kid and he would mold this child into a devout follower of god.

He chuckled aloud. Then the chuckling got louder until it was laugh. Then it became a cackle. A look of terror spread across Inari's face as he stared helplessly at the older boy.

"My young, depressed friend." Sasuke said after calming down. "Let me tell you all about the wonderful existence of Jashin-sama."

Inari just whimpered.

* * *

 _Naruto POV, later that night…_

Naruto groaned and blinked in the darkening light. He must have passed out after training so hard. He had made a bunch of shadow clones and had been one manning the entire group. Like a max level frost DK through a low level raid.

(In an alternate universe a WoW character sneezed) **[1]**

He vaguely recalled killing himself. That was strange he was sure that he had won the fight. Then he realized he remembered killing himself multiple times. How come all the memories seemed to overlap each other?

Wait a second, does that mean that he got memories from his shadow clones? He wondered a sense of elation coming over him. Oh he was going to misuse the fuck out o-

"Hello there."

"GAH!" He gasped and waved his arms around turning and wondering where he was about to be attacked from taking a few deep breaths. After a moment he managed to identify to source of the voice which turned out to be…

A long haired individual who looked like a girl. In fact a very pretty girl. She had long dark hair and lovely eyes and was wearing a rather nice kimono. But he had been learning how to identify people by smell. But this 'girl' didn't smell like a girl. But she/he also didn't smell like a boy either.

"Uh, hi." He managed after staring for a moment.

"Sorry for startling you." The maybe-girl told him. "But you were laying in the middle of the woods all alone and I came across you while looking for herbs. I was wondering if I should wake you up or not when you started to stir."

"Oh, okay." Naruto said slowly allowing himself to calm down but keeping his guard up. He remembered what Hokage-jiji said about strange people he met in the woulds and someone whose gender he couldn't identify certainly qualified as strange. Then again it might not be the kind of strange he had meant.

"Are you a ninja?" The person asked him. "That's what your headband means right?"

"Yeah I'm a ninja." Naruto agreed and sat up taking a proper look around the clearing he was in. Judging by the sun's position in the sky it was getting pretty late.

"I'm Haku by the way." The person of undetermined gender mentioned as they went back to looking through the plants for whatever herbs it was they needed.

"Naruto." He introduced himself and stood up and looked over Haku's shoulder at what they were doing. "What kind of herbs are you looking for?"

"Medical, someone… precious to me is ill and with how expensive medical supplies around here is I decided herbal remedies might be more effective." Haku explained as they sorted through the bushes. "Do you have anyone precious to you ninja-san?"

Naruto thought about it. Did he have have anyone precious to him? Most people hated him for what he had done when he was in his fox form. But he couldn't even remember that anymore. But he did have some people. There was Sasuke even if he was a jerk. There was also Hokage-jiji and Iruka-sensei. And maybe Sakura and Kakashi-sensei, he wasn't quite sure about those two yet.

"Yes I do." He finally decided.

"I believe that the only way to truly become strong is to fight for those precious to you." Haku mentioned as he/she picked a few leaves off a plant and placed them in their basket. "Is that why you fight?"

"No." Naruto said decisively. "Don't get me wrong, I would fight to protect them with my life if I had to but they're the reason I fight."

"Then why do you fight?" Haku asked sounding curious. "What is it that drives you to become strong?"

"To make up for my past!" Naruto said idly wondering when this had become a philosophical discussion. "This is my second chance at life and I did things I regret during my first run. This time I have to make up for it all!"

"Oh." Haku said sounding confused but somewhat understanding. "So because of your past misdeeds you fight to redeem yourself."

"That's right." Naruto agreed.

"Then what will you do when you do finally redeem yourself?" Haku asked him.

Naruto's brow furrowed in thought. "Huh." He muttered. "I never thought about it before. I guess I'll find out when I get there."

"Then I wish you luck ninja-san." Haku told him, she/he stood up and prepared to depart.

"I told you my name is Naruto." He repeated himself. Realizing this was his last chance to ask, he blurted out. "Are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"...What?" Haku asked sounding confused.

"Well you look like a girl but you don't smell like a girl, but you don't smell quite like a boy either." He explained.

"Did you just not assume my gender?" Haku questioned sounding amused.

"I guess." Naruto admitted.

"I'll let you make your own guesses on the matter. You might find that sometimes first assumptions on someone are not what you thought." Haku told him with a smile before turning and leaving the clearing leaving a bemused Naruto behind.

Hours later he would be found by Sasuke.

"Sasuke you are a boy right?" He asked his friend.

"...The fuck Naruto?"

* * *

 **And that's a wrap!**

 **Woo, second longest chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoyed!**

 **References:**

 **[1] What? We all have our own hobbies.**

 **Reviews:**

 **Duskrider: Glad you think so!**

 **SilverPhantom88: Yes it was! Specifically it was referencing my Danny Phantom story Gone Ghost.**

 **Angela . esquivel** **. 58: I'm happy you enjoyed it**

 **PureInsanity39: I know that you know.**

 **Rinsegaku: Before your review I honestly hadn't thought about him meeting Minato or Kushina. I had planned the meeting with Kurama but now I need to figure out how to do the other two. Thanks for reminding me of that!**

 **Bluejay Blaze: Yeah he really does have his father's coloring. Honestly I sometimes wonder if he has a genjutsu over him to keep people from noticing it would make sense. **

**NatNicole: I'm pleased to hear that I appear to be so.**

 **MyNameIsLaura: I'm glad to hear you enjoy reading this so much!**

 **Guest: Ya know that is actually useful information. I went looking and found out that it can be used as a very rude way of saying you but more often it is used to mean bastard. Until I get further proof one way or the other I will just avoid using it. **

**Also you didn't have to log out or be rude about it. I** _ **want**_ **constructive criticism.**

 **ARSLOTHES: That's actually an amusing idea but wouldn't that mean she'd be trying to kill him? I'll consider it though.**

 **MadaraUchiha-Chan: Glad you like their personalities so much. I honestly can't wait to have the Itachi, Sasuke meeting.**

 **Storyteller: To quote a certain fandub of an anime: "Never before have I needed something so much and never known until I received it." I find myself feeling the same way at times.**

 **Look forward to the next chapter and bridge battle. As well as a long awaited meeting.**

 **Preview:**

* * *

"I am the _real_ Kyuubi no Youko you idiotic little human." Red eyes glared at him from the darkness behind the bars.

"No you're not" Naruto said calmly.

"...what?"

* * *

 **So look forward to that folks.**

 **See ya'll next time!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	5. Would the Real Kyuubi Raise Their Hand?

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto: Explains why he is the Kyuubi**

 **Sasuke: Explains religion**

 **Kakashi: Explains the future**

 **Sakura: Is still getting used to the time table thing**

 **Enjoy folks!**

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, Wave Country…_

As the point in time that Kakashi predicted Zabuza, and by extension himself, would be back at fighting strength approached he took the time to take account of the resources both sides had available.

Zabuza had his fake hunter nin and potentially a second ally. Kakashi still was not certain as to whether or not it had been a clone used against him in their first encounter but he had best plan for the worst case scenario.

Worst case scenario being that Zabuza had multiple allies as well as anyone Gato could pay off on a short notice. Also when they started fighting Iwa would show up and start attacking and then Orochimaru showed up and then aliens abduct all of them and then…

Okay maybe that was a tad bit too much of a _worst case,_ worst case scenario but the general idea was still there that it could be pretty bad.

Nonetheless Kakashi was slowly recovering from whatever poison or paralyzing agents had been on the senbon that hit him. He was still not near one hundred percent but at least he could move around well enough. That did leave concerns for how capable he would be when they faced Zabuza again, which they more than likely would eventually. And he was only able to move about for a few days at a time before Missy took back over Sakura and forced him to get more bedrest.

The girl's new time table was weird. Seriously, who talks to one's alternate personalities in their head and then tries to work out a schedule so that everyone gets to use the body? They could have at least left the violent one out of it. True that personality was the most useful in a fight but she was also the most lacking in the social interactions department.

Kakashi doubted he had much say in the matter of what personality came out when. The last time she had been out, Inner had asked Sasuke for his opinion. He had responded with which ones were the most likely to worship Jashin-sama. Inner's response however had been…

Concerning.

"I'll worship _you_ with my body and soul." She had said dreamily with hearts in her eyes. How the heck did she do that? It was literally a scientific impossibility.

Sasuke had stared at her for a moment, his face was a blank and emotionless mask as he considered her statement. After a long, drawn out moment he had turned to the poor Inari who had been tugging at the leash Sasuke had attached to him so he could not escape during the "education" process.

"Disciple, this presents a wonderful teaching moment!" A slightly manic grin had begun to creep onto his features. "Allow me to show you how we of the devoted and holy deal with blaspheming _heathens_ such as this wretch."

"Please don't." Inari had whimpered in protest.

His protests would unfortunately be ignored.

Fortunately Naruto had intervened before Sasuke could actually manage to kill Inner, for some reason she had seemed almost eager to have Sasuke sacrifice her. Kakashi did not even want to think about the fact that this was the natural reaction of a twelve year old girl. Albeit one who was almost certainly insane.

When they got back to the village Kakashi was definitely going to get her psyche evaluated. All of her personalities psyches evaluated. Perhaps he could convince Inoichi to do it himself. Actually that probably wouldn't be all that hard, the man seemed to enjoy trying to solve the more difficult cases. There could be numerous benefits if they managed cure Sakura and have her personalities intermingle properly as one whole rather than separate entities, it would certainly be beneficial for a shinobi.

But before he could properly consider what to do once they got home, he had to figure out how he was going to get all of them home alive. Fighting Zabuza on the man's own terms were a far fly from a simple and easy route. Worst case or best case scenarios it was never a good idea to underestimate one of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist. Especially not on a bridge surrounded by water, as bridges commonly were.

Nonetheless that was the way things were going. Kakashi had tried to figure out what drove Tazuna to work so fervently on the bridge with such determination. The man appeared to be convinced that completing the bridge would free his country. He could respect that dream, the problem was Kakashi had trouble understanding just _how_ the bridge would make Wave free again.

He meant the man no slight, it must be taxing in many ways to build a bridge especially considering the mental and emotional stress all those working on the bridge had to be under considering Gato's goons were more than willing to threaten the workers' families in order to intimidate them. Kakashi was actually surprised nothing had happened to Tsunami and Inari while Tazuna was in Konoha. Speaking of which how the heck Tazuna managed to get to Konoha in the first place? Surely Gato hadn't just let him leave the country?! Who could be that stupid as to let a target slip away with barely any effort put into stopping them?

(In an alternate universe a shirtless man bleeding on the ground sneezed as he told his best friend to not kill the man largely responsible for the deaths of most of his friends.)

But that was a bit off topic. The problem was that there was no guarantee that the bridge would accomplish anything. Sure it could and likely would give the people new hope after being under the shipping magnet's thumb for so long, but hope could be crushed. They still had no way of properly fighting Gato's men assuming they would be heavily armed brutes. What was to stop them from taking over the bridge once it was finished? Then Gato had another shipping route over land now. That could be beneficial for moving goods into the country for transport over sea.

Kakashi had considered telling this to Tazuna but then how long would he and his cute insane little students have to worry about protecting the old drunk? It was true that they had agreed to defend him until the bridge was finished, and as much as he may want to Kakashi could not rely on the idea that Gato would just drop dead of a heart attack, as useful and beneficial for everyone as that may be.

Maybe he could arrange a death via natural causes, after all it is very natural to die after having a kunai shoved through one's heart. Very natural indeed!

For now though he was probably better of just teaching his students so they wouldn't be completely defenseless. Teaching them how to climb trees to improve their chakra control was one thing but it wouldn't save their lives in a fight. He was torn between leaving them to teach themselves and learn from their own mistakes like how he learned or actually teaching them like a good sensei.

Maybe he could just give them some pointers? He knew that Naruto was working on his taijutsu for once but from what he had seen the boy fought like a brawler, which was all well and good but not the most effective manner at fighting a trained killer like a shinobi. Which Naruto was supposed to be.

He also wanted to help Sakura and Sasuke but they were a tad more difficult. Sasuke was too busy trying to convert people into joining his cult while Sakura just really needed to work on building up her reserves. Also a bit of physical activity would do her quite a bit of good. Although Sasuke wasn't entirely focused on his cult, he was also trying to do the tree climbing exercise too.

Kakashi sighed and sat down cross-legged on his bed mat. All of this was awfully troubling and would without a doubt be a cause for panic in lesser teachers. Even he could feel himself starting to become a tad stressed. Perhaps some light reading would calm his nerves, he giggled slightly as he pulled out his favored reading material.

He did however have to sigh in familiar annoyance that he only had one eye to process the words.

At the risk of sounding very much like a Nara, how troublesome.

* * *

 _Sasuke POV…_

"So disciple what have you learned?" Sasuke quizzed his potential new cultist. Jashin-sama could not be sated simply by only the sacrifices that he was able to offer, the great one needed as many as possible to appease him.

"That you are insane!" Disciple cried as he shivered on the floor. He had never really bothered to learn the kid's name so until further notice he would be called Disciple. Maybe he could give him a new name once he came into Jashin-sama's light properly. For the the brat was still in denial and it was making the whole process difficult.

"Wrong answer." Sasuke deadpanned. Seriously what was the problem with this kid? It hadn't been very hard for him to accept Jashin-sama. Maybe he should kill Disciple's family first and that might give him the necessary push. Actually nevermind, it would be Disciple's duty to do that later on. Once he officially accepted Jashin-sama that is.

Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. Perhaps this would work better if he tried showing Disciple the results of what following Jashin-sama could offer his devoted followers such as himself. Or follower, as it were because he was the only person he had ever encountered the willingly accepted Jashin-sama with no already proper devoted follower to teach him and train him in the ways of God.

There was something for him to look into later on. Maybe once he had risen in ranks within Konoha. Find out if there are any other devout followers of Jashin-sama. Then they could get together for big fancy cult meetings, share some food and drinks, swap tales of worship, sacrifice a few innocent babies, ya know, the normal cult stuff.

But what if other cultists from other places were not as devoted and holy as himself? What would he do then?

If such a thing were the case then it was clear what Sasuke would have to do to ensure that Jashin-sama was worshipped and respected in all the ways that he so rightly deserved.

He would become leader of the cult. It would not be a position that he desired nor asked for but he would accept such a duty nonetheless to ensure that glory be given to Jashin-sama. Because if he was not willing to do it for the betterment of all, who would be?

Of course there was that tiny factor that he was still unable to sacrifice both his best friend and his only remaining family but he would worry about that when the proper time came. For now he would just keep training to beat Itachi to a pulp before he would sacrifice him, (far more than that bastard deserved), and he could easily continue to keep attempting to sacrifice his demonic best friend. Surely he could manage it eventually.

"Please let me go home." Disciple begged pitifully on the floor dragging Sasuke out of his thoughts. Oh right he was still there. What was he going to do with him again? Oh yeah it was time for him to witness a proper sacrificial ritual, that would hopefully set him up on the right track in life.

"You can go home later." Sasuke told him tugging on his leash. Naruto had complained about it being an impulse buy, for not being very good at advance mathematics the demon was very good at monetary monitoring, but Sasuke had insisted about purchasing it and now he had found a very good use for it. Maybe he should get more brats to convert and drag around on leashes. Actually nevermind, that would make him seem like a peadophile.

"Where are we going now." Disciple continued to whine. That was getting annoying, he would have to beat that attitude out of him sooner or later. Maybe he should bring him back to Konoha? He could get him to deal with Naruto's latest phase. Sasuke really wished that there was a guidebook for "How to Raise Your Amnesiac Demon", maybe he should write it, he was sure to make a fortune by doing so.

"I am going to show you both what Jashin-sama asks of his followers and what we are rewarded for doing his will." Sasuke explained to him as they walked through the dreadfully depressing neighbourhood. Seriously everyone would be so much happier if they were to just accept Jashin-sama as their lord and master.

For now he would settle for just having Disciple, he doubted he could manage the full conversion in the amount of time they would be staying here in Wave, however long that would be, but once he had fully converted his prodigee to Jashin-sama's wisdom he would send him back to spread the word of God! Then Jashin-sama's might would spread across the world! Ahahaha-

But he was getting ahead of himself, first things first. Sacrifice time.

He politely knocked on the door of the first house he came to. After all he was about to murder these people even if it was for a noble cause, he might as well be polite as possible in the moments leading up to it.

The woman who answered the door looked to be in her thirties, it was somewhat hard to tell considering she was malnourished and had quite a bit of dirt on her. Seriously this town was just the stereotypical definition of depression.

"Hello ma'am sorry to disturb you but this is a matter of gre-" Sasuke started to explain but he was cut of by disciple.

"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM HE'S GONNA- MMPH!" Disciple tried to warn the innocent woman of Sasuke's true intentions but he was cut off as Sasuke pulled the boy's own hat off and shoved it in his mouth to shut him up. That was very effective as it turned out.

"Excuse him but he's new. As I was saying this is a matter of great importance. Before we begin may I ask how many people dwell within your household, and of that number how many are currently present within the abode at this moment?" Sasuke inquired he needed to know how many Holy Seals he was going to need to carve into the ground, or the floorboards as it may be.

"It's me my husband and our two children. We're all here right now. Why is that speicial and what great importance is this?" The poor woman asked in confusion, oh her lack of understanding was just adorable and oh so innocent, he almost felt bad about murdering her and her entire family.

Almost.

"All will soon be revealed." Sasuke told her cryptically. For some reason people became quite defensive when told he planned to sacrifice them to a higher power, _the_ higher power that is. "May we come in for some tea?" He tried to smile disarmingly.

For some reason though he felt it may have come out a bit too sharklike.

* * *

 _One blood filled and disturbing multiple homicide scene later that the author would have included were it not for the fact this story is rated T for teen and not M for mature…_

Sasuke noted that Disciple was staring in mute horror at the bloodbath in front of them. A holy bloodbath done in the glorious name of Jashin-sama that is! Sacrifice humans to Jashin-sama always did give Sasuke a warm and fuzzy feeling inside that was just delightful. And the pain! Oh the pain! It felt soooo good.

A small part of Sasuke's mind seemed to be disturbed by this and the word Masochist came to mind but Sasuke forcefully and wholeheartedly ignored that. Stupid rational part of his thought processes.

He gave a small grunt as he awkwardly pulled his own sword out of his chest. The last sacrifice in front of him had already bled out and died but he had felt somewhat reluctant to pull the sword out when it felt so tantalizing inside his chest, stopping his heart from beating and flooding his lungs with his own blood. Speaking of which he would have to get that out of there, it made breathing difficult and while he couldn't die thanks to Jashin-sama's blessing it was still annoying to have lungs full of blood messing with his breathing habits.

"Y- you just k- killed th- them." Disciple sniffled on the ground. The younger boy had fallen to his knees and was staring blankly ahead, seemingly at nothing. Was this how normal people responded to death? How obnoxious could people get?

"Yes I did." Sasuke confirmed sounding almost uninterested turning over his hand as he inspected it. It had turned a shade of ebony that reminded him of a starless and moonless night. On the back however were white markings that appeared almost to follow his skeleton but made a circle in the middle of his hand rather than follow the bones. He hadn't had much a chance to take a good look at himself after the Mizuki incident.

Disciple turned to him and stared for a few moments a multitude of emotions flooding through his eyes. Sasuke identified a few of them off hand, horror, disgust, fear, the usual emotions that civilians felt upon witnessing death, but there was something else that took Sasuke a moment to identify, and when he did he felt like grinning again.

Interest.

"How did you do that?" The young boy finally asked. His hair stuck to his forehead due to both blood and sweat. He had forgone putting his hat back on after Sasuke had shoved it in his mouth to shut him up. Now said hat was red with the blood of the family Sasuke had just sacrificed to Jashin-sama. "You shoved a sword through your chest but you're not dead."

"This is the blessing that Jashin-sama offers his most holy and devout followers." Sasuke explained, feeling almost giddy at finally making progress with his student. "As long as I follow Jashin-sama's will and offer him souls as tribute I am gifted with everlasting life."

Disciple said nothing but looked back at the dead family. Sasuke wondered what he was thinking at this moment. Sasuke let him sit in silence for a few more minutes. The markings on his skin were beginning to fade and just when he was about to give it up as a lost cause Disciple reached down and picked his now blood red hat backup. The boy stood up and put the hat back on his head. He turned to Sasuke and said the words the Jashinist had been longing to hear since he first picked up the boy in the alleyway.

"Teach me."

Sasuke's grin at that moment could have rivaled Naruto's.

* * *

 _Sakura POV a few days later…_

Sakura blinked in surprise and tried to figure out where she was. Missy had been the last one in control and had decided not to tell any of her other personalities just what she she was planning on doing during her time in control of their mutual body. She soon shook off her wariness and sat up only to let out a brief squeal of surprise and fear as she realized that she was up about fifteen meters or so in a tree.

So she had no idea what she was doing in a tree in the middle of freaking nowhere in a country she was only barely familiar with. Seriously, Missy was supposed to be one of the more intelligent personalities, and there were only four of them! How was Sakura supposed to know what the doctor in training was thinking?

During her time in her own head Sakura had quite a lot of time of her own to think. Each personality had their own section of their shared mind space to themselves though Inner had made multiple attempts to take over the other's areas. Unfortunately for her and very much fortunate for everyone else she only had power over her own section of the mindscape. Thus all any of them had to do to get rid of her was to simply think her gone.

So in Sakura's portion of the mindscape which resembled her bedroom she thought about her drive. She wanted to be a ninja, but she also wanted to win Sasuke-kun's heart. Inner seemed to be doing a much better job of it than her though. Sasuke-kun would actually tell Inner that he had no interest, he just outright ignored her. It was really quite depressing to thinking about. But she couldn't just give up! Even if she was technically fighting against herself for Sasuke's affections…

Actually come to think of it did it really matter whether her or Inner won the battle for Sasuke-kun's love? Would he only love one personality or all of them? And what if Missy and Lucy didn't love Sasuke-kun, as unlikely as it seemed neither of them had ever showed any particular interest in Sasuke. Then again, maybe Lucy was just too shy and Missy was too focused on her career to care.

Which made Sakura think about her own ninja career. Which mattered more to her? Winning Sasuke-kun's affections or training as a Kunoichi? It was a difficult decision and one that Sakura wasn't quite sure she could answer honestly for herself quite yet.

She sighed and leaned her head back against the bark of the tree. She wasn't feeling particularly tired. So what should she do now? She had no idea what Sasuke had been up to the past few days. The last time she had seen him had been when he had dragged of that Inari boy for some "educational lessons" the last time she had been in control of her body.

Her body… it was hers right? She was the dominant personality right? That thought was a scary one. She had always been the one in control growing up with only brief appearances from her other selves but did that make her the original? What if it was Lucy and the poor girl just never had the drive to remain in charge of herself?

Sakura shook herself. She could worry about potentially life altering and philosophical thoughts and possibilities later. For now she it was probably in her best interests to get out of the tree. She made the ram hand seal, channeling her chakra to her feet and walked down the tree. She grinned to herself, she knew it was improper of a young lady but she couldn't help but think how cool the ability to walk on vertical objects was. Seriously, she would never have to use her hand to climb over a wall ever again! Now she could just walk up one side and walk down the other!

Not that it was normal or proper behavior to be climbing over walls…

*Ahem*

Sakura look around the forest. All she could see in any direction was trees, bushes, trees, a few rocks, and oh yeah trees. How could she missed the massive amount of trees surrounding her in all directions!?

She sighed and took a moment to look around. She picked a direction. Hopefully that would lead back to the village or at the very least to the shoreline so she could follow it until she found the bridge.

As Sakura started on her way she felt her stomach growl.

When was the last time she had eaten something? Diet or no she wasn't about to let herself starve!

* * *

 _Naruto's POV, The Bridge, Zabuza's return…_

Naruto raced towards the bridge after waking up at Tazuna's house to find his friends had already left. He was quite surprised to find that Inari was repeatedly stabbing one of a pair of goons Gato had sent to kill, capture, or both, himself and his mother to use against Tazuna. With Inari dealing with one of them Naruto quickly decommissioned the other one. He had asked Tsunami where his team was and she pointed him to bridge, still in relative shock of her son repeatedly stabbing someone saying "DIE DIE DIE!"

He was starting to be concerned that Sasuke was a bad influence on people.

Nonetheless he had to go and help his team! If Gato had sent his mercenaries after Tazuna's family that must be because he thought that Team Seven was sufficiently distracted and would be unable to help them! So Naruto was racing off to go and help in any way he could at the bridge.

He was quite right as it turned out. It was a bit hard to tell but the bridge was covered in mist and he could hear people fighting. It took him a moment and a bit of his demonic chakra to help his vision but he soon located Sasuke fighting the fake hunter nin in a sphere of ice mirrors, Kakashi fighting Zabuza, and Sakura standing protectively in front of Tazuna.

Naruto took a minute before deciding to go help Sasuke. He certainly seemed to need it the most considering that both Kakashi and Zabuza were _way_ above his current skill level and Sakura wasn't really fighting anyone and wouldn't need to as long as Zabuza and the fake hunter nin were dealt with properly.

Now came the most important part making an entrance…

"Dammit fight me like a man!" He heard Sasuke roar in the background as he pulled his thoughts together.

Maybe if he used some of his demonic chakra? Nah, this was way too early in the fight.

"Stop stabbing me with senbon! SO MANY SENBON!"

Maybe he could use an explosive tag to create an explosion which he would walk away from, looking like a boss?

"Oh Jashin-sama why have you forsaken your disciple?!"

Maybe he could create a bunch of Kage Bunshin and have them dispel to create a smoke screen for his entrance? No then he would need some epic music to go along with it.

"I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS!"

Actually maybe he should just run in and save Sasuke before he got himself killed for real if that were possible. He wasn't an immortal demon so he had no idea how far his immortality went. Yeah to help his friend sounded like the best idea in this situation.

Naruto ran ahead and chucked a kunai with an explosive tag attached at one the ice mirrors. It detonated and actually knocked the mirror out of alignment with the others causing the fake hunter nin the miss with the senbon barrage they had just launched at Sasuke.

"Dobe?" Sasuke looked up in surprise. He really didn't look too good. His arms were hanging limply by his sides and his sword was lying uselessly on the ground.

"Kyuubi no Youko in the flesh to save the day!" Naruto grinned feeling quite heroic.

Sasuke stared at him for a moment before a tic marked appeared on his head. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU KEEP ATTACKING FROM THE OUTSIDE? THAT GIVES YOU ROOM TO MANEUVER!." Naruto normally wouldn't have payed much attention to the rant but he saw his friend's eyes and they looked quite different.

"Sasuke, what's up with your eyes? They look all red and stuff." Naruto questioned him. He vaguely recalled something important relating to that but he couldn't quite remember what it was.

Sasuke looked interested in that and opened his mouth to say something but quickly shifted gears, jumping into Naruto to knock him over. "Look out!" He shouted as a bunch of senbon hurled over their heads.

"You get distracted too easily." The hunter nin told them in the same gender neutral voice as before. Actually that voice sounded familiar come to think of it. Where had he heard it before? He wasn't able to get a good lock on the faker's scent as the mist was dispersing it quite effectively.

"You talk too much." Sasuke deadpanned before looking to Naruto. "Dobe get these needles out of my arms, this guy knows pressure points and I can't move them."

"Right." Naruto nodded but yelped in pain as a bunch of needles punctured his back. Dammit that hurt like hell.

"Where are they getting all these needles from?" He hissed as he yanked a few needles out of his teammates arm, causing the other boy to wince.

"He's making them out of ice." Sasuke told him. "He's got some sort of chakra manipulation bloodline."

Naruto didn't want to admit it but that sounded pretty cool. Pun not intended. But that didn't really matter too much right now they needed to figure out how to beat him.

"To your left!" Sasuke suddenly warned and both of them rolled out of the way. "Dammit I finally get the Sharingan and I can't even use my arms!" He complained.

"I'm working on it!" Naruto hissed as he quickly yanked out some more of the icy senbon.

"Just give up now. If you stop fighting I will not need to eliminate you." The hunter nin told them.

"Like hell we're giving up!" Naruto shouted as he pulled out the last of the senbon in Sasuke right arm. The Uchiha boy tentatively flexed it and gave it a shake before reaching around and pulling some out of his left shoulder.

"It hurts, but nothing a I can't work with." Sasuke told Naruto when he shot him a concerned look.

Before they could begin working out a plan Naruto gasped in pain again as a sharp spike of agony went shooting up his right leg. It only last a moment however as it began to go numb from the below freezing senbon sticking in it. He wondered if they were cold enough to give him frostbite, he hoped not.

"Got any idea on how to beat them?" Naruto asked not using a gender term because he still wasn't sure whether the hunter nin was a boy or a girl. Meeting Haku had disillusioned him about gender.

"Depends on how many more explosive notes you got." Sasuke responded. "If we keep throwing them at the mirrors we're eventually going to hit him."

"You two know I can hear you right?" The fake hunter in commented. "I'm not sure how effective your plan is going to be considering _I know what it is."_

Naruto felt like kicking himself and from the look on Sasuke's face he felt similarly. Okay how to make a plan to beat the bad guy/gal without being able to talk about the plan. Then again they could just use the plan he had already come up with and see how well that went.

That was when Naruto felt more senbon in his back this time in a very specific spot that caused his eyes to light up with fear as he felt all feeling below his neck disappear.

His spine, the hunter nin had thrown enough senbon into his spine to severe the nerves.

Naruto's vision started going black as he fell forward. He saw a look in Sasuke's eyes he wasn't quite able to identify. Was that concern?

Then he faded into darkness.

*Drip*

*Drip*

*Drip*

Naruto gasped and struggled to sit up. All around him was water. When his head was properly above the water he sat taking deep breaths for a moment. How the heck had he gotten here? Had he fallen off the bridge? What happened to the fake hunter nin? What about Zabuza? Was Sasuke alright?

He had no answer to any of these questions so he just settled for pulling himself out of the water. No way was he just going to sit here doing nothing, might as well figure out where he was.

Now that he could take a good look around himself, Naruto realised he was in a sewer of ome sort. How the hell did he get in a sewer? Seriously how does one pass out and possibly die on a bridge and then wake up inside of a sewer?

With no other options Naruto started walking down the sewer. Apart from changes in the patterns of pipes, cracks and bricks in the walls there was no difference as he walked. Well no difference until he reached the end of the waterway that is. There was quite a big difference there.

Rows upon rows of massive bars. Huge bars that were bigger individually than he was totally. They actually appeared to be making up some great door come to think of it. In the middle of the door was a piece of paper. Not a big one or very impressive just a single piece of paper that had the kanji for seal written on it.

Naruto heard a great pounding noise as though some massive beast were walking in the dark. He gasped and took a step back when he saw rows massive teeth and a pair of glowing red eyes glaring down at him that made him feel small and tiny. **"So you finally arrive"** a deep terrifying voice uttered.

Naruto shook himself and got his raging emotions of primal fear and terror under control. He had to treat this situation logically. "Who are you?" He asked.

" **I am the** _ **real**_ **Kyuubi no Youko you little idiotic human."** Red eyes glared at him from the darkness behind the bars.

"No you're not" Naruto said.

" **...what?"** The voice managed sounding completely shocked and confused.

"I'm the Kyuubi no Youko therefore you cannot be." Naruto explained simply.

" **Are you actually that stupid?"** The thing in the cage managed after staring at him in shock for a moment. **"I mean I knew you were pretty damn stupid but you're still in denial after being confronted by me…"**

"Do you want me to explain?" Naruto asked. "Cause I think I figured out what's going on here." Naruto nodded sagely as he put two and two together and understood the situation clearly.

" **Okay then, please explain it to me human.** " The thing in the cage that was definitely not the Kyuubi, not really anyway, said mockingly.

"Stop calling me that would you?" Naruto complained. "Anyway you're not the Kyuubi no Youko, you're the sealed away memories and powers from when _I_ was the Kyuubi no Youko."

The physical representation of his sealed memories and powers stared at him blankly for a moment. **"Okay forget what I said about you being stupid, you're clearly mentally disabled."**

"Hey it makes sense!" Naruto shouted defensively. "After my memories and powers, you, were sealed away you were so powerful that you were able to take form!"

" **You actually believe this don't you?"** His past self commented still sounding unbelieving.

"Of course I do! After you were "sealed" how long before you regained consciousness?" Naruto asked.

" **A few years I guess…"** His past self said after thinking for a moment.

"That's how long it took for you to gain form! Think about it!" Naruto shouted.

" **I am thinking. I'm thinking you're a complete idiot."** His memories complained.

"Some respect would be nice, I am the real you." Naruto commented glaring at his past jerky self.

" **You know what? I'm not even going to argue with you. That's how stupid you are being right now."** The memories said after staring in shock for another few moments.

"You're just in denial" Naruto waved him off. "Now I gotta figure out how to save Sasuke, Sakura and the old drunk guy!"

" **And I have to revive your stupid ass again. Seriously do you know how much chakra I've wasted over the years reviving you every time you kick the bucket to keep the both of us alive?"** His memories and powers given form complained some. Damn he sure complained a lot even in his past life. Maybe Sasuke was right and he should go get some help for his behavioural problems. Then again Mr "Sacrifice small animals and other human beings" could use some himself.

"I'll work on that. I have to make up for all the horrible things I did when I was you." Naruto told his past self.

" **I did not do horrible things!"** His past self said very defensively.

"Just how many people did I kill in Konoha before I was sealed?" Naruto deadpanned.

" **Okay, just so we're clear it was** _ **me**_ **who killed them and… I kind of lost track."** He admitted looking sheepish. That was a weird expression to see on a giant fox.

"Exactly my point." Naruto shot at him. "Just channel some of my energy so I can get back up and not die."

" **Again, it's my energy and I'm not too keen on dying which is the only reason I'm doing this."** His past self told him flicking his tails in annoyance.

"You just keep denying don't you? I'll get through eventually." Naruto brushed him off.

" **I really want to kill you right now.** " The fox in the cage told him.

"Stop being suicidal." Naruto shot back before his vision faded away.

The next thing he knew he was on the bridge again and felt massive amounts of his demonic chakra flooding through him, melting the ice senbon and healing the damage. From the way things looked it appeared as though no time had passed at all. Sasuke's eyes went from concern to fear, unfortunate side effect of his demonic chakra was the killing intent it generated. He was sure Sasuke would be fine though, he was tough.

" **I don't need a plan!"** He told the fake hunter nin as he glared through a vision filtered in red at one of the reflections. **I'm just going to crush you!"** He roared slamming into one of the mirrors and causing it to shatter. Zabuza's apprentice quickly jumped to a different mirror before the blow landed. Unfortunately for them they were unable to create mirrors as fast as Naruto was able to break them and soon there was only one left.

"Can we talk about this?" The hunter in asked right before Naruto slammed into the last mirror shattering it.

" **The time for talking is over"** Naruto roared at them as he slammed them into the bridge breaking their mask and causing the fake hunter nin's limp body to roll down the bridge near where Sakura and the drunk guy were.

" **You tried to kill me, you tried to kill my friend! You're finished!"** Naruto pounced going in for kill.

"Naruto wait!" Sakura cried and ran forward to try and stop him. "You've won you don't need to do anything else!" She grabbed his demonic chakra enhanced arm.

He was about to cry out to let go before the chakra hurt her. He wasn't actually planning on killing the hunter nin, just injuring them enough to put them out of commision for awhile. At least long enough for Kakashi-sensei to defeat Zabuza. But to his shock the chakra didn't hurt Sakura, instead he began to panic as he felt the energy leaving him.

He desperately tried to cut off the flow as the red cloak transferred from his body to Sakura's but eventually it became clear it wasn't going to stop. So instead he quickly wrenched his arm out of her grasp. The red glow still surrounded her even as his own faded away. Her eyes rolled up and she fell to the ground.

Naruto quickly raced to her side in worry that he had let his powers hurt a teammate. He numbly noted Sasuke running towards them and that without the mask the fake Hunter nin appeared to be Haku, which actually explained a lot about the whole unidentifiable gender thing. But Naruto's main focus was on Sakura, specifically her forehead that she had once been mocked for in her youth.

A strange looking seal that radiated some sort of disgusting chakra that certainly wasn't his demonic chakra but still despicable all the same, had appeared on her forehead. It looked like an addition symbol and had four dots in each of the quadrants. But even as he watched the bottom line split into two and slowly separated creating a star-like shape. And in that spot a fifth dot appeared.

The demonic chakra glow faded away from Sakura and Naruto dimly noticed Sasuke slam the pommel of his sword on Haku's head knocking them out. His friend then came to his side they shared a look briefly before turning back to their female teammate. Sakura's eyes fluttered open.

And they were blood red with fox like pupils.

* * *

 **Ahahaha quite the cliffhanger eh?**

 **I bet a lot of you are fucking confused right about now. That's okay you're supposed to be. All will be revealed next chapter. I did say there was a reason for Sakura's multiple personality disorder. It's not natural in any way whatsoever.**

 **So side note, I debated giving Sasuke the mangekyou this chapter. I eventually decided not to because bullshit overpowered eyeballs are bullshit. He'll get it eventually just not now. He's already immortal.**

 **I also had fun with Naruto's talk with Kurama. Despite how he is depicted in other stories, he is not fatherly, motherly, a hot fox girl or anything similar. He is an entity made of pure chakra and has a hell of lot of anger issues. Keep this in mind.**

 **So anyway let's do reviews!**

 **Ann: The point is it wasn't obvious, it actually didn't look safe to land on at all because it was so small. But I already had Kakashi berate himself for falling for that and trust me there are a lot of other bullshit ways I've seen him get beaten during the bell test.**

 **Duskrider: Congrats on being right about what Naruto thought the kyuubi was. The figment of his imagination was also an amusing idea that I briefly considered using.**

 **Guest: Yes they was.**

 **Hanman: Yeah I'll use the whole gender joke a few more times in the future. Also I think Kurama is genderless, as are all the biju. Not really sure.**

 **Guest(2): Thank you so much for putting that image in my head.**

 **NatNicole: Glad you find them so amusing.**

 **Guest(3): You posted that review 2 days after the last update… I guess 48 hours is kind of a long time?**

 **Kountoall: That's an interesting idea I didn't actually consider. I'm planning on writing a story full of oneshots and ideas including AUs from my current stories so I might put something like that in there.**

 **Guest(4): Ah, but Kakashi doesn't openly admit he is jealous of people with two normal eyes, nor does he say anything about it at all. He doesn't actually think he is envious about them just that it's annoying he doesn't have both.**

 **Starscreamrose26: Now there will be more chapters!**

 **Sagar hussain: Not as soon as it could have been but here is the update!**

 **Well that concludes things for now folks! Tune in next week if you're a Danny Phantom fan for Gone Ghost!**

 **See ya'll later!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	6. Not A Cliche Origin Story

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Sakura's: origin story is revealed!**

 **Naruto's: tired of the non believers**

 **Sasuke: Begins to spread Jashinism**

 **Kakashi's: Wondering why he got the weirdos on his team**

 **Welcome to the chapter full of flashbacks kids.**

* * *

 _Sarutobi Hiruzen POV, Konoha…_

This… this had the potential to be the strangest mission report meeting the Sandaime had ever had the pleasure (or perhaps displeasure) of attending. In fact the only thing would that had the potential to be stranger was if he was dealing with both Gai and the possible time displaced older brother of Uzumaki Kushina.

(In an alternate universe a red haired boy sneezed)

Yes that would indeed be a weird mission report. So strange that it would probably have to be skimmed over briefly by the author and then told in summary format from Hiruzen's own point of view.

Nonetheless this report was still the strangest actual one he had ever had to deal with.

"Kakashi, could you perhaps explain to me why your team seems to have gained two additional members, also as to why your female genin now has whiskers and is currently nuzzling Naruto-kun?" Hiruzen asked after a moment of contemplation.

Yes there were indeed two additional members to Kakashi's team. Hiruzen was not actually sure whether the taller one was a boy or a girl. They had long fair and a face that had no seemingly decipherable gender and the way they held their head made it difficult to tell whether or not they had an "adam's apple". Though if Hiruzen had to guess it was either girly boy or boyish girl.

The other new member was much shorter than the other members, he actually appeared to be either Konohamaru's age or younger. The young lad was wearing shorts and a vest, although his most notable piece of apparel had to be his hat seeing it was the exact shade that Hiruzen recognized matched dried blood. The boy was standing dutifully slightly behind Uchiha Sasuke, that fact alone managed to double the Hokage's oncoming headache.

As for Kakashi's female genin, Sakura or Missy or something like that, she appeared to be… well molesting his surrogate grandson. Also she now bore some resemblance to Naruto seeing as she now had whiskers similar to his, although while he had six she appeared to only have four. Oh, and she appeared to be purring, strange as it was, while she nuzzled into Naruto's neck. The boy seemed to be somewhere in between disturbed and aroused. Which was actually quite understandable for a young boy around his age.

"Well Hokage-sama…" Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck in a sheepish gesture. "It's a bit complicated."

"We have time." Hiruzen pointed out patiently. Really he did, his only upcoming meeting was with Danzo and he really did not want to listen to him try not to complain about how difficult it was to purge people of their emotions. Seriously as if a training program could totally remove something as primal as emotions, true they could be trained on how to respond but removal as Danzo called it was highly improbable.

Of course there was always the option of a lobotomy…

He quickly cut off his train of thought before it could be pursued any further. He then mentally scolded himself for he was getting way too off topic.

Kakashi had seemed to wilt, like a dried up flower. "Very well sir, you see it happened like this…"

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, Wave Country, a few days ago…_

Kakashi watched Zabuza's body fall with a neutral expression. He held some respect for the Kiri missing-nin. Not much mind you, but enough to admit that a great shinobi had fallen this day. He would have given the man a brief moment of silence if not for the fact he felt the importance of going to check and find out what that massive output of demonic chakra from Naruto was all about.

Unfortunately before he could get very far he was stopped by what at first glance appeared to be a Hobbit.

Well that's not to say the Hobbit stopped him, the stupid little thing just started shouting out into the slowly fading mist. Something about Zabuza failing to kill the bridge builder and how because of his failure he was a "baby demon." Kakashi was quite sure that had Zabuza been alive the man would have been quite insulted.

As the mist continued to fade two things quickly became very apparent. The first being that it was not a Hobbit who was speaking after all. No instead it was just a short and rather ugly old man wearing a business suit whom he had to assume was this Gato guy everyone had been complaining about and living in fear of since he got here. Oh and he had a large rather well armed army of mercenaries standing right behind him. Wasn't that just wonderful?!

No it really wasn't actually. Something was going on with his students and he was feeling a bit tired right now. Sure he could probably take on that army of mercenaries without too much trouble but he was feeling _tired._ If only he hadn't just killed Zabuza, then he could have relied on the missing nin to get pissed and take on the army.

Unfortunately Zabuza was dead and Kakashi was on his own.

Gato, now in plain view, took in the sight of the dead Zabuza and then looked up at Kakashi. A dastardly smirk soon decorated his features. "Well, I guess he really was a failure. You have my thanks for removing him from the equation. Unfortunately for you, I still need that bridge builder dead."

"Hmm, did you say something?" Kakashi asked, a smirk of his own hidden behind his mask. Let's see how much he could rile this guy up. Hopefully he could keep him distracted enough for the rest of the mist to fade so he could check on the condition of his students.

"Yes I think I did actually." Gato's smirk transformed into a glare. Or at least that's what Kakashi assumed based on the narrowed eyebrows and scowl, he couldn't actually see Gato's eyes behind the man's glasses. "I think I said something along the lines of WHOEVER BRINGS ME THE NINJA'S HEAD GETS TRIPLE PAY!" He roared.

The mercenary army cheered and raced forward, brandishing their weapons. From what Kakashi could see of the way the army held their weapons the mercenaries skill level varied between veteran fighters and random bum pulled of the street that was still completely wasted.

Kakashi got into a ready stance brandishing a kunai, but rather than wait for the army to engage him properly he simply unleashed some of his own Killing intent upon those intent on being his killers.

The effect was immediate, roughly two thirds of the opposing force either froze or collapsed to ground. Of the remaining third about half of them seemed to lose some of their nerve and either slowed down or started trembling as though running away in fear rather than running forward in blood lust.

That left roughly one sixth of the original army for Kakashi to actually feel any concern about. This while he had taken away much of the numbers advantage, those remaining were clearly the one's who were either too stupid to know when to back down or were tough enough to shrug off his KI and keep on coming. Which could also be considered stupid, or suicidal perhaps. Nonetheless they were clearly the cream of crop.

Not that it would really matter in the end.

Before Kakashi could effectively curbstomp the oncoming force however a flash of red sped from behind him and began tearing through the ranks quite literally. He blinked in surprise at what he assumed was Naruto, well at least the boy was alive even he appeared to currently be possessed by a demon. But what about Sasuke and Sakura? Oh, and also the bridge builder who they were supposed to be protecting.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called from behind him. Kakashi turned to see the mist had now completely cleared and he could fully view the scene behind him.

Tazuna was still alive which he supposed was a plus, but Naruto currently was holding Sasuke back from doing anything to Zabuza's partner who now appeared to be unconscious. Well Naruto appeared to have Sasuke under control for now, before he could deal with the fake hunter nin he had to deal with the rampaging Na… ru… to…

Wait.

If Naruto was behind him keeping Sasuke from killing Zabuza's partner before they could be interrogated then who was currently slaughtering the mercenaries in a demonic like fashion?

Kakashi slowly turned back around, already dreading the answer.

Most of the mercenaries were dead or dying by now. Those still on two feet were either fleeing in terror, or in the case of the particularly stupid ones, attempting to actually fight their seemingly unstoppable assailant.

Now that the red blur had significantly slowed down, Kakashi was able to see the figure underneath the demonic cloak. Pink hair, check. Developing feminine figure, check. Red dress which was a horrible choice of clothing for a shinobi, check. Insane demonic grin, check. Although that last one probably should not have been there.

Sakura had apparently become a jinchuuriki somehow.

When the last mercenary fell Sakura's demonic cloak slowly decayed as she glanced around look for any survivors who had not made the wise choice of fleeing for their meaningless lives.

"Ah Sakura-chan, I think you got them all." Kakashi called to her already wondering how she would respond.

She turned her attention to Kakashi who blinked upon seeing that her eyes were now red instead of green and the pupils slitted. He also noted the four whisker marks adorning her cheeks.

" **Who's Sakura?"** The girl asked him in a voice that was layered similarly to Naruto's when he channeled the Kyuubi's power. **"I am the Kyuubi no Youko!"**

Kakashi stared for a full minute before connecting his palm to his face. He was seriously not being payed enough to deal with this shit.

* * *

 _Hiruzen POV, Present Day, Hokage's Office…_

Hiruzen waited for a moment after Kakashi had finished, clearly hoping for some elaboration. "Well…?" He prompted the jounin.

"That's about it." Kakashi told him. "Although after thinking a bit more on it I've decided that Sakura is more of a pseudo Jinchuuriki now."

"But what about the two new members of your team? And what was that last bit about not getting payed enough?" Hiruzen pressed harder, wanting answers.

"What new two members of my team?" Kakashi asked glancing back at the five young people behind him. "I see Naruto, the "Kyuubi no Youko" and Sasuke. Next to them are two civilians who entered the village around the same time as us and decided to follow us here for some reason."

Hiruzen stared at Kakashi. Kakashi stared back with his singular eye.

"Jounin Hatake, I expect answers." Hiruzen said in his best 'I am the Sandaime Hokage and you had best remember that' voice.

Kakashi sighed and deflated slightly. "As my Hokage wishes." He muttered sarcastically. He pointed at the taller addition, "That's Zabuza's former companion, they repeatedly asked us to kill them seeing as Zabuza is dead but we voted and Sasuke lost. They were apparently never a ninja of Kiri and Zabuza just kind of picked them up in woods one day. No we don't know whether they are a boy or a girl."

His finger transferred to the boy behind Sasuke. "That's Sasuke's new disciple. Whose name is apparently Disciple. He's training to become a cultist of Jashin. He's here to learn the ways of Jashin and eventually become mentally capable of sacrificing his family in ritualistic fashion."

"I see." Hiruzen muttered more to himself than to Kakashi. The day had barely started and already he felt like he had spent the day hard at work. What an incredible achievement by Team Seven.

"One last question." Hiruzen decided before he dismissed them. "Why exactly is your female student… er…" He trailed off trying to find the most polite words for what she was currently doing to Naruto.

"Attempting (and succeeding) to seduce him?" Kakashi suggested helpfully ad following Hiruzen's nod of confirmation, continued. "Well upon claiming to be the Kyuubi, Naruto got defensive…"

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, A few days earlier, Wave Country…_

"Hey what do you mean you're the Kyuubi no Youko!" Naruto shouted at the pink haired girl, "I'm the Kyuubi!"

" **No, I'm the Kyuubi!"** 'Kyuubi' shouted back at him.

"No, I'm the Kyuubi!" Naruto shot back.

" **No, I'm the Kyuubi!"** The girl repeated.

"No, I'm the Kyuubi!" Naruto recalled.

" **Your voice doesn't even sound demonic!"** 'Kyuubi roared at him.

"It can if I want it to!" Naruto shouted.

" **Liar!"** The female declared pointing accusingly at the boy.

Kakashi had moved to hold the back of Sasuke's shirt as the Uchiha heir continued to attempt to reach Zabuza's partner. Likely with plans of sacrificing them for one reason or another. Or more likely doing so for absolutely no reason. He had made the wise decision to just allow this to play out and deal with the fallout.

"Well I have a voice in my head!" Naruto announced proudly. Kakashi resisted the urge to slap him upside the head. That was not something to be proud about. Having two eyes was something to be proud about, having a voice in your head was something else altogether.

" **Ha! I have four voices in** _ **my**_ **head."** 'Kyuubi' called back to him.

"Grr **rrrr…"** Naruto's features began turning demonic as his whiskers thickened and his eyes flashed red. **"I'll show you who the real Kyuubi is!"** He roared and lunged forward, a demonic cloak engulfing his form.

'Kyuubi's' own cloak reformed and she charged forward rather than leaping into the air. The two met with an explosion of red and demonic chakra.

Kakashi stared with a slight twitch occasionally irritating his right (and only) eye as the two tussled on the ground scratching and biting like a pair of super powered toddlers. If he could do so without risking serious harm to himself he would pull them apart.

Eventually Naruto managed to pin 'Kyuubi' to the bridge. Likely due to the fact that Naruto had more muscle mass than Sakura did despite some of her personalities beginning to take training more seriously. Also due to the fact that Naruto had the full Kyuubi to draw on rather than just whatever limited amount Sakura had somehow gained.

" **Ha! I win!"** Naruto declared proudly smirking at the girl.

" **Rawr!"** 'Kyuubi' snarled at him angrily.

" **Admit it!"** Naruto gloated, making the wise decision not to let his guard down.

" **If you're the Kyuubi then what am I?"** The girl questioned angrily. Then a look of understanding spread across her features. **"Wait I think I get it now!"**

" **Eh?"** The blonde boy looked confused but didn't make any movements.

" **We're both the Kyuubi! You must be my other half!"** She declared a wide grin splitting her features.

" **W-what?"** Naruto spluttered finally losing his grip on girl. She immediately lunged up at him, but rather than attacking him she just hugged him tightly and began nuzzling her head into him.

" **Never again shall we be parted! I will ensure we will never be separated again!"** She declared squeezing tighter.

Naruto made an odd squeaking noise that could have either been a complaint of pain or a cry for help.

Kakashi just stared at the pair of them. He really was not being payed enough for this.

* * *

 _Present Time, Hokage's Office…_

"Do you want a pay raise Kakashi?" Hiruzen questioned the ninja. That was the second time he had brought up "not being payed enough."

"The thought never crossed my mind Hokage-sama!" Kakashi said in a pleasant voice. "But since you offered I would be _very_ happy to take one."

Hiruzen felt like slamming his head into his desk _very_ hard for several minutes.

"Get out." He pointed towards the door and glared at the ninja.

"Of course Hokage-sama." He turned his attention towards his students. "Naruto take your "other half" and follow me we're taking her to Yamanaka Inoichi. Haku, you're coming with us because I don't trust you not to commit suicide if we leave you alone. Sasuke and Disciple..." The jounin stared at them for a minute. "Don't kill anyone too important." He decided.

As the door closed behind the clearly insane Team Seven Hiruzen could not help but realize he had forgotten to ask what had happened to Gato.

Probably nothing important.

 _Sasuke's POV, A few days Earlier, Gato's Mansion…_

"I sacrifice this heathen in the name of Jashin-sama!" Disciple declared as he plunged his kitchen knife into own chest.

Sasuke couldn't help but smirk as he watched the midget business man convulse on the floor as blood poured out of a wound that had appeared on his chest.

Disciple shuddered in either pain or pleasure, Sasuke was not quite sure seeing as how the boy was new to this lifestyle. But either way, the cultist Uchiha felt a surge of pride well up in his chest. His apprentice had just made his first official sacrifice.

He smirked even as Disciple's markings began to fade. "Welcome to Jashin-sama's light, my disciple."

* * *

 _General POV, Present Day, Konoha…_

"And how long did you say she's been like this?" Inoichi questioned Kakashi as he inspected the pink haired girl he vaguely recalled being close friends with Ino several years earlier.

"A few days. But this is just the newest personality, although we have not seen any of the others since she made her first appearance." Kakashi explained patiently. Normally he would be messing around but this was a bit more serious than he would have liked.

"How long has she been clinging to err…" He glanced at Naruto with an expression that seemed slightly guiltier than it should have been.

"Almost as long. She declared he was her "other half" and we've only managed to pry her off of him a few times since then. She always comes back though and the next time is even more difficult." When a jounin like him was having trouble there was a very big problem. Never underestimate the power of a crush. Or whatever this was.

Haku sat patiently as the others talked, their hand occasionally twitching towards the kunai they had hidden under their kimono. If they weren't sure that they would be stopped before they could finish the job they would surely have attempted to take their own life by now.

Inoichi was surely going to need to make them a regular patient after the current problem was sorted.

"And you have no idea how she got multiple personality disorder?" Inoichi pressed.

"Absolutely none." Kakashi admitted.

"Well a weird seal appeared on her forehead." Naruto mentioned causing both men to look at him. "I didn't recognize it and it changed before she woke up like this."

Inoichi stared in surprise and then started pacing and muttering under his breath. Kakashi meanwhile glared at Naruto.

"Why didn't you mention this sooner?" He asked his student with a small amount of anger.

"I was kind of dealing with other problems." Naruto complained and gave another futile attempt to get the pink haired girl off of him.

Kakashi sighed in frustration and turned back to Inoichi. "Is it possible for a seal to do something like this?" He inquired.

"I'm not expert on seals." Inoichi commented after another moment of thought. "But I heard Jiraiya is returning to the village, perhaps we can ask him."

Before the conversation could continue 'Kyuubi' shuddered and then gasped. Her eyes closed and the whiskers faded from her cheeks, when her eyes opened again they had returned to their natural shade of green.

"Finally!" She gasped as she pushed Naruto away from herself. "We've spent the last seventy six hours, forty five minutes and thirty seconds trying to take her control away!"

"Sakura?" Kakashi asked tentatively.

"Missy actually." The girl corrected him. "It was either me or Inner and I took the initiative before she could try anything."

"Explain." Inoichi told the girl even as she put on the lab coat that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"None of us had enough chakra on our own to subvert the personality we have dubbed "Akuma." Therefore we all combined forces and chakra control skills in an effort to outflank her. Her power has slowly decreased over the last three days and we still only managed to dethrone her in the last few minutes." Missy explained with patience and detail.

"Do you know how you and the other personalities came about?" Inoichi pressed the girl, clearly searching for answers.

"None whatsoever but based on the fact that Uzumaki-san mentioned we have a seal on our head I would have to theorize that this disorder is not natural and instead exists by someone else's design." The girl answered.

"But whose design." Kakashi muttered. "And what were their intentions?"

* * *

 _Orochimaru's POV, Twelve Years Ago…_

Orochimaru had a problem.

A big problem. And no he wasn't talking about how he would occasionally get called out on his habit of inviting young prepubescent boys with bloodlines to his evil lai- err… professional and completely legal laboratory.

No it was his plans for the future.

He had originally intended to learn every ninjutsu ever created but as he studied jutsu he realized just how vast the spectrum was. How many new ninjutsu techniques were created every year? And why should he limit himself to just ninjutsu techniques? What about genjutsu, taijutsu, kenjutsu, senjutsu, fuuinjutsu and all the subcategories there of.

Due to the sheer amount of knowledge he sought he had decided to attempt to achieve immortality. He had a variety of ideas for how to achieve this including everything from using seven magic balls to make a wish to a dragon for it to using something called alchemy to turn himself into a philosopher's stone.

But his best idea for the time being was the one where he would transfer his soul to another body and continue living.

The question is what body to use when the time came to test his body switching technique…

His first thoughts were along the lines of something with a sharingan. Specifically an Uchiha since they had the whole natural advantage going for them.

Of course getting an Uchiha to use was a bit of a problem seeing how paranoid they were.

Then he had another idea. An Uzumaki! They naturally had large chakra reserves _and_ an exceptionally long life expectancy. Plenty of chakra to use jutsu as well as the closest natural thing to immortality.

So Orochimaru decided to go about finding an Uzumaki.

The problem with that was there was only one known living Uzumaki left.

And its name was Kushina.

As it turns out going up a young woman and asking her if he could have her body is not a good idea. Especially if that young woman is the jinchuuriki of the nine tails and had this particularly interesting ability involving chains. Even if it was very amusing to watch Jiraiya's little blonde student spit out his drink.

Well it's like they say. If you can't beat 'em, create a clone using the DNA of dead Uzumaki clan members.

He wasn't quite sure if anyone actually said that but for the sake of science he would pretend they did.

Konoha, while it never had an abundance of Uzumaki, did happen to have one of vaguely high revere. A dead one admittedly but that just made the prospect more exciting.

It did bring up a few awkward questions however when he went to gather the required DNA.

"Orochimaru-sama?" A young chunin who had the misfortune of being on guard duty in the old senju compound where the clan graveyard was located questioned the sannin. "What are you doing here?"

Orochimaru glanced from the shovel and the hole he was in the process of digging to chunin and back again. He briefly debated the likelihood of of Sarutobi-sensei noticing one chunin going missing. He turned back to chunin and answered. "Just doing a bit of late night… ah... research."

"Oh, carry on then." The chunin shrugged and went back to his rounds. Orochimaru watched him leave feeling quite surprised that actually worked.

 _Honestly the intelligence of the average ninja is rather concerning._ Orochimaru thought to himself as he shoved the shovel back into the dirt. _Next thing you know most of a fight is going to be spent talking and having flashbacks._ As long as he never participated in combat such as that, it should be fine though.

He smirked as he heard the thunk of his shovel connecting to something hard. Now he just had to haul the coffin out of the hole he had just dug. Perhaps he could use an earth jutsu to…

Orochimaru suddenly felt like kicking himself. Why had he not thought of using an earth jutsu to just dig the hole for him in the first place? He would have to remember that next time he went grave robbing.

Nonetheless his previous mistake did not halt him from using a jutsu to remove the coffin from the hole. Nor did it stop him from using another jutsu to refill the hole. If he had time when he was done he would put the body back. He was a good person after all. Besides who was he to stop future generations from grave robbing this corpse?

Upon returning to his evil l- _legal laboratory_ , he went about extracting the DNA of Uzumaki Mito.

It was a long process and he had to refer to his notes on cloning several times in order to ensure that he was extracting the right strands.

Genetic cloning was a complicated process. While creating a jutsu based clone was simple, creating one from the genetic tissue of another person was another process entirely. In fact it was virtually impossible to create a perfect clone of anyone or anything. This was due to the birthing process.

Cloning was not as simple as extracting DNA from a subject and then putting it in a tube of glowing fluid. No, the technology for creating a clone like that was years beyond even him. The clone was human after all and would need to go through the stages that a natural fetus would go through.

The only known process was to find a surrogate mother to carry the baby. This was where the imperfection came into play. This was due to the fact that mitochondrial DNA, a very necessary part of life, was inherited from the mother while the fetus is in the womb. So unless the clone's surrogate mother was the original, the clone would have discrepancies.

But where to get a volunteer surrogate mother...

"Orochimaru-sensei!" A voice called, "I brought the rats you wanted for your totally legal experiments."

Oh good Anko was back perhaps she would know someone!

"Anko-chan do you have any female friends who are not currently pregnant and are capable of having children?" He asked his _eighteen year old_ student. **(AN: Yes I bumped her age up, I'm not a sicko)**

"Well Kurenai-chan started her PMS a few months ago be she's way too young for that sort of thing, why?" Anko asked curiously.

"I need to borrow someone's womb!" Orochimaru announced, if it were possible he would do it himself but seeing as he was male that was impossible if only there were a jutsu that could turn him female for nine months!

"Well you can use my womb sensei…" Anko said in a sultry tone, once again attempting to seduce her childhood crush.

Orochimaru rolled his eyes at her immaturity. "I need it for science girl, get your mind out of the gutter." Nonetheless he could not pass up the opportunity even if he was not quite comfortable using his adorable little student. He then glanced at Anko and frowned.

"And for Kami's sake girl, put your clothes back on, I don't need it right now!"

* * *

 _Nine Months Later, March Twenty Eighth …_

"Morning sensei. Do you know why I can't remember anything for the last nine months and why are you holding a baby?" Anko looked confused as she walked into the lair which may or may not be evil.

"I couldn't hazard a guess as to your memory loss Anko-chan and ignore the baby." He told her hiding his frown as he inspected the child.

Orochimaru had actually been trying to erase his own memory using a Yamanaka jutsu but it appeared the clan was far more adept at using it than he was, for the time being at least. Anko had been very… difficult during her pregnancy. He had been trying to erase the memories of all the screaming, midnight runs to the store, and foot massages he had been forced to do to keep the girl happy.

As for the clone of Mito the child had been born completely healthy. The only concern he held was the hair color. For some reason the girl's hair was pink instead of red and her eyes green instead of gray. Perhaps he had made a mistake when extracting the DNA or it might have to do with the mtDNA she got from Anko. Nevertheless he had compared the DNA he saved from Mito to the clone's and they were almost exact matches apart from the hair and eye genes.

"Are you sure? That baby kind of looks familiar." Anko mentioned, taking a good long look at the pink haired baby who upon seeing Anko, reached towards her and started babbling.

"Just your imagination." Orochimaru told her as he set the infant down and studied the design for the seal he had invented. It would allow the mind to separate into multiple personalities each focused on their own area of study. That way while part of the mind was in control of the body and perhaps training taijutsu the other parts would be able to enter a sort of "mind-scape" and work on their own areas of study. He was quite proud of it. He would apply it to the infant and see how she developed before risking applying it to himself. Unfortunately due to the months of caring for Anko during her pregnancy he was rather behind on his research.

Well, as long as no demons were set loose on the village in the next couple of months everything should be fine…

* * *

 _Orochimaru POV, October Eleventh…_

He had lost the Mito clone.

The stupid fox demon had trampled through his lab and he had been forced to act quickly to save himself, Anko, and most of his experiments. Unfortunately he had been forced to make multiple trips in order to save as much as he could and the lab had been trampled by the time he went back for the clone of Uzumaki Mito. Or as he liked to call her, MM for Mini-Mito. Because she was a mini Mito...

 _He_ thought it was funny.

So now he had roughly a third of his notes, less than a fourth of his experiments and thoroughly disturbed Anko. All in all, not the best night.

Perhaps he should forget about the Uzumaki and focus on the Sharingan, yes that seemed like a much better idea. On that note with everything he had lost he should focus on ninjutsu for the next few years, perhaps he should check on the experiment in the underground lab revolving around the Mokuton.

In fact he should probably move to the underground lab permanently seeing as how the above ground one had been trampled by a demon and he did not wish to have a repeat of that incident thank you very much.

Besides what were the odds of his Sensei finding him in the lab with all of his horribly illegal experiments?

* * *

 _General POV, Elsewhere…_

Despite Orochimaru's beliefs the baby was quite fine actually, if a bit upset. She had been old enough to survive the night on her own safely protected by support beams that had fallen at a tilt. Of course the next morning she had been quite hungry and needed a diaper change so she had begun crying as loudly as she could.

This had thankfully alerted nearby rescuers who had been searching the more ruined parts of the village for survivors. She had been thus rescued and taken to a shelter for young children who had been separated from their parents. Some would be claimed by their worried parents and others would be left waiting, crying for parents who would never again hug them and tell them everything was alright.

Those children would be put into the orphanage, and our pink haired baby would be one of them.

A few weeks later a couple looking to adopt a young child to raise as their own would visit the orphanage. They were Haruno Kizashi and his wife Haruno Mebuki, when they saw the pink haired girl they would think it was a sign as Kizashi had a similar, if darker, hair color. So they adopted her and took her in as their own child.

They named her Haruno Sakura.

* * *

 **That's the end of the chapter!**

 **Sakura's past has been revealed and yes that is actually how modern day cloning works. Look it up if you don't believe me.**

 **Also that stuff with Orochimaru is probably the darkest I am going to take this story. So if you didn't feel comfortable with it don't worry it won't come to that again. And yes I am going to have some interaction with Anko and Sakura based on what was revealed this chapter.**

 **Inari/Disciple is now in Konoha with his master! And Haku is slightly suicidal. That will get sorted out and I should remind you that this is not a serious story and that I am in no way attempting to make fun of people with suicidal thoughts. I've been there and while it was a particularly dark moment in my life I've gotten help and you should too. That's what I'm doing for Haku.**

 **On a less dark and depressing note, reviews!**

 **Daygon Yuuki: I'm writing Orochimaru slightly less evil in this story, morally challenged yes, but less evil. So he probably wouldn't offer the sacrifices and you'll have to wait and see when Sasuke meets Hidan.**

 **Guest(1): I wouldn't call it cute, more liked possessed.**

 **Suzululu4moe : I did imagine it and you get to enjoy it.**

 **0SomeoneStrange0: Maybe I could work with that.**

 **StrangersAreBad: Wait no longer!**

 **YugiKitten: My apologies Nara-san.**

 **Twisted Pxl: Fair point but if we based off voice actors Naruto would also be a girl. Seriously, all his voice actors were girls. That seems to be a trend in anime, especially for japanese dubs.**

 **Mio: Wave is safe for now. But Inari/Disciple will return one day!**

 **Ashes: Glad you think so.**

 **Guest(2): Hah, that's amusing! I didn't think of it like that.**

 **XaomaomeGmail com: You would be surprised how often I here that.**

 **Sagar hussian: My thanks!**

 **NatNicole: That's actually a reference to DBZ when Goku told Krillin not to kill Vegeta. It was for bullshit reasons and I will admit Vegeta's an interesting character and he did help them on Namek but without know they would need him it was a stupid move.**

 **Toramonger: I hope you managed to survive the wait!**

 **NarutoAdmirer21: I'm happy to hear you find it amazing.**

 **TubfullOfDishes345: Yeah most demonic!Naruto stories typically have a lot of bashing and death.**

 **Hellhound monster girl lover: I thank you!**

 **Well that's all for reviews but I wonder how many angry ones I'm going to get about Sakura? Oh well.**

 **I plan to go back to Lightman Legacy next week. I'm going to do some rewriting because I am displeased with parts of it. Similarly I'm going to rewrite parts of Gone Ghost at a later date.**

 **Until next time folks!**

 **Bye.**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	7. Suna Idiots

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto: Finds a kindred demon**

 **Sakura: Finds a kindred spirit**

 **Sasuke: Finds a new recruit**

 **Kakashi: Wonders what the heck is wrong with doors**

 **Who said Konoha was the only village with their own set of idiots? Suna has its problems too ya know!**

 **Sorry this is a day late, I was busy yesterday!**

 **Oh, also the Chunin exams are soon and what not.**

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, Konoha…_

Sasuke glanced between the two boys staring at eachother. It was not so much the way they were staring at each other that was concerning him rather than the fact that _they were staring at eachother._

Today had started out well enough. He had once again petitioned the T&I department to allow him access to their prisoners that were going to be executed. It was not like they were going to missed or anything, and if they were just going to kill them anyway why not allow him to make sure that their deaths actually meant something rather than being pointless slaughter.

That was around the time things began spiraling downhill. Once again the petition had been rejected and he had barely restrained himself from sacrificing the first person he saw. And due to the fact he had failed to sacrifice said person, he had, in repentance, spent several hours praying in a prayer circle made from the blood of sacrificed animals.

Disciple needed to be cared for as well. He had made a slight miscalculation when he had taken the younger boy under his wing. While he had been somewhat self sufficient at seven years old, Disciple was most certainly not. He actually had to take care of the child, as in cook his meals and walk him the academy.

Enrolling his prodigee in the Shinobi Academy had been a necessity. After all Konoha did not allow civilians to run around "sacrificing" people, so Disciple had no choice but to become a shinobi in order to properly follow Jashinism in the modern world. Perhaps in better times, those who worship the true god Jashin would be able to do so to their hearts fullest content and then some, but in the Shinobi world one had to be ninja in order to do so.

Nevertheless, Sasuke was not going to let something like that keep him down. Following his prayer and dropping Disciple off at the academy he had gone to meet with his team. Before he could arrive however he came across the most interesting of circumstances. Well, it was actually not the most interesting but it was certainly intriguing despite that.

"I'll clobber you little munchkins!" A rather familiar feminine voice called.

Sasuke decided to avoid making formal contact with his team, and instead to just sit back and enjoy watching, who he assumed to be, Inner chase after a bunch of Academy students. It was fairly amusing to observe. He noticed Naruto was following along behind the group. Close enough to move in if things got too extreme but far enough away to enjoy the show.

Rather than act like the blonde demon incarnate, Sasuke made the much more enjoyable choice of sitting far back enough to just get a perfect view of show. Completely lacking concern to the welfare of the participants below was just the way to go in this kind of situation. Besides it wasn't like he actually knew the brats down there so even if Inner ended up killing them it was no skin off his back. Although he could not help but wonder what it was they had done to get Inner to come after them in such a manner.

Of course though, they did not stay in the area for very long. Very quickly the brats ran away and Sasuke was forced to get up and follow along if he wanted to continue enjoying the show. Silently, he debated the pros and cons of attempting to sacrifice those kids. Inner would probably help him do it if he asked. But Naruto would probably stop him for something stupid like "it was wrong to kill people." The more he thought about the more he could agree that Naruto was the lamest demon ever.

Seriously, what kind of demon didn't want to kill people? In fact what kind of demon openly voiced concerns about the wellbeing of people?

As he followed along he quickly noticed that Naruto appeared to be losing control of the situation. While at first the demon had been following along simply for the entertainment value like himself, the other ninja apparently realised that he would not be able to stop Inner if she managed to reach the kids. This in mind the blonde proceeded to speed up in an attempt to catch up before it was too late.

Still in the trees, Sasuke managed to get ahead of the group and turn the corner before they did. Upon doing so he found himself in yet another tree looking down on a small road that was out of the way and almost completely empty of people.

Key word being "almost."

There were a pair of people walking down the road. This of course would hardly be of any interest to Sasuke were it not for their appearances, and more importantly, the headband they were both wearing. It was most certainly not that of the leaf village. Instead of the spiral leaf they had some sort of odd hourglass shape engraved in the metal portion.

Before he could decide whether or not to confront them and question who they were, someone else ran into them first.

Quite literally in fact.

"Little brat, you should watch where you're going! Right Kappa?" The boy said after the brown haired boy ran into him. Sasuke blinked and stared as he watched the make-up wearing cat-boy talk to the turtle puppet on his right hand.

"That's right Kankuro!" The puppet responded in a squeaky voice that quite clearly originated from the corner of this "Kankuro's" mouth. "You should teach that little shit a lesson." The puppet continued in the same squeaky voice.

"You're right Kappa!" Kankuro said to the turtle puppet and proceeded to pick up the brown haired boy who had run into him using his free hand. Before he could begin any form of discipline however, he was halted by a source that Sasuke had been expecting.

"OI, YOU!" Inner shouted down the road as she rounded the corner. "Back off, he's mine to beat to a pulp!"

"Listen girly." The turtle puppet squeaked at her causing the pink haired menace to stare in surprise. "That little punk ran into Kankuro and now he's merely teaching the kid a lesson he won't forget anytime soon."

"Please don't kill my minions!" Naruto soon followed around the bend calling towards Inner. "I don't know who I'd mess with on a daily basis if I didn't have them!"

"Shut up demon boy!" Inner snapped at him. "He shouldn't have insulted me if he didn't want to end up tied to a stake to be burned at my nearest convenience!"

"Temari! Don't just stand there! Tell them he's mine to beat up!" Kankuro told the girl next to him.

"Yeah, Temari, tell them!" Kappa added in helpfully.

"I don't care." Temari told the puppet and puppeteer duo in a deadpan tone. "Beat up the kid. Or don't. I honestly couldn't care less. It's all just so…" She sighed, "Troublesome."

"Why are you always so boring Temari." Kankuro complained. "Crow agrees with me, don't you Crow?" He directed towards the thing wrapped in bandages on his back. Silence for a moment. "You tell her Crow!"

Sasuke felt his right eye twitch at the insanity that was currently in progress below. He had learned to deal with Naruto, he was even starting to get used to handling Sakura and all of her personalities. But now there were these two random nobodies from some other village who were trying to bring their insanity here. Not to mention the fact that Naruto, Naruto of all people, was attempting to train minions. In Jashin-sama's name he could not allow something like this to continue.

He would do his duty as a Jashinist and attempt to solve the madness the best way he knew how.

* * *

 _Hokage's office, Kakashi POV, That Exact Same Time…_

For some reason Kakashi felt a shiver run down his spine as he waited for the Hokage to begin his announcements about the chunin exams. Normally he would have come three hours late but for some reason the message he had received had told him to arrive three hour early. The Sandaime Hokage had assured him that it was a simple mistake and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that everyone knew he would arrive three hour later than the time he had been told to come.

Yet, he was fairly certain his odd timing had absolutely nothing to do with the ominous feeling that plagued him. But if he were a betting man he would guess that his instincts were warning him. About what? He had no clue, bt he would theorize that it would have something to do with his team of crazy adorable little maniacs.

Also, it was likely related to the plume of smoke that was slowly raising into the air.

* * *

 _With Team Seven and The Sand Siblings, General POV, Same Time…_

"Damnit bastard! What the hell were you trying to do? Kill us!" Naruto shouted through the smoke towards his "friend."

"I was trying to cure your insanity." Sasuke commented wryly. "The word 'your' being applicable to the group of you. I don't think I can kill you dobe, but at least I would stop the madness the rest of you contain."

"Why Sasuke-kun." Inner was crying dramatically. "What could I have done to displease you! I would give up everything for you!"

"That! That is exactly the problem!" Sasuke called to her. "You're too damn creepy! You're like that girl who stalks Naruto only worse!"

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked stupidly not hearing the slight "eep!" and the rustling of bushes. Fortunately for said girl, no one else did either.

"Hey, it's rude to try blowing people up with a fireball!" Another voice cut into the conversation before it could progress.

"Jashin-sama damn it." Sasuke swore as he recognized the voice of the puppeteer ninja.

The surprising part however was not that he was still alive, no, Sasuke's attack had created a lot of smoke but not done much damage otherwise. What was odd was the fact that a wall of sand collapsed as if it had suddenly had the strings cut.

"Kankuro stop being embarrassing." Another voice said to the cat boy. "You're making a bad impression. They're lesser being, we need to show them we are better than they are."

"Sorry Gaara." Kankuro's voice came weakly. Some might even call it afraid.

The smoke had cleared completely at this point allowing a complete view of all the people in the area. Konohamaru and his two companions had survived alright and the Sand Siblings stood in a loose formation with Gaara standing in front of the elder two. Naruto just stared at them in confusion as Sasuke took up a tenser stance while Inner just moped on the ground at being called creepy by her "beloved."

"So who are you three. You do know you shouldn't be wandering around in a foreign shinobi village? Even if you did have permission to be here." Sasuke told them with narrowed eyes, he held off on activating his sharingan.

"Well we wouldn't be wandering around if someone hadn't gotten us lost, _Crow_." Kankuro complained and glared over his shoulder at the bandage wrap on his back.

"You do know that Crow can't talk, don't you Kankuro?" Temario commented looking at her brother.

"Temari it's rude to interrupt people while they're talking." Gaara mentioned in a bored tone not taking his eyes off of Sasuke and Naruto.

"Yeah!" Naruto added in. "You should apologize to Crow!" He told the girl.

Temari just gave them all a long, hard, stare, not saying anything or moving for a minute. "I'm not apologizing to an inanimate object."

"Shush!" Kankuro told her quickly, moving in an attempt to cover Crow's ears. "You know Crow doesn't like it when people bring that up."

Temari just sighed and hung her head. "...Troublesome." She muttered under her breath.

"Okay, so we've met Make-up Cat-boy, and Rude, Boring-girl. Who are you?" Sasuke asked the red headed boy standing in front of them. He silently wondered how he could carry the massive gourd on his back around without collapsing underneath its weight. Seriously the thing was huge.

"I am Gaara, also known as the Ichibi no Tanuki. These two are my minions. Do not be alarmed mere mortals but I am a demon." He told them patiently and clearly expecting some sort of reaction.

And he certainly got one, but not the one he was expecting.

"Cool, I'm Naruto, also known as the Kyuubi no Youko." Naruto said smiling. "I'm a demon too."

"Really?" Gaara asked skeptically. "Well, you certainly don't look like a demon."

"Well neither do you, but looks can be deceiving can't they?" Naruto pointed out still smiling cheerfully. "Besides I got sealed into the form a human baby by the fourth Hokage."

"Ahh, the fourth Kazekage did something very similar with me. Do you also have the memories of your past life causing a ruckus inside of your head." Gaara asked as if he were discussing the weather.

Sasuke just stood and stared in shock at the way this conversation was going. This was not how he had expected today to go at all. Maybe he should just get out of here and wait for Kakashi for another few hours. Then again, he wanted to see where this conversation went. Maybe he could wait for a few more minutes.

"Kind of," Naruto started. "But they're locked away in a cage so they really only bother me when I'm drunk on my own power or unable to get back up."

"Ah, you are fortunate in that regard." Gaara told him, nodding serenely. "Since we are both Biju then I assume that we are related."

"Most likely." Naruto agreed. "Want to hang out and catch up."

"Certainly." Gaara nodded and turned to Temari and Kankuro. "Minions, I am going to talk with my brother. You two are free to move about the village but do not embarrass yourselves and by extension me. Other than that have fun." He then turned and followed Naruto as the two walked off.

"So wanna get some Ramen?" Naruto asked.

"I don't believe I have ever had ramen." Gaara responded.

"You have so much to learn little brother." Naruto told him sagely as the two rounded a corner and vanished from view.

Sasuke stared after them for a long moment before turning back to the remaining people in the area.

""Don't embarrass ourselves." He says." Kankuro was complaining to Kappa. "Like we would embarrass ourselves in a foreign village."

"Yeah who does Gaara think he is?" Kappa "said" before using his little arms to cover his mouth as though afraid he had said something wrong.

"You're really lucky Gaara wasn't here to hear that." Kankuro told the turtle puppet.

"Ya know." A creepy voice suddenly interrupted Kankuro and Kappa's conversation. The puppeteer immediately whirled to face the source and found himself face to face with the pink haired member of Team Seven who had formerly been Inner.

Except she was not Inner anymore.

"I always wanted to study a schizophrenic." Missy told him smiling dangerously, her glasses flashed and her lab coat billowed in the wind dramatically. "Let's go somewhere a little more… private?" She suggested, grabbing Kankuro by the arm and dragging him away.

"Crow! Do something!" Kankuro shouted as they too disappeared from view.

Konohamaru and his gang had run off at some point during the confusion and now left Temari and Sasuke alone in the middle of the, slightly crispier than normal, street.

"So your teammate never did say why you guys were here." Sasuke prompted the girl who looked at him with dull eyes.

"We're from Suna, here for the chunin exams, not like it really matters." Temari said in a lazy tone of voice.

Sasuke stared at her for a few minutes. "What is wrong with you?" He finally asked the Suna ninja.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked sarcastically showing some real emotion for once. "What's wrong with _everyone_. Everyone goes about their daily lives trying to do something, become a great ninja, become the richest, bed the most men/women. Don't they see that no matter what they do they're all going to die anyway?" She asked exasperatedly clearly letting out some steams he had been holding in for who knows how long and was using Sasuke as an outlet.

"It's all pointless," She continued, a long lost fire returned to her eyes, "we live, then we die. It doesn't matter what happens in between. We're all in a constant spiral of life and death that can never be escaped. Why bother with anything? Yet, despite this, everyone tries like they actually _mean something._ All we're doing is biding time until the eventual heat death of the universe." She finished heaving slightly.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and gave her a curious stare. "Are you done?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm done." She said having calmed down and returned to her uncaring appearance and tone of voice. Her shoulders sagged and her eyes became dull.

"Good. Now come on." Sasuke turned and motioned for her to follow. He had a blank face on but inside he was pumping his metaphorical fist. This girl was in the perfect mindset for him to convert her.

"Why should I?" She asked in deadpan.

"Because I know a way for both your life and your eventual death can actually mean something. Now come on. I have much to teach you." He made a beckoning motion and began walking towards the Uchiha compound. Not turning around to see if she was following him. There was no need to.

After all, the muttered, "Troublesome." and the tapping of footsteps on the pavement were all he needed to know.

* * *

 _Training Ground Seven, Kakashi POV, a Few Hours Later..._

"Hmm.. " Kakashi hummed as he looked around the empty training ground. Apparently his students had wandered off somewhere. Oh well, it was not his problem if his students were unable to put up with his habits. He would just give them the forms for the Chunin Exams the next time he saw them. And if he just happened to drop in on them during their daily or nightly routines how was it his fault?

He pulled out his book and began wandering the streets of Konoha in the general direction of the Uchiha District as it was the closest place. As he was walking he came across a curious sight.

What appeared to be a foreign Jounin from Suna (likely here for the Chunin Exams), was standing in front of a doorway with a look of determination on his face, from what Kakashi could tell at least due to the fact he was wearing a veil. He raised his foot and made to step through the doorway but flinch and staggered backwards instead.

Kakashi stared as this repeated itself a dozen times in four minutes before eventually shrugging and continuing on his way.

He couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with doors though.

* * *

 _Yamanaka Compound, Yamanaka Inoichi POV…_

"Okay Haku, repeat what I said back to me, one last time." Yamanaka Inoichi urged the ice-release user.

"My life has meaning and I should not end it." Haku repeated dutifully in a tone that led Inoichi to believe that they actually meant it. He was tempted to sigh in relief at finally having made a breakthrough but was not quite ready to accept everything had worked out just yet.

"Very good, so if I were to give you this Kunai…" He prompted handing Haku said kunai. Inoichi felt that he was close enough to the boy/girl (he still hadn't figured that out), that he could stop them if they were to attempt to commit suicide.

"I would hold the kunai and use it as a weapon in a fight. I will most certainly not use it in any form of attempt to take my own life." Haku agreed holding the kunai with a trained hand but making no motions with it.

"Good, good." Inoichi sighed and leaned back into his chair, allowing himself to relax slightly.

"And since I cannot use it to take my own life I must ask you to kill me!" Haku said turning the kunai so that the handle was pointing towards Inoichi.

"No!" Inoichi shouted sitting forward now feeling quite alert. "I'm not going to kill you!" He said exasperatedly. "Try again."

"My life has meaning and I should not kill myself." Haku intoned." So you must kill me!"

"That's not the point I'm trying to make." Inoichi groaned and held his face in his hands. He still had to deal with the other three cases Kakashi wanted him to look into, he could not afford to get held up with this one. At least they weren't trying to kill themself anymore, but now they were trying to get other people to kill them.

He did not want to let this patient go, only for them to go up to the first person they met and ask them to kill them. That would be a whole entire new mess for him to deal with.

"Let's try looking at some inkblots." Inoichi suggested pulling out the cards.

"Okay." Haku said leaning back in their own seat.

"What does this one look like." He held up the first card.

"Zabuza-sama." Haku told him.

"Very good, and this one?" He held up the next card.

"Zabuza-sama." Haku repeated.

"Well what about this one?" Inoichi held up a third already knowing the answer.

"The Mizukage." Haku decided.

"Really?" Inoichi asked think he had something new to work with.

"Who is also Zabuza-sama." Haku said almost sheepishly.

This was going to be a long day…

* * *

 **Well that's the end of this chapter folks! Not the longest chapter but I had fun with it.**

 **Also yes that was Baki trying to go through the door, more on that next chapter.**

 **Once again, I apologize for not posting yesterday but I was exceedingly busy and did not have time to get the chapter finished. I finally got around to starting to play Skyrim: Special Edition. Blame the Elder Scrolls.**

 **I'm surprised I didn't get any negative reviews last chapter about Sakura's backstory. It was… controversial at best. Yet, I'd had it planned since I posted the first chapter! Also I can't wait to have Anko and Sakura meet, and then a bit later have the truth revealed, muahaha.**

 **Speaking reviews, let's do last chapter's!**

 **GotNoName123: Understandable, and I doubt anyone besides me saw it coming.**

 **Aramary: Glad you found it so!**

 **Zarethuzumi: I'm happy to hear you liked it.**

 **Mel72000: You are most welcome.**

 **Guest(1): I enjoy such stories as well which is why I decided to try my hand at one.**

 **NarutoAdmirer21: Wait no longer because here's the next chapter.**

 **Suzululu4moe: He really isn't.**

 **Setokayba2n: I'm going to have fun with that.**

 **Guest(2): Where do you think he got the idea for Mitsuki? (I'm joking but it might be cannon for this story [or would that be fannon?])**

 **Ashes: I'm not sure if you're making smooches or just spamming the number 3. Nonetheless, your review is appreciated.**

 **Mari Wollsch: Here is more of this!**

 **That's all for now folks, Wednesday will be an update of Gone Ghost, and as for Saturday…**

 **I'll just figure it out when I get there.**

 **Bye!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	8. Cults, Cults Everywhere

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Naruto: May have accidentally started a cult.**

 **Sakura: May have accidentally joined a cult.**

 **Kakashi: May have accidentally insulted a cult.**

 **Sasuke: Is kind of pissed at his teams' choice in cults.**

 **Konoha's set of idiots meets Suna's set of idiots. What could possibly go wrong?**

* * *

 _Naruto POV, Ichiraku Ramen…_

"Is it just me or is there something seriously wrong with humans?" Naruto asked his recently rediscovered brother.

"I don't believe I understand the question." Gaara told him looking thoughtful.

"Well, I get that we did a lot of bad things to them when we were gigantic monsters," Naruto started explaining. "But is it really a good idea for them to ostracize and mistreat us? We are technically the most powerful things in the world." At this point Naruto did not really care anymore but he could still recall feeling hurt and scared at how people treated him before he knew he was a demon.

"Humans are weak minded creatures who have the uncanny ability to rationalize their every action." Gaara commented in a matter of fact tone of voice. "A mother that abandons her child for no true reason has the ability to rationalize the decision until she herself believes that there is nothing wrong with what she did."

"Hmm." Naruto hummed before slurping up some of his ramen. "Humans are weird."

"Indeed." Gaara agreed with him. Tasting some of his own ramen. If the way he continued to eat it was anything to go by, Naruto could assume that the other tailed beast in human form liked it.

"So how did you end up getting your minions?" Naruto asked after a few minutes of companionable silence.

"To be honest I'm not really sure…" Gaara admitted when he had thought about it for a moment. "They've sort of just… always been hanging around. Eventually I decided that since I was the almighty Sand Spirit, I needed human followers to carry out my will." The red-headed demon explained. "Speaking of minions, how about yours?"

"Funny story." Naruto smiled in reminiscence. "But basically, everything that I punch tries to stalk me."

"Really?" Gaara asked sounding skeptical. Naruto did not particularly blame him, he found the situation rather strange too.

"It was about a year ago. I was at the hokage's office, then this little kid showed up and tripped. Then he blamed me so I punched him." Naruto explained to him. "Then he kept following me around until I agreed to train him. So I made a deal with him." He took this time to swallow another precious mouthful of ramen. "He could keep following me around but he would have to be my minion and **obey my every command."** Naruto's voice got a bit demonic at the end. Which was a total accident by the way.

Really, the only reason he had wanted a minion was because Sasuke had mentioned that _real_ demons had mortal minions to carry out their will on lower planes. He would have tried to have Sasuke do it but he had already pledged himself to a certain immortal deity. So he decided to make do with Konohamaru and his friends. They were fun to have around.

"Interesting." Gaara commented in a mundane tone even as another patron of the Ramen Bar quickly got out of their seat and ran as fast as they could.

"Naruto, as much as we like having you around, do you mind not using your demonic powers? They tend to scare away our other customers." Ayame asked him politely.

"Eh, sorry Ayame-chan." Naruto told her, running a hand through his hair in an embarrassed fashion. Thankfully it was already a spiky unkempt mess so it could not exactly be messed up any worse. "Sometimes I get a bit carried away."

"Just don't use it while other people are here." Ayame told him. Then shot a glance at Gaara who remained stoic. "Present company not withstanding."

"Duly noted." Gaara muttered and continued to eat the ramen.

"Ah, there you are my insane little student." A cheerful voice broke the thin layer of ice that had begun to form.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked in surprise, turning to look at his rather tardy sensei. "What are you doing here?"

"Well since my cute little students did not show up for training today I decided to go find my insane ones instead." Kakashi announced with that strange eye smile he could always pull off. Seriously, Naruto had tried in the mirror once but all he could do was make his pupil change from a circle into a slit. Speaking of which maybe he was going about doing it wrong.

He could try again later.

"Sorry 'bout that." Naruto told him not feeling very sorry at all actually. But it was polite to say so. "Inner started chasing after my minions so I had to go save them then we ran into a team from Suna, and have you met my brother, Gaara?"

Kakashi got a strange look on his face (or at least what Naruto could see of it) and just gave Gaara a strange and blank look. Then turned back to Naruto as a detail caught up to him.

"Wait since when do you have minions?" Kakashi asked. "Now I expect this of Sasuke but you…"

"Ah the bastard wishes he had minions like mine! Unlike his, mine don't kill people they just drive them insane with pranks! And then they are nice to them until they love them!" Naruto cackled maniacally. He pointedly ignored the odd looks Ayame, Kakashi and even Gaara were giving him.

"Okay, I'm going to try and repress this entire event and just give you the form you need for the Chunin exam. Could you show up pretty please? Okay? Good." Kakashi told Naruto and quickly handed him an envelope before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

A moment of silence descended in Kakashi's absence.

"Your sensei is rather rude isn't he?" Gaara asked Naruto. It was more of an observation than a question but Naruto answered it all the same.

"Yeah he kind of is. But he's honestly the strangest person on my team so you just have to get used to it." He explained.

"My sensei is a strange one too." Gaara told him. "I blame the fact that he's a human who has had little demonic influence before now."

"What's wrong with him?" Naruto asked wondering how strange a normal human could be. Well stranger than what he already knew.

"He has an irrational fear of doors and decided to start a cult around it." Gaara explained. "Admittedly it only has one other member."

"Really who?" Naruto asked in surprise. Although if Sasuke can join/form a cult based around killing people he really shouldn't be surprised.

"The Kazekage." Gaara swallowed. "Apparently they were teammates."

"I wonder why they're scared of doors though." Naruto muttered as he finished his bowl of ramen.

"The world may never know." Gaara finished his own bowl. "Though speaking of cults don't you sort of have one?"

"What do you mean?" Naruto questioned, confusion evident in the tone of his voice.

"Well you have three minions who do you bidding and obey you. Since you're an all powerful demon doesn't that make it a cult?" Gaara clarified helpfully.

"No- well… huh." Naruto slumped and his brow creased in thought. "I never really thought of it that way. I mean I wasn't trying to start a cult but I guess I kind of did…" Another thought ten occurred to the blonde demon boy. "Wait doesn't that mean you have a cult?"

"Actually my minions and I are classified as a church." Gaara told him digging around his his pocket before pulling out a sheet of paper. It was a legal form dictating the existence of the "Holy Church of the Almighty Sand Demon Gaara."

"Well, that's pretty cool." Naruto grumbled feeling put off. "But if I have a cult I need to call give it a name. And maybe find more members. I can't let Sasuke's cult be bigger than mine." Naruto was completely ignoring the fact that if went by numbers his cult was already larger than the known members of the cult of Jashin.

Fortunately for Naruto, this might as well have been the Great Awakening.

"Naruto-sama." Said ninja jumped and found himself facing someone rather familiar.

"Oh hi Haku!" Naruto smiled. "So they decided you were safe enough to let outside?"

"Yes, I currently have no immediate plans that will effectively end my life." Haku admitted in a somewhat sad tone. Naruto bit his tongue before he could blurt out the question he still wanted an answer to. It was honestly quite a rude inquiry to ask.

"That's good. So what do you want?" Naruto asked as Ayame moved to another customer who had just arrived.

"Seeing as I am currently a tool with no master, I have decided that since you defeated me in fair combat that you will be my new master and my purpose in life." Haku announced.

For obvious reasons this was met with complete silence. Naruto twitched, when he had mentioned wanting new minions, this had not been what he meant. Although with Haku around he could make sure they didn't have a relapse and try killing themself. Although this situation did bring up an earlier point he had been explaining to his brother.

"Hey Gaara do you remember what I said about people I punch stalking me…"

* * *

 _Sakura POV, Konoha…_

The schizophrenic had gotten away from her, this put Missy in a rather poor mood.

The puppet wielding boy had used a particularly interesting hand puppet singing a song about ticking noises to distract her as he made his escape. She honestly had no idea how he did that considering the puppet had still been cheerfully singing his song long after his puppeteer had left. Nevertheless she wrote the whole event down in her field journal and decided to figure out what to do with the rest of the day.

Normally she would either go about studying medical techniques, Jutsu and Civilian methods alike. Or trying to save something that was dying just to prove she could. Or possibly she could try to break into the hospital and get people to listen to her. Seriously, it was like the doctors there had no idea how to properly treat their patients! Well except for that one guy named Hose or Mouse or something. Now he knew how to be a proper doctor!

But right now she was feeling rather put out about her newest patient getting away. What was she supposed to do now? Just settle for letting her new interest getaway!? What did the writer take her for?

True, she could look into her past intrigues again. Such as Uzumaki-san, Uchiha-san, Hatake-sensei or even that one girl she was convinced was secretly a sociopath (if only she could find some proof)!

However it just wasn't the same. She knew her teammates on a personal level now and honestly the other girl kind of scared her even if she refused to admit it anyone. Missy wanted to study something new and interesting!

Okay, sure there were other things she could look into like why she had multiple personality disorder, or why further investigate the matters revolving around her suspicions about her parents not sharing nearly as many traits with her as she once thought. But there was always time for doing those things later. The Suna team would only be here until the Chunin Exams were over! She had to act while she still had time!

If only she knew how to convince people to permanently obey her like Uzumaki-san and Uchiha-san could. Oh sure, she could walk into a room and immediately demand the ears and wills of everyone inside but it was only temporary, as soon as she was out of sight and out of mind everyone quickly forgot the respect she demanded.

It annoying honestly and she blamed her other personalities. Sakura was too obsessed with Sasuke. Inner was too obsessed with Sasuke as well as too vicious. Lucy was too timid, and well, the less that was said about Akuma, the better. She blamed Uzumaki-san's chakra for that one though. Things had been going just fine until that personality showed up and made everything so much more complicated!

Seriously, all the time they had spent trying to work out the schedule for who would control the body was completely wasted! By the time they had managed to get Akuma out of control the entire plan had been thrown off and people (or whatever the individual personalities could be called) had missed times!

This had ended in a massive migraine for all of them as they dealt with Akuma's tantrum about being separated from her "other half" for whom she seemed to have developed some sort of creepy brother complex. Not to mention when they had finally calmed her down to just sniffles they had to rework the schedule so that they could all get a turn, with the addition of Akuma into the mix.

Things had been going… okay so far. There were a few hiccups here and there, such as just earlier when Inner had come out to chase Naruto's minions after the leader had insulted her forehead. Missy supposed that was unavoidable considering Inner's very existence seemed to have evolved from earlier bullyings concerning that topic. Nevertheless she had retaken control of the body and planned to do something similar to Inner in retaliation when her turn came.

But alas, she beginning to get off of her original topic.

Now where had that make-up wearing, schizophrenic, puppeteer have gone? She had the home turf advantage but that may have also been a disadvantage in this situation, seeing as how her target had no knowledge of the Village or its numerous potential hiding places and was liable to just run around randomly until he thought he was safe.

The keyword there being "thought."

There would be nowhere to hide! There would be nowhere to run! She would find him and pick his mind apart until there was nothing left to learn! There would be-

"Hey Sakura-chan, can I ask a favor!?" Naruto's voice cut into her inner mantra.

And unfortunately brought a separate personality out of her psyche.

" **Naruto-nee-san!"** Akuma lunged at the blonde and wrapped her arms around him. She had missed him so much! All those mean voices in her head didn't want her to be with him!

"Umm, hi Akuma!" He said without using his demonic voice which (while she wouldn't admit it outloud) was almost as cool as her own!

"Naruto-sama, Isn't this the girl who held onto you the entire way to the village?" A semi-familiar voice cut in. Akuma shifted herself around her other half (without letting go of course) so she could see who was talking.

It was indeed the person who had come with them back to village. One of them anyway, she still couldn't tell if they were a boy or a girl. They didn't smell like a boy, but they didn't smell like a girl either. It was kind of weird. But, then again, who was she to judge other people's weirdness?

Wait did they just call the best other half in the world Naruto-sama?

" **Why'd you call him 'Naruto-sama'?"** Akuma asked in a slightly more threatening than usually tone.

"He is my new master seeing as I was lacking one." Haku (she thought that was her name anyway) explained to her.

" **Okay…"** Akuma trailed off wondering what to think or feel in this situation. While Haku did not seem to have any negative intentions towards her other half, there no such thing as being too careful. Nevertheless if her other half trusted them then she would give Haku the benefit of the doubt. For now at least.

"Anyway, Akuma, wanna join my cult?" Naruto asked her after a minute during which time she hugged herself tighter to him. He was so warm!

" **Since when do you have a cult?"** Akuma asked blankly, she didn't recall this coming up in conversation before.

"Since a year ago as it turns out. Gaara and I talked about it. Oh yeah, you haven't met him yet. He's the One-tailed Tanuki." Naruto rambled to her. His normal voice sounded kinda funny.

" **What does that make him to us?"** Akuma asked thinking for a moment.

"Well I guess he's my little brother but."

" **I always wanted a little brother!"** Akuma gushed and then attempted to drag Naruto away. **"Let's go meet him!"**

"So is that a yes to joining my cult? Because I kind of need some help with the name..."

Hours later, Missy would regain control of the body and after being quite put off for completely losing the trail of her newest patient she would wonder just why she felt like she had made some sort of horrible mistake.

* * *

 _General POV, Years ago…_

"Father! NOOOOO!" A four year old Baki screamed to the heavens as he wept over his father's corpse.

His father had just walked out of the house in order to go participate in the second shinobi world war but as soon as he had crossed the threshold a loose brick from the roof had fallen and hit his father on the head. This brick had been large enough and fallen with just enough force to kill his father instantly.

It was a shame too, this meant he would not be able to swear vengeance on his father's killer like all his friends did after their fathers were killed in the war.

* * *

 _A few years later…_

A slightly older Baki cried at his mother's funeral.

It was yet another tragic accident. His mother had opened the door in order to go to the market but as soon as she had made to leave a loose fruit cart had rolled down the road and through the door, running his mother down. The fact was made worse by the fact that it was his birthday.

The now orphaned Baki would be forced to live at an orphanage. The door to his bunk room however had a creaky hinge that would constantly keep him awake in the middle of the night whenever someone got up to go to the bathroom. He did not know it at the time but this would slowly wear away at his psyche and begin to develop into something… something more.

* * *

 _Years later…_

A now teenage Baki could only watch in horror alongside his teammate as their third member was decapitated as soon as he attempted to go through the doorway into the building they had been investigating for a mission. He had to hold back the bile in his throat as the severed head of Unnamed Suna Genin #31 rolled towards him, the look of mild shock frozen on her face.

Their sensei, after swearing up a storm, had them go around the building to the back door in order to make a sneak attack on the bandits that had killed their teammate.

But as Unnamed Suna Jounin #15 stepped over the threshold of the back entrance a bucket of acid, which had been triggered by an invisible pressure plate, fell upon his head. Baki was unfortunately close enough for some of the acid to splash onto him and hit the left side of his face scarring it horribly. From that day onward Baki would wear a veil over that side of his face.

On a side note, that was the night Rasa learned that he had the Magnet Release which he used to completely annihilate the building and everyone inside of it.

While justice had been served both boys felt hollow.

* * *

 _Many Years Later…_

The final straw for doors came when Baki's only remaining family member, his cousin, left his house only for a brick to fall and kill him in a very similar manner to his father.

From that day forth Baki swore that all doors were evil, and since they were a necessary evil they would have to appeased in order to survive day to day life.

So he went to Rasa who had recently become Kazekage and after much discussion the two decided to perform a cult that would perform rituals that would appease the evil of doors. They named it Doa wa Jaakudesu. It seemed to be a fitting name.

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, Konoha, Present Time…_

"I will be completely honest, that is the most absurd thing I have ever heard." Kakashi told Unnamed Suna Jounin #27.

"Believe it or not, it's the truth." Unnamed Suna Jounin #27 snapped at him. "It's all very traumatic and upsetting. I personally am thankful that Kazekage-sama and Baki-san protect us from the evils of doors."

Kakashi just stared at the other Jounin. "That's stupid. You're stupid. Stop being so stupid!" Normally the Copycat ninja would not have snapped like that but recent times had been trying. He was just thankful he had managed to get all his genin the Chunin exam forms. With any luck they would either pass the exam, or die trying. Heck he was even willing to settle for one or three of them losing an eye!

...and he was back to fantasizing about his students losing eyes again. Kami damnit.

Smashing glass caught his attention and he turned to it's source only to find Baki glaring at him with his one good eye. Finally a man he could respect on even terms.

"A thousand curses upon you Hatake!" Baki announced pointing dramatically. "May you never pass safely under a doorway until you realize the error of your ways!" Kakashi could have sworn he heard thunder clap dramatically in the background.

This event had quieted the entire bar who were now staring at the two jounin.

"Well, my team is crazy enough, I don't need to be influenced by anymore here." Kakashi announced and stood up, walking towards the door. "Have fun with your insanity!" He called back towards Baki. Fellow cyclops or not, the man was clearly insane.

But as he was about to step through the door, all his well trained sense began screaming at him to get out of the way. So he listened and leapt backwards even as an _honest to kami boulder_ , rolled right over where he was about to step.

"As it is said, as it is written!" Baki declared from behind him.

"Written where?" Kakashi asked him mockingly, even as he tried to rationalize what just happened. "That was just a coincidence, nothing more."

"Well then, why don't you try again." Baki said with a dangerous smile on his face.

"I don't have to take this." Kakashi decided and walked back to the bar. "I'm going to have another drink."

"As it is said, as it is written." He heard Baki mutter through the now completely silent bar.

"Oh shut up."

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, Academy…_

"So you're telling me that you started a cult, Akuma joined it, and by extension so did her other personalities, and apparently Kakashi was cursed by another cult?" Sasuke asked for clarification.

"Yeah, it's like I didn't just take the time to explain it to you and you're repeating it for the benefit of some unknown third party." Naruto snorted.

"Don't be stupid Naruto." Sasuke told him as Team 7 walked through the main hall of the Academy and towards the staircase. He was somewhat annoyed that the dobe's new cult had more members than his but that just meant he had to step up his game. He had to target the youth of the world and convert them so one day they could rule it!

Temari had been a partial success thus far and he was still working on it. He had no doubt she would become a worthy Jashinist with a bit more work. Disciple was also doing well at the academy and he wondered if that odd emotion he felt for the younger boy was pride, in someone else for once.

He idly wondered if That Man had ever felt like that before going insane. Or if he had been like that the entire time.

"Well, I think this has the makings of being a very interesting Chunin Exam." Missy commented thoughtfully.

"I don't think that's a good thing." Sasuke muttered.

* * *

 **And that's the end of this chapter folks, I hope you enjoyed!**

 **I'll be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to do Orochimaru and Kabuto. I have plans for certain other characters who for now will remain nameless, but I want to mess with the personalities of those two without completely butchering their characters.**

 **I'll have to figure out how to do that when I get there.**

 **Anyway, let's do reviews!**

 **Dloold87 : Sorry I didn't have much about Temari this chapter, we'll see her plenty in the next one though!**

 **Thecreatorofpolides: There is going to be one now, that's for sure.**

 **Guest: Two reasons, one: Haku knows Zabuza probably wouldn't say something like that and if he did how would Inoichi know? Two: shush, logic has no place here.**

 **Suzululu4moe: Yeah, I think of team 7 only Sakura is trauma free. Canonically anyway :D**

 **Setokayba2n: In order? Yes, probably, yes, probably not. So you did get the answers, kind of anyway.**

 **Duskrider: Leaf adopted the insanity, but others were born into it, molded by it. By the time they saw the sane world it was nothing but MADNESS.**

 **Foxy-Floof: I happy to have helped make your day a little brighter!**

 **Mio: Yeah, I had fun with the Sand Siblings.**

 **YuukiAsuna-Chan: Okay, how is Sakura annoying? What traits make her annoying? How do they make her annoying? I don't mind criticism and in fact encourage it, but I need details if you want it to mean anything.**

 **Coru 32: Happy to have helped friend!**

 **MT's Souless6: Yep!**

 **Sagar husain: I'm happy you thought so!**

 **125b: I do try!**

 **That's all for now folks.**

 **For next week I'm trying to decide between finally getting some of the other ideas i have posted in a drabble series or to try something completely different that involves a certain set of scrolls.**

 **Until then, see ya!**

 **~FriTik**


	9. The Exams Commence!

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Sakura: is solving the questions honestly.**

 **Sasuke: is cheating scandalously**

 **Naruto: is making it up as he goes along.**

 **Kakashi: is starting to wonder if there's something to that curse...**

 **Fun fact: the Orochimaru scene from chapter 6 was originally supposed to be part of a special chapter called the Sannin Idiots, but I scrapped that idea, I will see if I can incorporate the other parts as to not let them go to waste.**

 **I think I'll might add a fun fact every chapter from now on, it sounds like a fun idea.**

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, Konoha, Moments after the Previous Chapter ended…_

To be honest, Sasuke had never particularly enjoyed the academy, and was not exactly pleased to be walking its halls once more. Even if it was for the Chunin Exams, which, to be honest, he was not particularly interested in. They had just become Genin roughly six months ago, this seemed a bit early to be attempting to get a promotion.

While it may seem a little odd that he had no interest in becoming a Chunin yet, he really didn't. To be honest the only reasons he was a shinobi in the first place was to kill That Man, and to have a plethora of sacrifices to make to Jashin-sama. Any other bonuses like the free reasonably adept healthcare were just encouragement to keep the job.

Quite frankly, the only reason he had decided to go through with this, was because becoming a chunin would allow him to take more dangerous missions, not to mention the numerous opponents he would be able to sacrifice to Jashin-sama during the test. Not to mention that if Temari, (whom he was still trying to properly convert but she was skeptical), was a potential cultist, then who knew how many other lost souls would be willing to join him and follow the Lord of Destruction?

The only troublesome part of it, would be recruiting them before Naruto scooped them up for his own cult, which was kind of ticking Sasuke off. Seriously, he was part of a cult for years and now Naruto does it for a few days and he has more followers already! Was the idiot that upset that Sasuke wouldn't let him join the cult of Jashin because he was an immortal demon and everyone knew that demons had cults formed around them, not the other way around.

Although thinking about it more thoroughly, it was incredibly unlikely that Naruto would have waited roughly four years just to start his own cult, just to one up Sasuke, the dobe had his intelligent moments but deep and thorough long term plans had never been his strong point. Or any point at all on the spectrum really.

Back to the point of returning to the Academy, Sasuke had felt he had never reached his true potential here and he blamed the curriculum for that. If there had been less theory and tests and more practical teachings he had no doubt that he would be leagues beyond his current abilities at the time of graduation. He was of course, completely ignoring the fact that despite these thoughts he had managed to graduate with the best grades in everything except for seals and the stuff involving first aid.

Not to mention the halls of the academy seemed rather oppressive, like those of a prison, where the inmates were only allowed out into the yard for a brief time everyday. The rest of the time was spent doing what Naruto and numerous of his other male classmates referred to as "torture." He had never thought it was _that_ bad but if the village resident demon that had to go through the courses called it torture, there was probably something wrong with it.

Hopefully the Chunin Exams would be significantly different than the Academy.

Fortunately, his hopes were confirmed within minutes of their entrance into the building. Or perhaps the better way to put it were that the Chunin Exams proved to be different, but not in the way he had been hoping for, whatsoever.

It all started when they went to the second floor and noticed the Genjutsu.

"Why is there a Genjutsu here?" Naruto asked, not that he had noticed it, but he had been told about it after his teammates noticed it.

"Probably to get rid of the people too stupid to figure things out. I mean this is the second floor for Kami's sake, the people here don't even know how to count stairs evidently." Missy commented with disinterest.

As Sasuke watched a particular odd looking genin who was wearing a green jumpsuit (more on _him_ later), a thought occurred to him.

"Say, if these people are too stupid to notice a simple Genjutsu, then it goes to reason that they don't really matter that much in the big picture right?" Sasuke asked rater brazenly to his teammates, thankfully they were still standing far enough away that no one heard him.

"That seems a bit elitist but I'm sure none of them will ever amount to anything more than side characters, especially that one girl with the buns in her hair." Missy said thoughtfully.

"You know it's mean to assume just because people are stupid they don't matter." Naruto said defensively.

"Yeah, well you're an immortal demon, you aren't included when I say 'people.'" Sasuke told the nine-tailed demon fox in human form.

"Well that's just racist." Naruto muttered even as Sasuke put his diabolical plan to get more sacrifices without concern for their loved ones coming after him and seeking vengeance, into action.

"You can drop the Genjutsu now!" Sasuke called to the two people guarding the door. Maybe it was a bit brazen of him but it certainly got the point across. Now all the stupid ones would be angry that he had upstaged them and make him a target, only for them to be sacrificed to the glorious Jashin-sama instead! It was all he could do to keep himself from grinning, just thinking about all the blood he would soon get to spill.

There was much grumbling as the situation was sorted and the participants slowly filtered up to the next floor and the actual exam.

Which was when the weirdo in the green jumpsuit and bushy eyebrows asked Missy on a date.

"I'm going to have to say no, I already have two crushes I don't care about and I don't need a third." Missy said dismissively. The green guy was obviously confused at that statement but then proceeded to challenge Sasuke to fight, which he repeatedly refused. Honestly, he was about to enter the exam and he needed his strength.

Of course, the green guy, who had introduced himself as Rock Lee, was offended by Sasuke's refusal to fight him, and seemed to have a complete lack of understanding that he was just saving his energy for the fights that actually mattered. Instead he seemed convinced that he was just some stick in the mud that thought he was "too good" to fight a true genius of hard work.

Sasuke had to admit, at that point he wanted to punch him out of principle. He didn't _actually_ do it, but still.

Honestly, the only one who was enjoying the exams so far, was Naruto. And that was just because he thought the entire mess was hilarious.

* * *

 _Sakura POV, A few minutes later…_

It had been fairly amusing watching Uchiha-san trying to calm down the "Blue beast of Konoha", which was a somewhat deceitful claim considering the fact he was wearing almost completely green.

But seriously as to the whole asking her to date him, what the heck? So what if she had two or three personalities who decided they liked defining themselves by obsessing over boys? And quite frankly, that was really debatable how much they actually liked the boys and/or boy. It was more like they loved the idea of them.

Missy was working on dealing with them, and she would have plenty of time to do it during the first part of these exams, which she was fairly certain her team might need to push the alter ego in charge of the body during. Considering it was Lucy who would be running the body and while the girl was smart, she was definitely not a people person. In fact Missy had theorized in the past that if Lucy could get over her social anxiety she could possibly surpass all the other versions of herself.

Well, she had about twenty minutes or so before it was Lucy's turn to take over the body. So she might as well scout out the competition and offer her two cents in before she went back into the mindscape. Maybe she could take a break and try and figure out how the heck she had multiple personalities and who stuck the seal on her forehead.

Come to think of it, she could probably blame whoever put the seal on her forehead in the first place for all the bullying she experienced growing up. Maybe, but it probably kept her forehead a certain size so it could fit there in all its sealing glory. Not that she or anyone else for that matter could see it most of the time. Which she was still trying to figure out because no could research it, not even her demonic seal master teammate, without actually seeing what it looked like in the first place.

When Uchiha-san finally managed to slink away from Lee and catch up with her and Uzumaki-san. He looked more than a little frustrated. Which was understandable really, not that she really cared, it was just funny to see the religious sociopath in such a state. That was funny "haha" not funny strange.

What was funny strange was the state their teacher was in when the found him just outside of the room that they were supposed to go into for the exam.

Hatake-sensei looked more than a little disheveled. And his visible eye kept glancing around, particularly at any doorway that happened to be in view. If that was not odd enough, there was also a hole in the wall that was roughly the size and shape for their sensei to fit through, not to mention his clothes appeared to have bits of plaster clinging to them.

Very peculiar indeed.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Uzumaki-san inquired tentatively and took a step back when the elite jounin who had faced the nearest equivalent of hell the world had ever seen, actually flinched at the voice of his student. Admittedly, Missy mused, it was his only demon student but still, he had never reacted like that before.

"Oh, hello my little students." Hatake-sensei seemed to relax just the smallest amount. His posture still was tight and his eye only momentarily focused on them each in turn before looking at the doors again. "I see you all decided to show up! Wonderful! I wasn't sure if Missy would be in control of the body or if she would just hide the information to spite me or her other selves." He eye smiled and began acting as though nothing was wrong and everything was normal.

"Well, I'm not that petty sensei." Missy defended herself, "If I was feeling spiteful I'd look into your files and find out all the juicy stories that got you that special eye of yours." She smiled at him, it was all teeth.

"And I'm certainly glad you didn't do that!" Hatake-sensei said cheerfully, before continuing. "Now then if you all could just head inside, I won't have to deal with you for the next…" He hummed as he thought about it. "Well, for however long this exam takes, and if you just so happen to be promoted well then I guess I won't have to deal with you anymore, huh?" He chuckled cheerfully. "That thought never crossed my mind before now."

"Glad you have so much faith in us." Uzumaki-san muttered darkly.

"Mmm-hmm, have fun during the exam, and try not to die too much." Hatake-sensei said and then began walking through the nearest door.

He had not taken so much as a step over the threshold when the floor collapsed beneath him.

Missy immediately moved with Uzumaki-san coming after her to see if he could help in any way most likely. Not that he could really, the nine tails in human form did not know the first thing about first aid, never mind anything more advanced.

But of course, the concern was unwarranted as Hatake-sensei had just shunshined out of the way of the collapse before he could tumble onto the lower floor.

"I'm just going to take the wall again." He muttered from the other side of the gap. "You three just get to the exam. Maybe we'll talk later." He waved goodbye and in another shunshin, vanished into leaves.

"He gets stranger every time I see him." Uzumaki-san muttered as he squinted and lazily swung his arms behind his head. He walked towards the door even as Missy debated trying to chase after her sensei and attempt to psychoanalyze him. It probably wouldn't work but at the very least it would probably annoy him which was good enough for her.

She shook herself, it didn't matter she wanted to get a good look at the competition before she had to switch to Lucy. Which come to think of it was a very strange name. She thought it must have come from one of the books that she had read in the past but she had no idea which. Probably something foreign that had been translated.

As the team walked through the door into the exam room they were met with a tense silence. It was no surprise really, people died in these exams and it was safe to say almost everyone here wanted to at least try to make chunin. It was unlikely many of them would actually manage it but that didn't mean that they weren't going to try. She included herself and her teammates among them as well. Although they were a rookie team which was odd to say the least, it was almost like Hatake-sensei didn't like them or something!

The silence was soon broken by a loud boisterous voice that she had come to expect from her blonde teammate. But it wasn't the demon's voice but rather one she remembered from her academy days.

If she was correct it was that Kiba. She had long ago decided he wasn't particularly interesting and if he ever did reach Jounin it would be because of his clan rather than his own power. Between the duo of Kiba and Akamaru she had decided that only one of them had any real skill in a fight and the other tended to walk on two legs.

It took her a moment to remember something important, if Kiba was here, then that would mean his team was also here, via correlation. And if his team was here, then that meant that _she_ was here as well. And if she was here…

Missy suddenly wondered if they had made the right choice in coming after all, and maybe it wasn't too late for them to leave. The exam hadn't officially started yet so maybe there was still time before-

She was cut off by Uzumaki-san getting into a metaphorical dick measuring contest with Kiba, causing her to scowl. Seriously what was it with boys and their primal need to show off around each other. In her own experience both of the boys on her team were more tolerable when they were by themselves.

Before she could say anything, she saw _her_.

Oh she looked innocent enough, that round little face, the cute short hair. But Missy could see straight through her. Those big soulless eyes spoke volumes about their owner's true intentions. She might seemed nice and kind, but behind that embarrassed stutter was a true monster the likes of which not even Uzumaki in his prime could hope to compare with.

She had to wonr her team, she had to get them out of the exams before it was too late, she had to-

Lucy blinked owlishly and then froze upon realizing she was surrounded by people. She had just gotten control of the body and things were already looking to go in a downward spiral.

As she got used to having motor control again she wondered why Missy had been staring at Hinata, she hoped they hadn't been having a conversation or anything, it would be so rude of her to interrupt.

But Hinata didn't say anything so she let herself breath in relief. That could have been embarrassing!

* * *

 _Naruto POV, Several Minutes Later…_

Because of course the first stage of the Chunin Exam would be a written test, because that was just his luck.

He glared at the paper in front of him willing it to set on fire. He wasn't actually putting any chakra into it as he felt given his abilities there was a fair chance of it _actually_ setting on fire, which might get him disqualified, maybe. Really the explanation on how you got kicked out of the exam were a bit vague in certain areas.

Seriously, the way they put it, there was a possibility that he could just stand up, take someone else's paper and walk back to his seat, and only use a trivial amount of points, allowing them to make it through the first stage and into the next one, whatever that might be.

Naruto at first decided to try reading the questions and answer them properly but quickly realized he was way out of his league.

Then the quiet and kinda weird girl next to him, Hinata, offered to let him cheat using her answers. He refused on principles but thanked her anyway. She may be weird but she was still pretty nice.

So when faced with impossible answers, Naruto just started doodling sealing arrays on the test sheet and hoped maybe he got lucky. Even if he didn't maybe he could just bullshit his way into the next test or something?

Yeah that seemed like a pretty good idea. And it didn't all have to be bullshit either, he could add some stuff about not giving up in and presto, insta speech!

He wondered how his teammates were doing, because if they weren't going to pull their own weight there was no way he was just going to bail them out. Or maybe he would, it wouldn't look good for him as the Kyuubi no Youko if his teammates got him kicked out of the exams, he was sure Gaara's teammates wouldn't get him kicked out.

Whatever, Naruto would deal with it one way or another, believe it!

* * *

 _Sasuke POV, Same Time…_

Sasuke barely managed to keep the grin from plastering itself on his face as he used his Sharingan to follow the movements of one of the other test takers. With this cheating method he was sure to pass the exam! Everything was going perfectly according to the plan that he had made up and not told anyone!

He was a bit concerned because nothing had gone wrong yet, and normally something always went wrong in genius level plans of unstoppable proportions.

Actually, come to think of it he was wondering how none of the test proctors had deducted any points from him for cheating. Seriously it wasn't like the glowing red eyes of his Sharingan were hard to see or anything. Yet nobody seemed to notice!

Oh well, who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth?

* * *

 _Sakura POV, Same Time…_

Lucy cheerfully hummed to herself as she finished off another question.

All these questions were so easy! How come there was so much concern about people cheating when the problems were this easy to solve! You would think the proctors would have come up with something a bit more difficult for potential chunin.

Seriously, who didn't know how to calculate the velocity of a kunai weighing fifty grams with an acceleration of ten m/s2 after factoring in the force of gravity?

* * *

 **I'm going to end it there. For multiple reasons, none of which I feel like explaining.**

 **I will, however, say that this chapter was meant to come out three or four weeks ago. But I kept getting stuck on the Sasuke part of the chapter. So I finally got this out. I'm sure some of you are mad for Naruto barely having a part in this chapter and to them I say, I really didn't have much for him to do. Really. Believe it.**

 **Side note, I went digging through some old Naruto fanfics for shits and giggles and holy light there are so many unfinished stories that had so much potential. Honestly the older ones are kind of better than newer ones because they were based on how Naruto used to work, with thought and strategy and tactics rather than who can throw the biggest jutsu.**

 **Maybe I should start recommending older stories. Let me know what you think of that in the reviews.**

 **Speaking of reviews, let's go over the last chapter's collection, shall we?!**

 **ShotoGun: Don't worry, I plan to do just that!**

 **Setokayba2m: Interesting idea with Kabuto but I feel like that could go the wrong way. As to the cult idea I feel like that joke had run it's course and I don't want it to become too big a factor in the rest of the story, apart from Sasuke's cult that is.**

 **Suzululu4moe: Yeah, I'm kicking myself, I don't know how I missed the neechan thing. I think I accidently had Naruto call Ayame nii in another story. I really need to go back and fix errors like that.**

 **YoungDemoness: That's a good idea with Hidan, but I already had one in mind, maybe I'll try to implement it or I might make it an omake!**

 **Dloold87: Maybe you can take it, but I can't. Really I'm just glad I made it past the Wave Mission. The place where fanfics go to die.**

 **Moonrace BunBun: Glad you think so!**

 **Mio: That sounds so messed up I'm going to see what I can do with it! And there certainly are enough Sound nin for one to join the cults one way or another.**

 **Jun Wu Xie X Jun Wu Yao Lover: Happy to hear!**

 **TheSuperMario: That basically sums things up, but Kakashi a bit different and maybe Hiruzen too. I just realized I haven't mentioned the "Will of Fire" once in this entire story.**

 **Ann: Thank you for being the first person to actually write some non-flaming criticism, seriously. And you make some good points, I never considered how one dimensional Sakura's personalities might be due to how little "screen time" they get. My defense is that none of them are an entire human mind and just fractions of one, it was an experimental seal after all. But I will see what I can do to develop them. As for Sakura having three personalities that define themselves with boys, I want to point out that I already said the "Sakura" and "Inner" personalities were cannon!Sakura at the core and back in early Naruto she really did define almost every action with Sasuke. I have already laid the groundwork to start breaking those two out of that mentality. As for Akuma, I wrote her like that because I thought it would be funny, and it is! But I'll see what I can do to develop her beyond that. Once again thanks for bringing up these issues!**

 **KidzRule: Oh stop, you're too much! (don't stop, feel free to keep complimenting me!)**

 **Vmage2: Thanks for pointing that out. As I said earlier I really should go back and fix mistakes like that.**

 **Lara5170: Welcome to the show, stay as long as you want!**

 **YugiKittens: Doors are for the weak!**

 **That's all for this chapter folks, next week will probably be Lightman Legacy as that hasn't been updated since July, then it should be Gone Ghost and after that well…**

 **Maybe it's finally time to go back to where I began.**

 **Until next we meet! Farewell!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	10. The Forest OF DEATH

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Kakashi: Is having a bad time.**

 **Sasuke: Is having the time of his life.**

 **Naruto: Is having fun making new friends!**

 **Sakura: Thinks the second exam proctor is awesome!**

 **Fun Fact: In the original Pilot for Naruto, he actually was a demon fox living his life as a human boy! Rather than Hokage there was the Village Chief and in order to use his powers, Naruto needed to put a fishcake on his forehead!**

* * *

 _Academy, Chunin Exams Phase 1, General POV…_

As the first phase of the Chunin Exams continued, more and more people began to drop out for cheating. Usually cheating quite stupidly using perhaps the most cliched methods ever devised by man or god.

For instance there was the classic, "I fell out of my seat" method of cheating. This clever technique was used by Unnamed Suna Genin #17, a grand total of 5 times, which unfortunately was enough to get her and her team kicked out of the test. Still, she must be given credit for her very imaginative ways of falling out of her seat. Be it a false heart attack, claiming to be practicing for her role as Juliet in the upcoming show at Sandy's Grand Theatre, and perhaps the all around favorite, "my chair lost its balance."

Another classic method, the "I have to go to the bathroom" trick. Someone actually managed to succeed in this method, Kankuro of the Sand. But despite his success using his puppeteering skills, (even if the proctors noticed it was clever enough for a genin that they let it slide). Of course everyone else who tried it screwed up horribly and were almost unanimously removed from the first phase of the Exam along with any given members of their team.

But then while there were people attempting (and usually failing) to cheat in the classical art style, there were others who were going for a more modern or original style in order to achieve their goals and move their team onto the next portion of the exam.

For starters Gaara, the so called One Tailed Sand Spirit and/or Demon (depending on when or who you asked), was using a very curious technique to create an eyeball made out of sand that would allow him to cheat by floating it around the room Which while odd was certainly original and he was doing a fairly good job of hiding it. Although the proctors who did manage to notice it had to wonder exactly how he was able to see with it considering it was made of _sand_ and should have no ocular capabilities whatsoever.

Then there were those who actually had an ocular based bloodline. Namely, the Sharingan and the Byakugan. Only one sharingan was in attendance, but the wielder was making good use of it by copying the actions of other test takers. Of course this was only useful at certain times because everyone was working at a different pace and had their paper's positioned slightly different and Sasuke would not be able to know the difference because he was just copying the movements of the hands. The two Hyuuga's taking the exam were having completely different problems, mostly due to the fact that while their eyes could see everything in the room, they could see _everything_ in the room. Including what was underneath layers of clothing.

There was a reason Hyuuga tended to only focus on chakra coils during combat.

Beyond those methods of cheating everyone else was either finding their own methods of doing so, or in the case of a few such as Sakura/Lucy, Kabuto and of course, Unnamed Suna Genin #21 they were answering the questions legitimately! But apart from them the only other oddball was Naruto who was doodling on his paper because he was bored and didn't know any of the answers nor did he want to cheat, good demons did not break the rules so clearly given to them by the proctors.

But all things must come to an end and the first portion of the exam was no different in that respect. So it soon came time for Ibiki to announce, "Put your pencils down!"

Of course, after scaring most of the genin shitless at the beginning of the exam everyone immediately dropped their pencils even if they were not done with their test quite yet.

"It is now time for the tenth question." Ibiki continued, a vicious smirk crossed his features. "For the record, if you get this question wrong, you not only fail the exam…" He allowed that to sink in for a moment before finished, "...you and your team will also never be allowed to participate in another exam, ever!"

About half of the genin gasped in horror at the sudden announcement, the other half of the group just looked stupidly confused at it.

Ibiki's eye twitched in annoyance but clarified to make sure his point got across. "For the denser of you, that means that you'll be stuck as genin _forever_." Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled at the word forever. This was only managed to increase the overall fear, anger and general upset emotions, at the announcement. Then came the protests.

"You can't do that!"

"What gives you the right?!"

"Where did that thunder come from?!"

"Wait a second, there are people here who have taken the exam before!" Kiba shouted out displaying a rare moment of intelligence that was normally defaulted to Akamaru.

"Well, I wasn't the proctor at those exams, but I am for this one!" Ibiki shut down that line of thinking quickly. "But, since I'm such a nice guy." One of the chunin side characters without a name snorted. "I'll give you the chance to forfeit the exams and leave with your teams, if you do, you'll be able to make the attempt again at the next exam."

His words brought silence to the muttering room and many people glanced nervously at their teammates trying to wordlessly communicate and get a read on what their intentions were, even as they struggled with their own personal convictions.

"I give up!" One genin suddenly shouted,surging to his feet. "I can't deal with this!"

"Damnit you fool!" One of his teammates shouted. The other one remained silent but the look in her eye symbolized the kind of words she would be having with him at a more appropriate time.

This initial caving set off a metaphorical bomb as more and more genin suddenly gave into the pressure rather than risk never having the chance to advance in the ninja program for the rest of their lives and/or careers.

Lucy, who had been in control of the body since the exam started, was starting to feel the pressure, she figured that she would be able to answer the question correctly, but she wasn't sure about whether Naruto or Sasuke could do it.

If she did raise her hand, they could just wait for the next exams, assuming it didn't piss Sasuke off enough that he would try to sacrifice her for taking away his plethora of sacrifices and she would have to switch teams for her own safety. Of course, if he were to mess up the question then he still wouldn't get his sacrifices _and_ none of them would be able to make it past genin, which would suck. Seriously imagine being a kage level ninja that could fight _gods_ but remaining a genin? That would suck!

(In the canon universe, a certain main character sneezed)

But before she could further consider putting her hand up and surrendering, thus forcing Team Seven to wait another six months for the next exam and causing many things to change that actually would actually be a really good idea for a plotline- and the author is getting off topic. Before she could do that, Naruto slammed his hands on the desk in front of him and started up his speech that would allow him to bullshit his way to the next portion of the test.

Of course, it wasn't all bullshit, he firmly believed in several of the things that he preached. It really did take perseverance and belief in one's self in order to achieve things. Of course the thing about becoming the first genin to be Hokage was completely bullshit. Although it was kind of funny to think about, it was incredibly unrealistic.

With Naruto's speech concluded no one else was going to end up forfeiting the exams, which irked Ibiki to end. He silently seethed even as he began finishing up the first phase.

"Anyone else going to give up?" He was met with silence. "Well, in that case it's time for the tenth question." The head of T&I pushed just a bit more to see if he could milk out any stragglers who would crack at the edge. When no one spoke up he made a mental note to find a way to get revenge on the Uzumaki brat, maybe send Anko after him or something, but nevertheless he did his duty as exam proctor. "In that case, you all pass!"

* * *

 _Moments Later, Sakura/Lucy POV…_

Lucy, being the introvert that she, who prefered to stay alone if possible during her times controlling the body, didn't usually get too excited about anything unless it involved reading or creative writing. Of course her creative writing was not going very well because every time she started writing something she would start to see flaws everywhere and would trash it before it was finished.

So when she said the woman who was proctoring the second phase of the chunin exams, was awesome, she meant that she was _awesome_.

Not only had she made possibly the best entrance Lucy had ever laid eyes on, but her hair was purple, which was really cool. Although she did seem a bit shameless with her choice of clothing, but Lucy had read somewhere that some girls liked to make guys stare because then they could make fun of them for doing so. Of course, this was also dangerous because it could attract the more… unsavory sort of people. So normally only woman who could kick ass did it. Which certainly only helped Lucy's already growing opinion of her.

Lucy didn't admit this, even privately, but perhaps she might have been slightly envious of this Mitarashi Anko person. While Lucy was incredibly introverted compared to her other personalities, at times she wished she were able to go out and talk to people, and make a real difference in the world like the characters in her stories did.

Whatever the case may be, the only thing that mattered was that Anko was perhaps the coolest person Lucy had ever encountered. Which probably meant that the tokubetsu jounin would never even notice her.

Somewhat sullenly, Lucy returned home briefly to attempt to gather supplies. She wasn't sure exactly what the next test was going to entail, and she didn't have long before it started so she had to move quickly to gather everything she might need. This entailed everything from and extra pair of sandals to toilet paper. Why toilet paper? Because all she knew about the test was that it was going to some sort of survival challenge, and survival normally meant wilderness, and wilderness most commonly meant no creature comforts, which meant that if she didn't bring toilet paper, she was going to be stuck using leaves.

Yeah, thank you, but no thank you.

Arriving at the appointed meeting spot, just outside training ground 44, one she had never particularly heard much about which was surprising because she had once read a book outlining the numerous training grounds Konoha offered, it was more like a help guide come to think of it. All she could remember it saying about Training Ground 44 was a Hazard warning and that it should be avoided by genin teams and low ranked chunin.

The fact that the Chunin exams during which Genin were tested to become Chunin was taking in that training ground caused her more than a little concern.

But it was too late for her to back out now. She had held on through the mind breaking tenth question of the first phase and she was not going to back out now. Her team was counting on her! This was her chance to prove she was more than just an introverted bookworm!

At least Lucy hoped she would be able to. She knew very well that things were easier said than done. Believing she would be able to do it when push comes to shove was going to be a lot different when she was in this apparently deadly training ground with a bunch of child soldiers and who knows what else.

Most of the foreign teams were there already when she arrived, which was a bit intimidating, not to mention the fact that most of them were clearly far older than herself. Fortunately her own team was already there so she wasn't the only one in her age group. Well technically Naruto was older than all of them being an age old demon and everything but he couldn't remember most of it so it didn't matter too much.

Of course, the semi-comfort she got from being around people she knew (relatively) well was slightly offset by the fact that Naruto and Sasuke were clearly arguing about something. Seeing as she had walked into the conversation late, Lucy was quite confused about what they were talking about.

"...it's not hurting anything!" Naruto was… pouting? Yeah, pouting at Sasuke about whatever the issue was.

"Don't make friends with people who are about to be sacrificed! It doesn't serve a purpose unless you need a friend to sacrifice, which I have poor choice in apparently." Sasuke complained, adding in a specialized Uchiha Art: Sharingan Glare of Intimidation, for special effect.

Well that explained that, at least her teammates weren't worried about it. But that could be stupidity more than anything else.

Still, she found herself questioning their sensei's decision about entering the exam this early, or maybe she should be questioning her own decision in coming. Or Missy's decision anyway, she hadn't personally been in control of the body at the time.

The other remaining teams slowly filtered into the gathering as they waited for the announcement explaining what the exam was going to be. As time began to wear on, Lucy began to feel her nerves going. She nervously ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her eyes, wondering if each phase of the exam was going to be like this, proctors attempting to be as mentally damaging to the contenders as possible, trying to get them to quit.

Honestly, if it weren't so downright evil she might be impressed at their planning.

Any further second guessing of her strength of character was thankfully stopped when the awesome proctor from before started explaining the next part of the exam.

"Welcome to the site of Phase Two!" Anko called out with a devious smirk. The few quiet murmurs that had begun to spring up among the Genin teams that knew each other were quickly silenced. "Training Ground 44, better known as the Forest…" She trailed off for dramatic effect. "OF DEATH!"

Well, so much for not second guessing herself anymore.

* * *

 _A Few Hours Later, Inside the Forest of Death (Also Known as Training Ground 44, but honestly which sounds more intimidating? [seriously though, 44 is a very tough number…])..._

Akari Kirei was just your ordinary girl, or ordinary Ame Genin, but she was also drop dead gorgeous. She was _so_ clumsy, except for all forms of combat. Her teammates were also hopelessly in love with her, but were also very gay for eachother and made out all the time whenever she wanted them to.

Her teammates names were Shin and Shi. No relation. But they were both incredibly hot for teenage boys of course,although she was far more attracted to the members of Akatsuki who she wasn't supposed to know about but did and no one had killed her for knowing yet for some reason, probably because she was a cute and innocent teenage girl who was pure and good. Back on the topic of her teammates Shin had a bloodline that basically made him a Neko and Shi had a blood limit that had not been seen for generations, it also hadn't activated yet though so it would probably be important later.

But Kirei had a secret, she was actually the reincarnation of a girl from our world! Her name had been Mary Sue, and she had loved anime, especially characters like Akatsuki. Furthermore she had died tragically and been given a second chance in this world, where she was the secret love child of Konan and Yahiko who had been kidnapped at birth by Hanzo. She of course knew who her parents were but had never spoken to Konan because for some reason the plot demanded that it be kept secret until some unspoken time in the distant future.

She was so incredibly talented even her secret members among the Akatsuki who had gone out of their way to train her practically worshipped the potential she had. It was so great that she had to keep it sealed most of the time or else she would be in danger because all the threats of the world would be after her. Even though she could probably beat them all, the seals ensured she wouldn't have to deal with any of the problems in the first place.

As she was contemplating her plans to go through this second life and do things, her team, who only acted when she said they could, were caught completely unaware by a hail of kunai raining down on them.

Being the amazing prodigies they are who could never be killed so easily thanks to plot armor none of the kunai managed to injure any of them but did make them aware that they were being stalked and were (obviously) under attack.

"How did you miss!" Naruto shouted at Sasuke in mix of rage and disbelief. Lucy was just confused at the fact he had not hit a single target after catching them by surprise and Sasuke just appeared to be completely enraged at his failure.

"I don't know!" He snapped angrily at his demonic teammate. "I should've hit at least one of them!"

"Well, ya didn't, dattebayo." Naruto muttered looking annoyed even as their dangerously powerful opponents organized to fight back against them.

"There they are!" Shin (or maybe it was Shi? Does it really matter honestly?) "What's the big idea you dumb kids!"

"Do they know this is a test where we fight to the death?" Lucy asked with an eyebrow raised in astonishment.

"Who cares. Plan B! Idiot, do your thing!" Sasuke ordered already drawing his sword and using it block a trio of Shuriken that had been thrown at them. Jashin-sama's servant was practically shivering in anticipation. He hadn't been able to sacrifice anyone since Wave and he was going to enjoy this for as long as he could. Well, he was going to just keep sacrificing as many people as he could by staying in forest as long as he could get away with.

Naruto grumbled something about not being an idiot, but complied with Sasuke's demands. A wave of Killer Intent washed over the area as a cloak of red chakra wrapped around the contained fox demon.

"What the-" Shi/Shin (it was the one without the tail and ears [be honest how much do you guys really care about what happens to them?]) started asking in confusion. But Naruto tore through the forest like a weed wacker through dandelions. Splinters and leaves sprayed as he tore through branches, a feral snarl on his face.

Sasuke didn't wait for his demonic friend to finish and was already rushing towards the Kirei who he had rightly identified as the leader of the group.

Kirei was distracted of course by the fact that Uchiha Sasuke was coming towards. her , instantly a million fantasies burst into her head. Most of them included Itachi falling in love with her for protecting his brother or something related to that.

This gave Sasuke all the necessary time he needed to cut her cheek and draw some blood. An insane grin split the equally insane Uchiha's face.

Meanwhile Naruto was trying to start a conversation with Shin. It was not going well for either of them to be honest.

" **Are you a demon too? 'Cause you got a tail and ears and stuff. I wonder what I would look like if I had those in this form."** Naruto was chatting as though they were not currently fighting. If it could be called a fight that is.

"What the fuck are you?" The teenage yelled desperately trying to avoid the chakra enhanced claws that were tearing into century old trees as though they were soft butter.

Lucy was left dealing with the last member of the team, which was proving to be relatively equal in fighting capabilities. Compared to her other personalities she really did not have much of an arsenal, she was honestly mediocre in just about every form of combat she understood. But to be honest Inner and Akuma were by far the best versions of herself to have control during combat.

A small part of her said that she should allow one of them to take over for the fight as they had a far better chance of winning than she did. They knew how to fight, they weren't afraid to fight and they were _strong_.

But when she felt her kunai blade parried against the older boys, she realized something else. She was able to match him, he was older than her, bigger than her and she was matching his strength right now. Her initial confusion died almost immediately as she remembered the training that Inner and Missy had been putting their body through.

Different personalities, same body.

Which meant… she was strong too.

With renewed effort she pushed back against Shi and jabbed him in the gut slightly knocking the wind out of him. Despite the circumstances she felt a smile dance on her lips, and rushed forward again, kunai poised for striking.

* * *

 _Brief Several Minute Time Skip due to blood and gore that the author would like to apologize for and is debating changing the rating from T for Teen to M for Mature in order to avoid situations like this..._

"But why'd you have to kill him bastard? I wanted him to join my cult!" Naruto most certainly did not whine this despite how it may have sounded to surrounding ears.

Sasuke just grunted from his position on the ground, still in the midst of praying to Jashin-sama, and giving thanks for his gift. His sword was sticking out of his chest in a rather disturbing way. His skin was still inverted and tattooed with the skeletal markings. Shin was laying on the ground tail twitching with a large gash in his throat clearly stating how he met his untimely demise.

Kirei herself was on the ground bleeding out from a massive hole in her chest mirroring the position of Sasuke's sword in his own chest. She of course would never get a chance to transform the troubled souls of the Akatsuki into the good people she knew they could be, both winning their hearts and saving the world simultaneously. There would be no third chance for her in this world, and if there she was reincarnated in another universe may the lords of shadow have mercy on those poor souls.

Sasuke ecstasy finally wore off and he pushed himself up, having finished his prayer several minutes ago and simply waiting for the edge to wear itself down. His jagged sword still stuck out of his chest awkwardly, making movement somewhat difficult.

He glanced at Naruto who was sitting on a tree branch and kicking his legs absentmindedly. He might have looked like a normal kid if not for the fact his orange jumpsuit was once again stained red with blood. Deciding to forgo any comments on Naruto trying to make friends with the people he was sacrificing he instead asked. "What scroll did they have?"

"Another Heaven" he emphasized this by waving it absentmindedly. "We still need an Earth scroll if we want to get to the tower."

"The forest is full of people to sacrifice." Sasuke pointed out biting back a moan as he felt his sword slip out of his chest. "We have five days and plenty of targets, we'll get a scroll." A thought occurred as he stood up and gave himself a shake to ease the tightness in his still wounded chest. "Where's Lucy?"

Naruto jabbed a thumb at the girl who had finally stopped stabbing Shi. She was breathing heavily and looking at her blood covered hands with blank eyes, clearly processing just what she had done.

"Is she ok-" Sasuke started asking but was cut off by a shout from the bookworm.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" She cheered throwing her arms in the air. And then reality caught up to her and she covered her mouth and blushed bright red. "I-I mean-"

"Huh, what do you know, it _is_ always the quiet ones." Another voice cut in causing the members of team seven to look around and spot a Kunoichi with a Kuso headband. "Oh, hello, nice to meet you." She greeted them waving and smiling disarmingly. "I just need a body from one of you and I'm not sure which one I want anymore… can I have all of you?"

"Dobe, what did I tell you about punching people!" Sasuke snapped.

"I've never even seen her before!" Naruto defended himself.

Lucy said nothing but was wondering if she missed something.

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, Ichiraku Ramen…_

Kakashi was thankful to have finally found a place to eat that didn't have a proper door that he would be forced to walk through. It was really getting quite irritating and believe it or not he was actually debating whether he should consider apologizing to that clearly insane Suna Jounin. He was Hatake Kakashi, the Copycat Ninja! He didn't just apologize to people!

Well he did, but not seriously apologize with actually meaning behind it!

But the door problem was making life incredibly difficult even for a ninja of his caliber. He couldn't even just use the Shunshin because it was technically a speed technique not a teleportation technique, so he still went through the doors!

Really the only bright side was no he had a legitimate excuse to be late.

Now if only he could convince Gai his absence from the Jounin lounge was not because he had embraced the joys of hard work and was training at all hours of the day while his team was taking the Exams.

* * *

 **And that's the end folks!**

 **Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, it was supposed to come out last week but between College Applications, Driving Practice, SAT retakes and Blizzcon, I haven't been able to sit down and properly focus on this.**

 **But I got it done eventually, so that's what really matters!**

 **For those of you confused about Akira Kirei and her team, she honestly does not matter. That was me taking a piss on Mary Sue cliche stories where they're super powerful and the Akatsuki are falling head over heels for them. Honestly, what the heck is wrong with you people? They're S-class criminals for a reason, they will fucking murder you if you try and pull the shit you do in those stories.**

 **And last time I mentioned I would post older Naruto stories and here's the first one on that list.**

 **Title: Nin Tech**

 **Last Update: Sep 26, 2010**

 **My description: Honestly, this one isn't for everyone but I enjoyed it immensely. In it Naruto accidentally finds a lost ninja art that leads to him becoming a mad scientist with plans of taking over the world. Add in an amusing crush on a Weapon Mistress in training, an army of Mini-Naruto Robots and LASERS, and you've got yourself a great story!**

 **Moving on, reviews!**

 **Master Kancer of Dank: To be fair, the name on the Toad Summoning Contract translated to Arashi so that's where people got the name from. And their are a few good ones out there. You just have to keep your fingers crossed!**

 **Daimahou: Force of habit from one of my earlier stories that just stuck with me. It also helps me keep track of things while I'm writing it and allow me to move sections around if need be.**

 **Hanmac : Glad to hear you like them and Anko wouldn't really be flirting, just creeping him out. Seriously, he's twelve.**

 **Mel72000 : Sorry about the inferiority complex, but you're welcome for the chapter!**

 **Setokayba2n : That is a great idea and I am going to abuse the heck out of it. Thank you very much!**

 **Sagar hussain : I do try!**

 **Mio : Hinata will be explained soonish, as for joining Naruto's cult not so much. She has other plans. Kakashi will be sorted out eventually. And I didn't have too much written for the Sannin thing so I'm just going to incorporate each part into this story.**

 **Suzululu4moe : Yes, Kakashi's misfortune is amusing. But all good things must come to end (eventually)**

 **Guest : You don't seem to be the only one with that opinion…**

 **TomorowsHerald : I prefer the Kazakhstan National Anthem from Borat. But I'll be sure to look into it when I get time! **

**Lara5170 : Perhaps, wait and find out!**

 **August10045 : Yeah you should never tempt Murphy, he's out to get revenge.**

 **Sesshomarurules01862 : I plan to!**

 **Colshan : He's a member of the cult of Jashin, fucked up is in the job description.**

 **Coru 32: My work will never cease until I do! And then it will have three weeks notice!**

 **That's all for now folks, next week's update will be either Gone Ghost, Son Siblings, or Master Thief.**

 **See ya'll next time!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


	11. Suddenly, PLOT!

**Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?**

 **Sasuke: is so pissed right now**

 **Sakura: is so confused right now**

 **Kakashi: is so scary right now**

 **Naruto: is just trying to keep it together really**

 **Fun fact: There is an AU version of this story called Mirror Idiots that never made it past the first third of the first chapter. Most of it was written by a friend of mine after I told them about this idea and we tried to hash out some details. Perhaps it will be posted someday…**

* * *

 _Orochimaru POV, Forest of Death…_

Orochimaru felt comfortable in claiming that he was having a good day. Well if he actually had anyone to talk about such trivial things to that is.

He used to be able to talk to Jiraiya about things like that. Even if he was an idiot he could be good for casual conversation, that is if you get him away from his peeping and porn. Unfortunately talking to him was no longer an option, came with the territory of being a missing-nin.

Poor side effects aside, becoming a missing-nin had been one of the best decisions he had ever made. Oh, there had been the occasional hunter squad for the first few months before he managed to properly hide his trail and recently Jiraiya had been coming a bit too close for comfort.

But apart from those tiny problems life as a missing-nin had been great for him, especially once he had started his own village, he no longer had to deal with the pesky laws that protected "the common welfare" and "morals" and all of those annoyances. He could experiment to his heart's content and push the limits of neutral science to their limits!

So life in general was pretty good, even if he sometimes thought he might have forgotten something important back in Konoha, but if it was so important he probably wouldn't have forgotten it.

But having a good life was only the lead up to the very good day he was having, it had started out normal enough, with him killing a Genin team and taking their places in the exam, all three of them. It was easy enough to tear off the faces of three corpses and create a few clones to wear said faces alongside himself.

It had been vaguely nostalgic being in his old village and taking the Chunin exams to boot. Even if he had only taken them once himself, he was a sanin after all, they only _needed_ to take them once. He had never actually proctored any exams himself, he was far too busy fighting wars and doing dubious experiments to waste his time doing something so trivial as helping the next generation come into their own.

But what really made his day was seeing the potential available to him, potential ripe for the kidnapping and brainwashing! He hypothesized that it was what it must feel like to be a kid in a candy store!

His original target had just been Sasuke, Itachi's younger and currently less impressive brother. It was a necessary change in tactics unfortunately. Orochimaru could probably handle just Itachi if he had proper planning time and managed to catch the younger ninja by surprise. But with Itachi being a member of Akatsuki and himself already on the organizations blacklist after his last attempt so obviously he didn't want to push his luck.

So that meant Sasuke was his focus, one pair of natural and activated Sharingan ripe for the body-stealing. That had been the plan at least, he had done a bit of prior research and sneaked into the exams. But then he had actually started observing the team and he had been pleasantly surprised by what he found.

Sasuke had decided to delve into that odd religion that "what's-his-face" from Akatsuki had been apart of, and the boy apparently had managed to achieve the same level of immortality the other one had. A pair of sharingan _and_ immortality? Yes, thank you very much. Orochimaru couldn't wait to sink his teeth into that body, both metaphorically, and _very_ literally.

But then he caught sight of the Uchiha's teammates and had nearly allowed his jaw to drop in a comical fashion before realizing that he was not the comic relief in this story and could not perform such an action. That role was left to other characters who had varying degrees of importance to the overall plot.

Before Orochimaru noticed the third teammate whom he had initially ignored because according to the files he had read she had come from a civilian background and he therefore assumed she would not be too interesting ( _that_ had been a mistake though, more on that later), he had realized that the"last Uchiha" was on a team with the current Kyuubi Jinchuuriki. Who was also an Uzumaki, who was clearly proficient with seals.

All of that power and a brain naturally hardwired to create and use Fuinjutsu? That would definitely come in handy. He could take Sasuke's body first and use those eyes and immortality to learn as many jutsu's as he could without fear of death against a too powerful opponent. Then when that body began to reject him, he could switch to the Jinchuriki's body and essentially have a chakra battery to fuel his vast library of jutsu. Not to mention that maybe with a brain that clearly had the right synapses for Fuinjutsu to come so naturally, he might be able to figure out a way to keep his soul bound to a body for longer!

Then he had seen the pink hair and green eyes on the third teammate and felt like kicking himself.

Mini-Mito! Alive and well! Kind of! Further analysis had led him to believe she may have multiple personality disorder. That was probably because of that seal he put on her head when she was an infant. Well, live and learn. It was a shame he hadn't been able to monitor her as she grew and matured, that would have been very helpful for his notes.

Funny, that feeling like he was forgetting something was even worse now. Orochimaru pushed it aside though, things were too good right now for him to be concerned over something that may or may not be important.

* * *

 _Yamanaka Clan Compound…_

"What do you mean I have nine months worth of repressed memories from when I was eighteen?"

 _Back at the plot…_

* * *

"I assure you, the boy could not punch me even if he tried, no I am here to-" Orochimaru started explaining before whatever domestic argument the blond and the brunette were having could take off.

"I'm not a boy, I'm a demon!" The practically yellow haired brat whom he was certain was that damned Yondaime's, who took the job that should been his, son. If he was the sort to take revenge, he would relish the idea of using his body as a way to get at the father- Wait. What had he said about being a demon?

Orochimaru blinked in surprise for a moment as he processed that tidbit of information, but then continued as though he had not been interrupted. "I am here to challenge you! We are in an exam after all, I have an earth scroll and you have a heaven scroll, if you three impress me I just might let you live."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Sasuke looked rather angry, blond-demon-boy-Uzumaki looked eager, and Mini-Mito looked mostly terrified, but oddly a bit eager apparently. This was going to be very interesting it seemed. Hopefully they could put up a decent enough fight, although perhaps he shouldn't be too hard on them, after all they were just children. Even if they were slowly being indoctrinated in a military lifestyle where they would be expected to fight and die for a village that would carve their name on a stone and bury them in a shallow grave by the side of the road if the mission demanded it.

But they were still children, he should probably only use limited psychological attacks alongside highly chakra intensive jutsu and strategies that had helped win a Shinobi World War. The kind of thing a group of twelve year old's could reasonably be expected to handle.

He was just about to release his own killing intent when the blond-demon-boy-Uzumaki's own killing intent washed over the area, it felt notably more demonic than his own though. Well that was fairly interesting, probably came with being a Jinchuuriki.

Oddly enough, it was Sasuke rather than the Jinchuuriki that spoke up, and he did so in a rather angry tone of voice. "Nobody kills my teammates but me!"

"Yeah!" Mini-Mito spoke quietly but enthusiastically and nodded then froze. "Wait what?"

How very selfish and rude of him, Orochimaru often wondered how much of behavior was determined by nature and how much by nurture. Perhaps he could study it at some point in the future, maybe with identical twins. He hoped that the rude behavior of Sasuke's was a form of nurture rather than nature. It would be horrible if he was stuck with that once he stole the boy's body.

" **Don't worry Lucy."** The third team member consoled the Uzumaki clone. **"It's not like he can really kill us."**

"Says the immortal demon." Sasuke commented offhandedly, before rapidly focusing again on the situation at hand. "Now shut up and let's sacrifice this disgusting heathen to Jashin-sama!"

"You can try." Orochimaru smiled and let the boy charge at him. He started swinging wildly with his sword and he felt himself grow slightly disappointed. There was no grace, no style, nothing impressive in the fighting style at all. The Uchiha boy was fighting like a beserker, which was fair enough considering he couldn't die but still, he was a shinobi, he was worse than "what's-his-face" from Akatsuki. He at least was seasoned and knew _how_ to swing his weapon rather than just waving it around hoping to hit something.

The snake Sannin spun around another swing and silently dropped to the ground allowing another swing to sail over his head. The blade changed trajectory and tried to slice him in half. He rolled away from the strike and heard a satisfying crunch as its jagged edge bit into the over sized tree branch they stood upon.

He noted that swinging wildly might actually be a descent strategy against him, it was harder to predict moves that had no rhyme or reason. He also had the added difficulty of avoiding so much much as being scratched by the sword. He knew what could be done by Jashin cultists with only a single drop of the victim's blood.

A sudden heat was the only warning he had before the Jinchuuriki member of the team was on top of him. He leaped backwards and his hands started flying through hand signs, he didn't like the idea of dodging the corrosive chakra of the Kyuubi and the wild strikes of a Jashin-cultist and whatever it was that Mini-Mito was capable of. He unleashed his **Wind Release: Great Breakthrough** and quite literally blew the competition away.

He immediately realized he may have over done it a bit.

Both the Jinchuuriki and the Uchiha had completely vanished, along with a fair bit of forest. Fortunately Mini-Mito was still here. She looked a bit woozy though, and based on the twelve year old girl shaped imprint on the tree behind her it looked like she had been slammed into it by the jutsu. On the bright side, at least she was still alive, so it could have been worse, besides now he can go and track them down one at a time.

Orochimaru sauntered over to where the girl was slowly pulling herself to her feet. He was mentally debating what he wanted to do with her. Did he want to give her his seal now? But that would mean he would not be able to give it to Sasuke until he had time to prepare another one. Maybe he could convince her to switch over to his side? Maybe he could that just by telling her the truth, but how does one begin to explain to a young girl that she is a clone of a dead seal mistress?

Further thought continued to dissuade him from the idea of trying to bring her over to his way of viewing things. The multiple personality disorder caused by the seal meant that while he could potentially convince _this_ personality to join him, it didn't mean he would be able to convince the other personalities of the same thing.

The girl stood up finally, she looked terrified, which was fair enough considering who he was, even if she didn't know who he really was. Of course he had just literally blown her considerably powerful teammates away with relative ease and now she was facing him on her own. But the fact remained, she _was_ facing him, oh she wa trembling, oh she was beyond scared of him, but she still managed to stand and face him despite that.

Coming to his decision, Orochimaru prepared to give her the cursed seal, he would have plenty of opportunity to go after Sasuke and the blond Jinchuuriki at some other point during the exam. But for now he would work with what he had right in front of him.

He opened his mouth and his neck began to extend as he prepared to give her the seal. But just before he could make contact a flying… _something_ kicked him in the face causing his extended neck to swing around like a whip and smash into a nearby tree.

The snake Sannin grunted as he pulled his face out of the wood. He could feel his disguise fraying as the splinters ripped into it. That was incredibly annoying, who had so rudely interrupted him?!

"Stay away from my clone baby you bastard!" A female voice roared and something clicked for him.

That's what he had been forgetting, or rather who apparently. He had forgotten Anko when he left! Oh well, hopefully she would let him explain that he was in a rush and Jiraiya and Sarutobi-sensei had causing him no end of trouble so he hadn't had time to grab her and take her with him.

Wait how did she remember that she was Mini-Mito's surrogate mother?

And then he felt a kunai rip through his extended neck and his eyes widened as his body collapsed and his head fell to the ground with a somewhat painful clunk.

Well, this just got a bit complicated.

* * *

 _Sasuke_ _POV, A Couple Miles Away…_

Sasuke was angry.

That was a very light way of putting that if the deepest pits of hell were filled with molten magma and the devil himself shit his fiery crap into said molten magma filled deepest pits of hell and thus increased the heat exponentially as well as creating the foulest stench to have ever been conceived my man or god, then such shitty smelling beyond molten magma filled deepest pits of hell would not even compare to the level of rage that was currently fueling the cultist of Jashin-sama.

What could have caused this mighty fury beyond being thrown several miles like he was nothing by some random and noticeably creepy Grass Village Genin?

After he had landed, rather uncomfortably at that, he had immediately found himself assaulted by a family of tigers. Not to mention said tigers had been attempting to kill a bear the size of a house at the time and now the bear was attempting to eat him in order to restore its health because it was already out of mana and healing potions so it had fighting like five tigers with nothing but auto-attack.

This situation was made far worse due to the fact that when Sasuke had landed, his sword had not been with him. Likely enough, it had been blown away by the jutsu that creepy Genin had unleashed upon him and his teammates. So that just added onto this already bad situation.

But just when he had finished using his fireball jutsu on the local wildlife leaving piles of charred meat that were too burned to be of any use for eating, he had been attacked, yet again. This time though, instead of a group of wild animals and a bear that was a gamer, it was another Genin team, this one was from Sound.

At this point Sasuke had been pissed. He was tired, hurt, high on adrenaline and worried about his sword. It had taken months after he had placed an order for it before it arrived. Not to mention the fact that after Naruto did the seal work to make it work properly for the will of Jashin-sama, the damn blond demon had said that he would "never ever doing such disgusting seal work ever again, 'ttebayo!"

So if he lost his sword, he might lose Jashin-sama's favor, which could never be allowed to happen. Jashin-sama was the way to _enlightenment_ , to _glory_ , to _**vengeance**_. Basically, he needed to find his sword before some godless heathen picked it up and did Jashin-sama knows what to it.

Back to the situation at hand, the Sound Genin had started blabbering about someone called "Orochimaru," the name rang a bell but Sasuke could not manage to put his finger on where he knew it from. It got worse though, because apparently this Orochimaru had sent these three to kill him for whatever reason. But that still was not the worse part of it, the way these Genin spoke of this Orochimaru, it was almost like they thought he was a god.

"This Orochimaru guy, what's so special about him? It's not like he's not a god." Sasuke pointed out already preparing to make a speech about Jashin-sama and his glory.

"How dare you speak of Orochimaru-sama so callously you tree hugging scum." The male genin that didn't look like a mummy snapped at him. The girl opposite him looked as though she was housing similar thoughts to her teammate.

It was hard to read the lead genin expression, mainly because of the bandages, but his tone made his thoughts clear enough, cold and to the point. "Orochimaru-sama desires your death, his will shall be done, any god you may speak of is pitiful compared to his power."

Now Sasuke could tolerate atheists, even agnostics, they just hadn't found the light of Jashin-sama yet and could be converted as he had done with Disciple and was trying to do with the girl from Sand.

Hell, he could tolerate Naruto because he was a demon and they were kind of the antithesis of gods anyway, and he was actively trying to kill him too. Also the fox demon in human form was kind of useful.

But those who would have false gods before him?

There was a reckoning to be had here.

"I'LL SLAUGHTER YOU BLIND AND MINDLESS HEATHENS! FALSE GODS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY JASHIN-SAMA! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF SACRIFICE! I WILL DESTROY YOU AND DESECRATE YOUR CORPSES YOU DISGUSTING GODLESS FREAKS!" He roared at the top of his lungs, and charged at them, fists flying, injured, no sword, low chakra reserves, blinded by rage, and exhausted.

They never even stood a chance.

* * *

 _Naruto POV, Near The Center Tower…_

"Okay calm down Naruto, you didn't lose no, he just caught you by surprise." The blond demon was counseling himself. "I mean you just got caught up in the moment, maybe got a bit overconfident, but can you blame me? I'm me! I'm a big deal. That girl just had a lucky card that you weren't expecting, you're the invincible nine-tailed fox demon. Just because some random Genin managed to toss you aside like you were last weeks litter doesn't mean anything!"

This reaction was to be expected, his pride had taken a bit of a blow after all. Haku had been one thing, with those sneaky senbon and incredible speeds, and he had still managed to beat them in the end. Sasuke still tried and failed to kill him and Naruto didn't even bother trying to stop him, it was an exercise in futility.

Then this nobody showed up, and literally blew him away. _Him!_ The legendary Kyuubi no Youko had been beaten in an instant by some random Genin from the Grass. Freaking _Grass!_ Now Naruto was all for overcoming your limits and beating what society thought of you, look at him, he helped people and was trying to be the nicest demon to ever live!

He sat down and thought about it. He was kind of being a jerk about this wasn't he? Someone managed to beat him who wasn't Sasuke and wasn't some big impressive enemy and here he moping about it and trying to heal his damaged pride. That was not exactly the kind of thing a good person would do.

Now that Naruto thought about it more, it was a good thing that Genin was so skilled, it would help her in the future! Even if she was pretty creepy and kind of sadistic, with that attitude and power then she was bound to succeed. In fact, when they got all got to the tower he was going to go up to her and congratulate her on doing to well.

Admittedly, his pride still hurt again, but he would be a good sport and admit he got beat. It was already obvious he that he be beaten, heck the reason that he was sitting here considering this at all was because the Yondaime Hokage had sealed him in this human body. So he had been defeated before, even if it was by a much more powerful and skilled ninja. Or would powerful and experienced be a better way to describe it?

Whatever it was Naruto wasn't about to let his pride control him, he would rise above such petty mortal problems. His goal was to make up for his sins when he was a giant fox and not stuck in a human body, not to be the strongest, sure strength could help him with his goal, but it wasn't his main concern in this second chance at life.

He would go out there and help people and solve problems, he didn't need a cult, he needed like minded people to help him be a good person and be good with him! Yeah, when he next saw the Konohamaru Corps he was disbanding his cult and starting his volunteer be a good person guilds man association!

But first he should probably find his team.

* * *

 _Kakashi POV, Undisclosed Location…_

"De-curse me." Kakashi told his captive.

"No" His captive replied.

De-curse me." Kakashi demanded impatiently.

"No" The bound man repeated himself.

"Stop being difficult and de-curse me right now." Kakashi ordered, he was starting to get annoyed and he felt his one eye twitch..

"No, you deserve your curse and you shall suffer." Baki declared boldly.

"You know, there are a lot of things I can do." Kakashi said lightly, in an almost friendly tone of voice. "For instance did you know I've done infiltration? It was when I was in ANBU. You see this facility didn't let outsiders in and we needed someone inside to bring the whole operation down. So I sneaked in and killed a man in his bed. Silently, cleanly."

Baki listened but didn't make a move or say anything, the man was a hardened shinobi, likely this wasn't too intimidating but Kakashi wasn't quite finished yet.

"And then I made a shadow clone which henged and read up on the man's file. After that I left. A day later, I went back and got a report, and replaced the clone. In about a week we had everything we needed to destroy the facility and wipe out the entire operation." Kakashi explained.

"Now, I've spent the last day watching you and learning your habits, your reactions, all of that fun stuff." Kakashi eye smile at the man. "It would be a shame if "you" went back to Suna and had an unfortunate accident with a door. Or if the Kazekage were to start giving orders and information right to a Konoha Elite Jounin. Meanwhile you'll be here, a test dummy for newbies in the T&I division who don't quite know how much is too much damage for a prisoner."

Now Baki was starting to sweat.

"We could do it that way, or we could do it the easy way where you just de-curse me. I mean it would be a shame if we had proof that Sand was going to betray us or something?" Kakashi had been bluffing of course, but Shinobi politics were fickle enough that it could be true.

Then Baki went pale and started swearing and Kakashi realized that this went deeper than just a cult built around the evils of doors.

* * *

 _Sakura/Lucy POV, Back At The Forest Of Death…_

Lucy stared as the awesome proctor lady who had just called her, her clone baby fought the giant monstrous looking white snake monster that the grass Genin had turned into when the proctor had cut her head off.

"What is even happening right now?" She asked nobody numbly.

* * *

 **Well, that's the end of the chapter.**

 **I am sorry for the wait but I have recently been feeling my interest in Naruto dying, also an intense and burning hatred for most of the characters due to various reasons. But that's a rant for another day.**

 **But I'm glad I finally updated this, I had originally planned to try and update this roughly once a month but I kind of lost focus on keeping my updates consistent and yeah.**

 **Also this probably would have been out like an hour ago, but Dragon ball Super finale got in the way.**

 **Anyway, time for reviews!**

 **YugiKitten: Yeah I'm going to start trying to make the multiple personalities of Sakura more three dimensional. Also I apologize but I can't remember how that sentence was supposed to end. Sorry.**

 **Death390: I shouldn't…**

 **Duskrider: Huh, well that sounds interesting.**

 **Afro121 - Aeries Rifter: Locked in my head unfortunately, I'm trying to siphon it out but it's a slow process.**

 **Suzululu4moe: She's not going without a fight.**

 **Mel72000: You are most welcome!**

 **V . yeesha: I hope not, that would mean I lost a reader!**

 **Monster Cat Music Girl: Why does my fic keep killing people? But joking aside I'm glad you like it!**

 **Squidgod912: I'm glad you thought so!**

 **NarutoAdmirer21: Your love is appreciated!**

 **Drake Darkduke: I think this chapter answered that question fairly well.**

 **Shahismael: Keep it up I shall!**

 **Battlesny: For the record my original notes count as a write, I just didn't mention them. Also I have said this more times than I care to count, I don't take recommendations on pairings. Ever, unless I explicitly ask for it and am very clear about asking for it. Also I changed Gaara's personality so no mother complex, sorry.**

 **Guest : I'm happy to hear that you liked it so much!**

 **SSSRHA: It won't go down quite like that but the Itachi and Sasuke meeting will be… interesting to say the least. Heh. Heheheh. Haheheheh. MUAHAHAHAHA. *cough* sorry got carried away there.**

 **Ic3pup: Okay before I say anything else I want to thank you for the reviews, they were well written and gave me the motivation to actually start this chapter. Kakashi won't be going the door cult root though, he wants to be done with it ASAP. Also this chapter illustrates just how Anko and Orochimaru meeting Sakura would go. Also Kurama's not trapped in Sakura, but enough of his chakra is that it created a new personality. Does a part of Naruto know the truth? Spoilers. And yeah, I don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with Sasuke, as for Kakashi not noticing he did send them off on their own the previous chapter. Sakura still has the glasses on, I just forgot to mention them really.**

 **Ash001: Read and find out what's going to happen!**

 **Well that's everything folks, not much else to say. Next update will be either ZT or SS, I haven't decided yet.**

 **Until we meet again my friends!**

 **~FriTik**

 **R &R**


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